Trump Attacks the Pope, Thinks He’s Jesus & Bashes Springsteen in His Most Bananas Posting Spree Yet

0:00 Welcome, I'm [cheering] Jimmy, and I'm the host of the show.

0:03 It's very nice.

0:03 Thank you for coming.

0:04 Thank you for watching at home.

0:06 We are

0:08 [cheering]

0:07 Relax.

0:07 We are broadcasting from sunny Los Angeles, California.

0:12 Always a great week.

0:13 Did you have a good weekend, Guillermo?

0:14 Yes, Jimmy, it was fantastic.

0:16 you what, I love the weekend.

0:17 I I but it almost always goes too fast.

0:19 But and I'd say almost because this weekend all

0:22 I wanted to do was get back to work.

0:23 Did you have that feeling at all this weekend?

0:25 No, not really.

0:28 [laughter] Uh it feels like every Monday now I come

0:29 but I say I say the president had his most paranoid,

0:33 untethered, mentally disconnected weekend yet.

0:37 And then the next weekend he tops it.

0:38 It's incredible.

0:40 This weekend he started with an old favorite, bashing a music superstar.

0:43 He did it with a Bad Bunny, he did it with Taylor Swift,

0:46 and now Bruce Springsteen seems to be poking around his ass.

0:49 And I want to start this by saying I

0:51 saw Bruce Springsteen at the Forum on Thursday night.

0:54 Not only was he great, he was just absolutely great.

0:56 He's 76 years old.

0:58 He has more energy than Dave& Buster's on a Saturday afternoon.

1:02 He did a like 3-hour show, barely took a breath,

1:05 100 miles an hour the whole time, and he looks fantastic.

1:08 If he could send your mom one text,

1:11 the next day your dad would be looking for a studio apartment.

1:15 But anyway, there's a war going on.

1:17 So naturally our commander-in-chief posted

1:19 Bruce Springsteen prior to plastic surgery,

1:23 a photograph that has clearly been doctored.

1:26 Clearly to us, I should say, not clearly to him.

1:29 He has no idea of what's real and what isn't real.

1:32 But beyond that, beyond how scary it is

1:34 that our president doesn't know the difference between real and fake,

1:37 beyond how petty and childish this is,

1:40 especially with everything that's going on, how oblivious is this man?

1:44 Has he looked at himself in the mirror ever?

1:49 I mean, imagine being this dumpy, blotchy glob of [laughter]

1:54 overcooked yams hobbling out [cheering] OF THE BATHTUB.

2:00 [applause] YOU SMELL LIKE ointment [cheering] and and chicken and pee.

2:03 You barely make it to the toilet.

2:05 You sit down, you post that that Bruce Springsteen looks bad.

2:09 Implying that Bruce had plastic surgery while

2:12 every weird rich person downstairs at Mar-a-Lago

2:15 is walking around with more plastic in them than a sea turtle's stomach.

2:20 And this is how out of it he is.

2:22 And then I guess Bruce wasn't enough because

2:24 a few hours later he moved on to the Pope.

2:28 That's right.

2:30 Oh, you didn't hear?

2:31 That's right.

2:32 He posted He begins with Pope Leo is weak on crime.

2:38 I should just stop right there because seriously,

2:41 when I read this I couldn't stop laughing.

2:43 I was just like I had to take a break

2:44 six words into it to laugh because it's so nuts.

2:49 The whole post is just nuts.

2:51 You know, the Pope's brother,

2:52 we learned during the poping process, voted for Trump.

2:55 So Trump wrote, "I like his brother Louis much

2:58 better than I like him because Louis is all MAGA.

3:02 He gets it and Leo doesn't.

3:04 Leo should be thankful because as everyone knows he was a shocking surprise.

3:09 He wasn't on any list to be Pope and was only put there by the church because he

3:12 was an American and they thought that would be

3:14 the best way to deal with President Donald J.

3:17 Trump." As if that's a compliment.

3:20 "If I wasn't in the White House, Leo wouldn't be in the Vatican." There you go.

3:24 You know that white smoke they you see when they pick a new [laughter]

3:27 He couldn't help he had to blow it right up his own [cheering]

3:31 He insulted [applause] the Pope ON A SUNDAY.

