The Ones to Watch While You Eat: Part 2 | Friends

0:01 I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning.

0:04 Nah, just me.

0:06 All alone.

0:12 Dinner for six for one.

0:15 Well, you boys are about to see something really special.

0:31 How was everything, sir?

0:32 Excellent.

0:33 The shroo, in particular, was exquisite.

0:38 Well, I hope you've got some room left.

0:39 Happy birthday to you.

0:43 Happy birthday to you.

0:46 Happy birthday, dear Joey.

0:48 Joey.

0:49 Joey.

0:51 Happy birthday to you.

0:54 This is the best birthday ever.

0:57 You know, I cannot believe we're even having this discussion.

1:00 I agree.

1:01 I'm like in disbelief.

1:04 I mean, don't you think if things were going to happen with Rachel,

1:06 they would have happened already?

1:08 I'm telling you, she said she's looking

1:09 for a relationship with someone exactly like me.

1:13 She really said that?

1:14 Well, I added the exactly like me part,

1:16 but but she said she's looking for someone,

1:19 and someone is going to be there tonight.

1:22 Tonight?

1:24 Tonight.

1:24 Well, I think it's perfect, you know, it's just going to be the two of us.

1:27 She spent all day taking care of my monkey.

1:33 I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.

1:40 Anyway, you know, I figured after work, I'd go pick up a bottle of wine,

1:45 go over there, and uh try to woo her.

1:50 Hey, you know what you should do?

1:51 You should take her back to the 1890s when that phrase was last used.

1:58 Hey, taffy.

1:59 Mhm.

2:00 Taffy, really?

2:00 I've never had any.

2:02 Ever?

2:03 Well, I think my mother was too

2:04 busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.

2:09 Thank you.

2:11 So, what are you just never going to tell her?

2:13 Oh, no, no, no, I will.

2:14 I just want to butter her up first, you know?

2:16 I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner,

2:18 do all this romantic stuff, and then,

2:21 just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world,

2:24 then I'm going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.

2:28 If I haven't said it before, she's a lucky, lucky lady.

2:34 SO, WHERE ARE YOU GOING WHAT WHAT IN THE MOTHER OF CRAP is up with this stuff?

2:40 GOD, IS IT A GUM?

2:41 IS IT FOOD?

2:42 WHAT WHAT'S THE DEAL?

2:47 OH, IT'S NICE.

2:47 MAY I TRY A PINK ONE?

2:49 I don't believe in these crazy diets, you know?

2:51 Just everything in moderation.

2:54 Your mouth opens.

2:58 I'll take those to go.

3:01 For the kids.

3:04 Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you.

3:06 You were on this show years ago, and then they killed you off.

3:09 What happened there?

3:11 So stupid.

3:12 I said some stuff in an interview that I really shouldn't have said,

3:15 but believe me, that is not going to happen today.

3:18 Understood.

3:20 So, what did you say back then?

3:21 Oh, I said that I would Hello!

3:22 Hey, buddy.

3:25 OH MY GOD, OKAY.

3:32 SURPRISE!

3:41 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

3:41 YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

3:45 WAS THAT THE CAKE?

3:46 YEAH.

3:47 YEAH.

3:48 I got a lemon schmush.

3:50 Come on, she'll be here any minute.

3:53 Hope it's okay.

3:59 Happy birthday Phoebe.

4:03 Well, maybe we can make a a bee out of one of those roses.

4:05 Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.

4:09 Phoebe, WHAT'S GOING ON?

4:10 WE JUST WE JUST WOW, THIS IS SO GREAT.

4:17 GO, MY STAR STUDENT.

4:19 You know, you called me that before,

4:21 so I I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil.

4:24 Now, no pressure.

4:26 You like my cookies, you give me the star.

4:34 Wow, a star.

4:37 I know you all hate me and and I'm sorry, but I don't care.

4:42 Okay Joey, you're up to next.

4:47 Oh my god.

4:49 This is amazing.

4:50 You get an A.

4:52 I got an A?

4:54 In school?

4:55 Hey, I'm a dork.

4:58 Joey, I'm so proud of you.

5:01 I think you should give him your star.

5:02 Excuse me?

5:05 He doesn't even know what he's doing.

5:07 We're all beginners here.

5:08 Nobody knows what they're doing.

5:09 I do.

5:10 I'm a professional chef.

5:12 Oh, relax.

5:13 It's not a courtroom drama.

5:16 If you're a professional chef,

5:17 what are you doing taking introduction TO COOKING?

5:19 YEAH.

