CORRECTIONS Episode 172: Week of Monday, April 27

0:03 -Here's a comment someone sent in.

0:06 "Of all the things I waste my life watching online,

0:11 this is the series I feel the least bad

0:14 about." I thought I looked smart in my glasses.

0:21 Turns out I look like Rachel Maddow.

0:25 But joke's on you, because she's smart.

0:28 But it doesn't matter how hard you try to look smart when you

0:33 got my graphics department cutting you out at the knees every single show.

0:40 Had a joke about Donald Trump cutting in front of kids on their fifth birthday.

0:44 Like, we can't get a five?

0:48 Scattered laughter] We have to go with some weird backwards nine?

0:57 Um, not a— It's not a fast pass anymore at Disney.

1:02 It's a lightning lane.

1:05 I guess they thought fast pass.

1:06 They were— They were like— originally they thought kids love fast pass because

1:10 there's nothing like kids like more than like coming out of the Holland Tunnel.

1:14 Scattered laughter] Um,

1:16 we talked— we just had a picture about alternate journeys— alternate jerseys.

1:22 Um, the reason I'm showing these is I took my son to his first Red Sox game,

1:26 and they were wearing their new yellow ones.

1:28 And, um, you know, I'm all for, um, alternate uniforms, but it was,

1:34 uh— he had a lot of questions about why the Red Sox were wearing yellow.

1:40 And I think that's fair.

1:42 Um...

1:46 This is the Union Jack.

1:48 Uh, upside down.

1:51 Thanks, graphics.

1:53 Again, like it's you're actively working to make it this.

1:57 You're going out of your way.

2:00 A lot of people said it's only called a Union Jack when it's at sea.

2:03 I looked into it.

2:05 Um, uh, the Flag Institute, which is a website online, did an investigation.

2:12 And when the Flag Institute does an investigation, um,

2:15 it's not a— it's not necessarily doesn't have to be at sea.

2:21 We had a joke about RFK, Jr.

2:23 saying camels are high in amino acids.

2:27 Somebody wrote in, "All proteins are made of amino acids.

2:30 One kilogram of camel meat has the same as one kilogram of any other meat."

2:37 So let's just have digital do what they can to report that person to the police.

2:43 Scattered laughter] I keep saying it's a, um...

2:48 um...

2:49 a M.C.

2:49 Escher effect when we do, uh, you know, the scattered laughs, scattered laughs.

2:54 It's a it's called the Droste effect.

2:57 And this is based on this hot chocolate.

3:00 And I guess this is the first artist who did this thing of the— the same

3:04 can that is the big picture is

3:06 in the little picture and then littler and littler.

3:09 Um, so, um, it's just like sometimes there's no jokes,

3:13 there's just interesting things.

3:15 Um, and then, you know, you go to a dinner party and you,

3:19 you can bring it up as if it's your own and, um,

3:23 you know, and if it's going the way everything's going now,

3:25 I'd prefer you didn't say you heard it in Corrections.

3:29 Scattered laughter] Um, I said I was talking about M.C.

3:33 Escher doesn't do paintings.

3:35 I said he does wood print paintings.

3:37 And people are like, surely you just said that to make the jackals mad.

3:40 You know that wood prints aren't paintings.

3:42 Um, that was an honest mistake.

3:43 I never do anything to make you mad on— on purpose.

3:47 Um, M.C.

3:47 Escher, not only did wood prints, he also did lithograph paintings.

3:53 Scattered laughter] Someone said I did a, you know,

3:58 a joke about a letter from Epstein's mother.

4:00 It was signed Epstein's mother,

4:02 and someone said Epstein was his family— family's name.

4:05 It doesn't make any sense that his mother would sign the note, Epstein's mother.

4:11 You missed the reference.

4:12 Which is fine.

4:14 You know, you— you're enjoying a different century than I have.

4:20 Um, you know, but if you don't like it,

4:22 take it up with Juan Epstein was the character's name.

4:27 Based on that, somebody said this was a joke,

4:31 that a jackal sent in, because I like to share my platform.

4:37 Uh, someone said Jeffrey Epstein's plan— plane was,

4:40 of course, known as the Lolita Express.

4:42 I don't know.

4:43 By the way, this isn't— as I said, this is a joke sent in from a jackal.

4:46 I'm looking at it now.

4:47 It's not.

4:49 Scattered laughter] Like, it's like, it has joke pieces,

4:53 but like I'm looking at it.

4:55 It doesn't— It doesn't piece together.

5:00 Here's what you need to know.

5:02 Again, we've lost someone.

5:03 Never happens.

5:05 Laughter] The character on "Welcome Back, Kotter" was Juan Epstein.

5:21 That...Okay.

5:22 Jeffrey Epstein's plane was, of course, known as the Lolita Express.

5:26 Was it also known as Epstein Juan?

5:31 So it's like, Air— The joke is Air Force One, but it's Epstein Juan.

5:36 Like I said, it's— they wrote it like it was a joke.

5:41 Scattered laughter] This one really hits home based

5:45 on everything that's happened up to this point.