3:36 WE HAVE A FIGHT BETWEEN THE president and the Pope.

3:39 The world has become a real-life episode of South Park.

3:43 He attacked Pope Leo on Truth Social.

3:47 I don't think he's doing a very good job.

3:49 He likes crime, I guess.

3:51 WHAT DOES A POPE HAVE TO DO with crime?

3:54 He's He's not Batman, he's the Pope.

3:58 This is what happens when you sell Bibles instead of reading them.

4:02 AND THEN [cheering] [applause] OH, BUT WAIT.

4:07 LESS THAN AN HOUR after that he posts an AI-generated image of himself as Jesus.

4:13 Now this is an absolutely bananas thing for anyone to post,

4:18 let alone the president.

4:18 But let's go through it because how do maybe we're missing something here.

4:21 Okay, the first problem I see is his his hands are normal size.

4:25 So that's not realistic.

4:27 Then we have the planes which are fighter jets, the F-16s of peace, if you will.

4:34 Above him there's some kind of Demogorgon from Stranger Things.

4:38 Two soldier four soldiers on the side.

4:40 Maybe the weirdest detail,

4:41 the man Donald Jesus Trump is healing looks a whole lot like Jeffrey Epstein.

4:51 [applause] Even AI can't keep him from his BF Jeff.

4:53 And Now this little detour into Messiah status did not get

4:57 Trump the reaction he was hoping for from the Christian community.

5:00 Overall, they're not on board with the whole false idols

5:03 thing and there there a lot of people were upset.

5:05 So Trump or his team deleted the post,

5:08 which is notable because his account almost never deletes his crazy post.

5:12 Last week when he threatened to kill a civilization, that's still up.

5:15 The Jesus post is down.

5:17 So you know this one was trouble.

5:19 And then reporters got a hold of the Pope who was

5:21 headed to Algeria and asked him to respond to the president's attack.

5:25 I do not look at my role as being political politician.

5:29 I don't want to get into a debate with him.

5:32 I don't think that the message of the gospel meant

5:35 to be abused in the way that some people are doing.

5:38 And and I will continue to speak out loudly against war,

5:42 looking to promote peace,

5:43 promoting dialogue and multilateral relationships among the states

5:48 to look for just solutions to the problems.

5:50 Too many people are suffering in the world today,

5:52 too many innocent people are being killed, and I think someone has to stand up

5:56 and say there's a better way to figure it out.

5:59 Neither the Trump Captain,

6:01 reminding you that you can earn 50,000 bonus miles when you

6:04 sign up for a Southwest Rapid Rewards Premier credit card today.

6:08 Extra miles mean extra smiles.

6:10 Ask your flight attendant for more details.

6:12 Foreign policy is Oh my god, even the Pope has to endure those commercials?

6:18 [cheering] [applause] As far as I'm concerned,

6:20 there's only one way to settle this and that is on June 14th,

6:24 the Pope versus the president in the octagon on the White House lawn.

6:29 That card could use some star power, why not?

6:31 Today at the White House they had a no

6:33 taxes on tips event with the tax day on Wednesday.

6:36 They want to take credit for this no tax on tips thing.

6:38 So they ordered a bunch of McDonald's to come to the Oval Office

6:42 and they had the McDonald's delivered

6:45 by a woman who calls herself the DoorDash Grandma.

6:48 That is her.

6:49 They brought her there to talk about how great it

6:51 is that she doesn't have to pay tax on tips.

6:53 And because our president is desperate for approval of every kind from any

6:59 person and and then they had her weigh in on some other stuff, too.

7:03 The Democrats, they cheat.

7:06 They can't get elected with their policies.

7:08 So their policy is no good.

7:10 Uh they want to have uh I mean, open borders.

7:14 They want to have men playing in women's sports.

7:16 Do you think that men should play in women's sports?

7:19 I really don't have an opinion on that.

7:21 You don't?

7:22 I'll bet you do.

7:23 No, I I'm here about my tax on tips.

7:29 Oh, well, you know what?

7:30 Somebody's getting a one-star review.

7:33 [applause]

7:33 Well, then they brought up the reporters

7:35 brought up the Jesus picture and this is

7:37 why on top of being reckless and a liar and just ridiculous in general,

7:41 Trump is also a coward.