5:22 I'M SORRY, IT'S JUST THAT WELL,

5:25 I cook at this restaurant Alessandro's and I just got a really bad review.

5:29 Oh, Alessandro's, I love that place.

5:31 You do?

5:32 Oh, yes, you're an excellent chef.

5:34 As a person, you're a little I'm totally crazy, but you like the food?

5:38 Very much.

5:39 Okay then.

5:40 I don't stink.

5:42 I'm a good chef.

5:44 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to go.

5:45 I'm having fun.

5:47 Well, actually, did either of you pay for this class?

5:49 Hey, hey, hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.

5:56 Okay, Chandler Mont, there's only one banana nut muffin left.

5:59 Well, I ordered mine first.

6:01 Yeah, but I'm I'm so much faster.

6:05 Give it to me.

6:06 No.

6:07 Give it to me.

6:09 Okay, you can have it.

6:19 Here you go.

6:20 Enjoy your coffee.

6:22 That was there when I got here.

6:27 Hey, you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.

6:31 Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.

6:33 Okay, Ryan, that guy I went out with who's in the Navy.

6:38 You went out with a guy in the Navy?

6:39 Yeah, I met him when I was I'm playing guitar in Washington Square Park.

6:42 Ryan threw in salt water taffy cuz he didn't have any change.

6:46 Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?

6:48 No.

6:51 No, he is my submarine guy.

6:53 He resurfaces like every couple years and we

6:55 have the most amazing 3 days together.

6:58 Only this time, he's coming for 2 weeks, 2 whole weeks, which means yay.

7:04 Wait, this guy goes down for like 2 years at a time?

7:11 That'll teach you to lick my muffin.

7:14 Ever happen to you?

7:15 You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk,

7:17 but these darn cartons ARE SO FLINGING FLANGING HARD TO OPEN.

7:21 WELL, YOU said it, MIKE.

7:22 I DON'T THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY.

7:27 AND THERE IS, KEVIN.

7:29 Can we please turn this off?

7:31 No way, Kevin.

7:33 What if I told you that there's a revolutionary new product

7:36 that guarantees you'll never have to open up milk cartons again?

7:40 Meet the MilkMaster 2000.

7:44 Are you intrigued?

7:46 You're flinging flanging right I am.

7:49 This is the first time he's ever used this product before.

7:51 You're going to see how easy this is to do.

7:52 Go ahead.

7:54 This works in any milk carton.

7:56 Wow, it is easy.

7:57 Now I can have milk every day.

8:04 Oh god, Ross.

8:05 Okay, if you care about me at all, you'll get the pie out of the man's hood.

8:08 Get the what?

8:09 pie in the hood.

8:09 Don't let the hood go.

8:18 What are you doing?

8:19 I'm sorry.

8:20 My pie was was in your hood.

8:25 Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's

8:27 pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7:00.

8:38 Hey.

8:39 Hey.

8:39 I was just going to get something to eat.

8:40 Do you want something?

8:41 What you got?

8:42 Okay, let's see.

8:43 We got strained peas, canned carrots.

8:46 Ooh, strained plums.

8:48 We haven't tried that yet.

8:49 Goody.

8:51 Thanks.

8:54 So, how is it living with Rachel again?

8:57 I mean, apart from the great food.

9:00 I'm fine.

9:00 I'm fine.

9:00 It's just It's just weird what's happening with her and Ross, you know?

9:04 Yesterday, he asked me to fix him up with somebody.

9:07 Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her, too.

9:10 Why are they doing this?

9:11 I don't know.

9:12 They're so perfect for each other.

9:13 It's crazy.

9:14 You know what's crazy?

9:16 These jars.

9:17 What is it, like two bites in here?

9:23 I just wish they'd realize they should be together.

9:25 I know.

9:26 I know.

9:26 And when they moved back in together,

9:27 I figured, you know, that's where things were headed.

9:29 I know.

9:29 They should be a family.

9:30 They should get married and have more children.

9:32 Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey.

9:37 Tell you what, I may not have kids.

9:38 Someone's got to carry on the family name.

9:43 You know what?

9:44 Maybe once they start dating and they see what's out there,

9:46 they'll realize how good they are for each other.

9:49 Yeah, because it is slim pickings.

9:51 Oh.

9:52 You know, I had this date last night.

9:54 Yuck.

9:56 We should probably keep it down.

9:56 She's still in the bedroom.

10:01 So, what are we going to do?

10:02 Are we just going to go ahead and set them up with people?

10:04 No, that just pushes them further and further apart.

10:08 Yeah.