5:47 Someone said, "I don't think Corrections will ever win an Emmy,

5:51 not even if they introduce a corrections

5:55 category."[ Scattered laughter] And the Emmy

6:04 for Best Online Correction series is "Hacks

6:07 Goes Backs and Retracts."[ Scattered laughter] That's good.

6:13 That's going to be— When that day comes,

6:15 that's going to be a tough cut to old Seth Meyers in the crowd.

6:19 Scattered laughter][ Golf clapping] I've been doing— well, you know,

6:32 enjoying having seen a Rio Bravo recently for the first time.

6:35 I've been enjoying sharing my Walter Brennan impression, uh, with everyone.

6:40 Uh, but then somebody wrote in, "Wasn't Walter Brennan a massive

6:46 racist?" So I printed up a Wikipedia page and, uh...

6:51 As old man] Well, now, let me take a look here and see what's going on.

6:54 Oh, yeah, you shouldn't say stuff like that.

6:59 Well, he's so funny on camera, but, oh, yeah.

7:02 Ain't that a kick in the head from a mule?

7:06 He said that when who who got assassinated?!

7:08 Well, now.

7:13 Humming] -Count Camillo Negroni invented the Negroni in 1919 in Florence.

7:23 Added gin to the Americano.

7:25 It used to be soda water.

7:28 It's so Italian to just, like, make a new drink and then name it after yourself.

7:34 And then you give it to, like, a beautiful Italian woman.

7:36 Italian accent] And she's like, "I like it.

7:38 -What is it?" -It's me?

7:42 There is some, uh, a lot of Negronis,

7:44 though, because I guess it was a common name.

7:46 Common enough that there was more than one.

7:48 A lot of Negronis started coming out of the woodwork shoe once the Negroni hit.

7:53 The descendants of Pascal Olivier de Negroni,

7:57 Count de Negroni have claimed that he...invented the drink in 1857 in Senegal.

8:07 This was circulated by his descendants.

8:10 However, Campari did not exist until 1860,

8:17 so that's how they knew it was a hoax.

8:22 This was, of course, the main plot point in a study in Ruby,

8:26 which was the Sherlock Holmes stories, just about drink stuff.

8:34 As Sherlock] Therefore, Watson, the coarseness of this grain,

8:39 one can deduce this sand did not come from the seashore,

8:42 but rather from right here in Hyde Park.

8:45 As Watson] What are you getting at, Holmes?

8:50 As Sherlock] Isn't it obvious, Watson?

8:51 There was no beach, which means there could not be sex at the beach.

8:59 Scattered laughter][ As Watson] Oh, oh, oh, you have me, Holmes.

9:09 Humming] Um, I will say walked by Jeremiah today wearing these.

9:16 And he went, "Nice glasses." So you can all collectively think they stink.

9:21 But I got a compliment from Jeremiah, and he doesn't love everything.

9:28 Laughter] Let's throw the P.O.

9:38 Box up, though, Eric, uh, for people who might want to send me a...

9:43 Look, feel free, you know, because this is going all according to plan.

9:47 Uh, send me some reading glasses.

9:49 1.5s.

9:49 But don't do that [bleep] old joke where like one is a 1.5 and one's a 1.75,

9:53 and then I just [bleep] start walking around in circles.

10:01 Don't try to [bleep] Kash Patel me.

10:07 A lot of people complained how last week was too short.

10:10 And so, uh, I thought the best way to get

10:14 back at him was to do one where they were like,

10:18 "That went on." Um, well, there we are, guys.

10:21 It wasn't a lot this week and um, it showed,

10:24 but we're here, and it's lovely to be with you.

10:28 Um, good stuff this week.

10:31 Adam Scott was here.

10:34 Juliette Lewis, that was a lot of fun.

10:37 Ayo Edebiri.

10:39 I'm sure there's some other people.

10:41 That seems not enough.

10:43 Scattered laughter] We can't just do three.

10:47 We can't do a show with three.

10:48 Go back and check.

10:49 Let me know in the comments who else was here.

10:54 Obviously, am I regretting trying to do it off the top of my head?

10:57 Sure.

10:57 Would it be better if I remembered all of them?

11:01 Nathan Lane's coming next week.

11:03 Doesn't count, though.

11:05 Doesn't count that I don't remember who was here.

11:11 Karl Urban.

11:14 Scattered laughter] That's four.

11:23 The over/under is five and a half.

11:24 Everybody in the audience make your bets.

11:26 I have four.

11:32 Charlize Theron was the week before.

11:46 Sighs] Ebon Moss-Bachrach.

12:01 Rose Byrne.

12:03 And there were a couple others, uh, and they were great.

12:09 They were good.

12:11 Well.

12:14 I mean, again, like, I think like the bummer here is like,

12:17 I do feel like the algorithm just kind of rewards these that are longer.

12:22 And so there's, you know, there's, you know,

12:25 what we have to do is teach the algorithm they're wrong.

12:31 And that's, that's what I think we're going for here.

12:34 Matthew Rhys.

12:38 I think I almost ran the table.

12:40 Um, looking forward to apologizing to whoever I missed.

12:45 Uh, see me next week.