10:09 Oh, I know what we can do.

10:10 We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible

10:12 dates so that they'll realize how good they are together.

10:15 Ooh, that's a great plan.

10:17 Yeah.

10:17 You know what the best part of it is?

10:19 I get to do my plan laugh.

10:28 NOT SO LOUD.

10:28 WE DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP UH OKAY, HERE are the birthday candles.

10:35 Where's the birthday cake?

10:37 Okay, we're not having birthday cake.

10:39 We're having birthday flan.

10:43 Excuse me?

10:44 It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.

10:46 Oh, that's nice.

10:48 Happy birthday, Rachel.

10:49 Here's some goo.

10:52 OKAY, EVERYBODY, IT'S TIME FOR FLAN.

10:55 YEP, get ready for the gelatinous fun.

10:59 It kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.

11:02 Ew.

11:03 Okay, that's enough.

11:05 Okay, Rachel, make a special flan wish.

11:09 Okay, I've got one.

11:15 HEADS UP.

11:18 WOW, THOSE THINGS ALMOST NEVER COME TRUE.

11:21 The most unbelievable thing has happened.

11:23 Underdog has gotten away.

11:25 The balloon?

11:26 No, no, the actual cartoon character.

11:30 Of course the balloon.

11:32 It's all over the news.

11:34 Right before he reached Macy's,

11:35 he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park.

11:38 I'm going to the roof.

11:38 Who's with me?

11:39 I'm going with you.

11:40 No, I can't.

11:40 I got to go.

11:41 Come on.

11:42 An 80-ft inflatable dog loose over the city.

11:44 How often does that happen?

11:45 Almost never.

11:48 Got the keys?

11:49 Oh, okay.

11:51 They saw the giant dog shadow fall over the park?

11:54 Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down?

11:56 I mean, that was just mean.

11:59 Okay.

12:00 Right about now, the turkey should be crispy on the outside,

12:03 juicy on the inside.

12:06 Why are we standing here?

12:08 We're waiting for you to open the door.

12:10 You've got the keys.

12:11 No, I don't.

12:14 Yes, you do.

12:16 When we left, you said, "Got the keys." No, I didn't.

12:20 I asked, "Got the keys?" No, no, no.

12:25 You said, "Got the keys." Either of you have the keys?

12:32 The oven is on.

12:33 Oh, I've got to get my ticket.

12:34 Wait, wait.

12:35 We have a copy of your key.

12:36 WELL, THEN GET IT.

12:37 GET IT.

12:37 HEY, HEY.

12:38 THAT TONE won't make me go any faster.

12:41 Joey?

12:41 That one will.

12:44 I swear you said you had THE KEYS.

12:46 NO, I DIDN'T.

12:47 I WOULDN'T SAY I HAD the keys unless I had the keys,

12:49 AND I OBVIOUSLY DID NOT HAVE THE KEYS.

12:50 OH, OKAY.

12:51 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

12:51 ENOUGH with the keys.

12:52 No one say keys.

12:57 Why would I have the keys?

13:00 Aside from the fact that you said you had them?

13:02 But I didn't.

13:03 WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE.

13:04 WHY?

13:04 BECAUSE WHY?

13:05 BECAUSE WHY?

13:06 BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS MY RESPONSIBILITY.

13:08 DOES THAT MEAN Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone?

13:11 You know, everyone wants a different KIND OF POTATO.

13:13 SO, I'M MAKING DIFFERENT KINDS OF POTATOES.

13:15 YOU KNOW, DOES ANYBODY CARE WHAT KIND of potatoes I WANT?

13:18 NO.

13:20 NO.

13:21 NO.

13:22 YOU KNOW, JUST AS LONG AS PHOEBE GETS

13:24 her peas AND ONIONS AND MARIO GETS HIS TOTS,

13:27 AND IT'S MY FIRST THANKSGIVING AND I THEY'RE ALL BURNED AND OKAY,

13:37 MONICA, ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR YOU NOW.

13:39 LOOK, the door's open, here we go.

13:41 Oh god.

13:47 Well, turkey's burnt, potatoes are ruined,

13:52 potatoes are ruined, POTATOES ARE RUINED.

13:55 MAY WE come walking down the do do do This doesn't smell like mom's.

14:05 No, it doesn't, does it?

14:07 But you wanted lumps, Ross, WELL, HERE YOU GO, BUDDY, YOU GOT ONE.

14:13 OH GOD, THIS IS GREAT.

14:15 The plane is gone, so I guess I'm stuck here with you guys.

14:18 Hey, we all had better plans, okay?

14:20 This was nobody's first choice.

14:22 Oh, really?

14:24 So, WHY WAS I BUSTING MY ASS TO MAKE THIS DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING DINNER?

14:28 YOU CALL THAT DELICIOUS?

14:32 JOEY, STOP IT.

14:32 WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

14:33 STOP IT.

14:34 STOP IT.

14:35 NOW, THIS FEELS LIKE THANKSGIVING.

14:43 OKAY, who wants light cheese and who wants dark cheese?

14:47 I don't even want to know about the dark cheese.

14:50 Does anybody want to split this with me?

14:52 Ooh, I will.

14:53 You guys have to make a wish.

14:55 Make a wish?

14:57 Come on, YOU KNOW, THANKSGIVING.

15:03 WOOHOO!

15:04 YOU GOT THE BIGGER HALF.

15:05 What did you wish for?

15:07 The bigger half.

15:11 All right, I'd like to propose a toast.

15:14 Little toast here.

15:16 I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you planned,

15:19 but for me, this has been really great, you know?

15:24 I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting.

15:31 Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail,

15:33 or if you guys had been with your family,

15:35 or if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know?

15:44 So, I guess what I'm trying to say is

15:46 that uh I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.

15:56 Mhm.

15:58 And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.

16:00 And a crappy New Year.

16:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:02 Glad you saved Ross in the car back fire, but it could have been a bullet,

16:05 and you you know, you didn't try to save me.

16:09 Oh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you.

16:13 No, I knew you could take care of yourself.

16:18 You know, I mean, Ross he needs help.

16:20 He's not street like us.

16:23 What it comes down to is you would risk

16:24 your life for Ross before you would for me.

16:26 That's the bottom line.

16:29 What?

16:29 No, not exactly.

16:32 All right, look, I I wasn't trying to save Ross.

16:37 Okay?

16:39 My sandwich was next to Ross.

16:44 All right?

16:46 I was I was trying to save my sandwich.

16:51 From a bullet.

16:54 I know it doesn't make much sense.

16:56 Much sense?

16:57 Chandler, it was instinct, okay?

16:59 I just went for it.

17:01 So, you risked your life for a sandwich?

17:03 I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler,

17:06 this is the greatest sandwich in the world.

17:12 So, you didn't uh choose Ross before me.

17:15 No, I would never do that.

17:18 You You like my brother.

17:21 Really?

17:22 Yeah.

17:23 In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, here.

17:34 Thanks.

17:35 Oh, oh, easy.

17:36 It's not A HOT DOG.

17:43 HOW GOOD IS THAT?

17:45 OH, WOW.

17:48 SEE?

17:48 MHM.

17:49 HEY, what dude, what are you doing?

17:52 I thought you were showing me how much I mean to you.

17:54 Yeah, with a bite.

17:57 Jeez.

17:58 Hey, oh, we we can't keep eating like this.

18:05 It's uh 12:50.

18:07 Okay.

18:08 Um So, you make the pizzas in one of those uh wood-burning ovens?

18:19 No, actually um I think they're gas.

18:22 Gas?

18:23 Wow.

18:26 Intense.

18:29 If this is the way all the gellas flirt, we don't have a problem.

18:34 Hey, uh you know that smell gas has?

18:43 Yeah.

18:44 They put that in.

18:47 What?

18:48 The gas is odorless.

18:50 But, they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.

18:57 Well, okay.

19:00 A lot of other gas smells.

19:08 You know what?

19:08 Um actually, I I really I should go.

19:11 Oh, but I I I haven't paid you yet.

19:13 what?

19:13 That's okay.

19:14 You guys have ordered so many that this one's on me.

19:19 Hey.

19:20 Hey.

19:21 Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.

19:24 Yeah, so you're going to call this one back?

19:26 No.

19:29 But what are you talking about?

19:30 Sarah's great.

19:31 Oh, really?

19:32 You don't know what your great friend did?

19:36 We're out to dinner, okay?

19:37 We were getting along, having a really nice time.

19:40 I was thinking she was really cool.

19:42 And then, out of nowhere That's it?

20:09 That That's why you won't go out with her again?

20:11 So she took some fries, big deal.

20:13 Hey hey look, it's not about a few fries.

20:16 It's about what the fries represent.

20:18 What?

20:18 All food!

20:21 Oh, I'm I'm sorry.

20:23 I I I can't believe I set you up with such a monster.

20:26 Hey hey hey hey hey look, I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants.

20:30 The more the better, all right?

20:32 Just don't order a garden salad and then eat my food.

20:37 That's a good way to LOSE SOME FINGERS.

20:41 OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.

20:42 Listen to this.

20:44 So Joey and my friend are out last night, they're having dinner,

20:46 and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries.

20:49 Oh, no.

20:51 WHAT?

20:54 YOU YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THE THE PLATE THING?

20:56 OH, YEAH.

20:57 YEAH, I know.

20:57 Joey doesn't share food.

20:59 I mean, just just last week we were having breakfast

21:02 and and he had a couple of grapes on his plate.

21:04 You wouldn't let her have a grape?

21:05 Oh, no, not me.

21:07 Emma.

21:11 JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.

21:18 WELL, I STILL THINK THAT IS A STUPID reason not to call someone again.

21:21 You are calling her, okay?

21:24 And if if you need to, then just get an extra plate of fries for the table.

21:32 I like that.

21:34 A sharing buffer.

21:36 Yeah.

21:37 Yeah, I'll order some extra fries.

21:39 Maybe a plate of onion rings.

21:41 Yeah.

21:42 Yeah.

21:42 And a shrimp cocktail.

21:45 And some buffalo wings.

21:47 Maybe maybe an individual pizza.

21:49 Huh?

21:50 And some mozzarella sticks.

21:54 Who are we talking about?

21:56 We're going to split it.

21:56 You take half and I take half.

21:58 not fair.

21:58 You've already had some.

21:59 Well, oh, then not You know what?

22:00 I think Monica would be very interested to know

22:02 that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.

22:05 What do we use to SPLIT IT?

22:08 OKAY.

22:10 ALL RIGHT, PICK A HALF.

22:12 OKAY.

22:13 WELL, this side looks bigger.

22:17 Uh I think there's more crust on this side.

22:20 Yeah.

22:22 So, maybe if I measure Oh, for God's sake, just pick a face.

22:24 All right, pick that.

22:26 So, the smaller piece.

22:29 Okay, there you go.

22:31 Enjoy your half, my friend, but that is it.

22:34 No sharing, no switching,

22:36 and don't come crying to me if you eat your PIECE TOO FAST.

22:48 OH!

22:51 ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR PIECE?

22:53 OH, HO ho ho, no, no.

22:55 No switching, no sharing, and don't come crying to me.

22:58 Ha ha ha ha.

22:59 I I just sit here and have my cake all day.

23:02 Just sit here in the hallway AND EAT MY OH,

23:12 YEAH, LOOK, THERE'S A PIECE THAT DOESN'T HAVE FLOUR ON IT.

23:15 Stick to your side.

23:16 Come on now.

23:29 All right, what are we having?

23:31 Hey.

23:31 Hey.

23:32 Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this year?

23:34 Yeah, we were going to give 50,

23:35 but if you guys gave more, we don't want to look bad.

23:38 Oh, actually this year we just made him homemade cookies.

23:41 And 25 it is.

23:44 You gave him cookies?

23:45 Money is so impersonal.

23:47 Cookies says someone really cares.

23:51 All right, we're broke, but cookies do say that.

23:54 I can see that.

23:56 A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.

24:01 People, let me ask you something.

24:02 Were Were these funny brownies?

24:05 Not especially.

24:07 But you know what?

24:07 I think they had pot in them.

24:12 So, you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?

24:15 Uh the mailman, the super.

24:19 Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.

24:22 Oh my god.

24:24 What?

24:25 I don't think you're going to like this.

24:29 Oh gosh.

24:31 Oh, there's a cookie smashed in the sports section.

24:34 Oh, look, Kenny did my crossword puzzle.

24:37 Yeah, but not very well,

24:38 unless 14 across Gershwin musical actually is bite me bite me bite me bite me.

24:44 Or you could just, you know, What the hell are you doing?

24:57 What the hell am I doing?

24:58 He just BROKE MY FRIDGE.

25:02 WHAT THE WHAT HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S HOW DO YOU know it's even broken?

25:06 Oh, you think I don't know what breaks my fridge?

25:10 Excuse me.

25:13 Well, what do you know?

25:15 Broken.

25:17 That'll be $400.

25:19 Joey, I saw you push him.

25:24 WHO PUSHED HIM?

25:28 JOEY, I DID NOT BREAK THIS, OKAY?

25:31 That has been broken for a while.

25:36 I Chan, remember I told you about our fridge?

25:37 Uh-huh.

25:39 Still haven't gotten the check for your half yet.

25:43 Do not give him any money.

25:44 I'm not talking to you.

25:45 YOU BROKE MY FRIDGE.