7:43 Mr.

7:43 President, did you post that picture of yourself depicted as Jesus Christ?

7:47 Well, it wasn't a picture, it was me.

7:50 I I did post it and I thought it was me as a doctor.

7:53 And it had to do with Red Cross as a Red Cross worker there, which we support.

7:57 And uh only the fake news could come up with that one, sir.

8:01 I I had uh I just heard about it and I said,

8:05 "How did they come up with that?" It's supposed

8:08 to be me as a doctor making people better.

8:11 Oh, now it makes sense.

8:12 I'm sorry.

8:12 I It was supposed to be him as a doctor, [laughter] not Jesus.

8:16 He's a doctor in a robe.

8:18 It was our mistake.

8:19 Let's look at that picture again if we could.

8:21 Oh, yeah, there you go.

8:22 Now I am It's a doctor.

8:24 It's Dr.

8:24 Jesus is what it is.

8:26 I don't know which is more offensive,

8:28 how dumb he is or how dumb he thinks we are, but poor DoorDash Grandma,

8:32 who by the way delivers for DoorDash so she

8:34 can afford to pay for her husband's cancer treatment,

8:36 which should be covered by some kind of health insurance, uh was asked probably

8:43 [applause and cheering] maybe the most important question of the day.

8:46 Are the White House conspiracies, do you know?

8:48 Um Wait.

8:50 Are you a conspiracy Yes, very.

8:54 Mr.

8:55 President, can I ask you something about the

8:56 Excuse me.

8:56 Thank you.

8:57 You reminded me.

9:00 [laughter] I just happen to have a crisp $100 bill in my suit.

9:03 Wait.

9:04 Even the way he tips is weird.

9:06 Let's watch that again in slow motion.

9:07 He goes, "You like Oh, money.

9:09 I see it.

9:10 There it goes." That's for you, lady.

9:15 It's like the first tip he ever gave.

9:18 Feels good though, right?

9:19 Do it again.

9:21 [applause]

9:20 And then we have that war he started and left for everyone else to clean up.

9:24 "We do not have a deal with Iran." He sent J.D.

9:26 Vance to Pakistan for talks over the weekend that completely fell apart.

9:30 So in response to those failed negotiations,

9:32 Trump announced a blockade of the Strait of Hormuz,

9:35 which as you know is already blockaded by Iran.

9:40 He is establishing a blockade on a strait he wants

9:43 open and if that doesn't work he's going to bomb Mar-a-Lago.

9:47 So but two weeks ago he was screaming open the effing strait,

9:51 now he's closing the effing strait.

9:53 He can't even keep the effing strait Effing straight.

9:58 [laughter] I mean [applause]

10:01 and and it's still it's it's unclear how they're going to resolve this.

10:05 Usually when Trump needs a way out of a military conflict,

10:08 he gets a note from his father's podiatrist, but he's that guy's dead now.

10:12 But fear not, according to the president,

10:14 it doesn't matter if we're winning this war or not, cuz we already won it.

10:17 Let's see what happens.

10:18 Look, regardless uh we win.

10:21 Regardless what happened, we win.

10:24 Uh we totally defeated that country.

10:28 And so let's see what happens.

10:29 Maybe they make a deal, maybe they don't.

10:31 We win regardless.

10:33 We've defeated them militarily.

10:35 Whether we make a deal or not, makes no DIFFERENCE TO ME.

10:40 AND THE REASON IS BECAUSE WE'VE WON.

10:45 [laughter] WHAT HE IS IF YOU SAY we win or we won enough times,

10:48 it makes it true and you won.

10:50 And while Jared was in Pakistan negotiating,

10:52 uh Trump went to a UFC fight in Miami,

10:55 where he drooled all over a fighter named Paulo Costa.

10:59 Thank you.

11:01 What do you want to do in all of that Mexico or what, you know?

11:05 You're a beautiful guy.

11:06 Great fighter.

11:09 Yes.

11:10 What do you want to do more than you don't win any fight?

11:12 I'll give you a hug and you look so good.

11:14 You're too good looking to be a fighter.

11:16 You are some fighter.

11:19 Somebody may have binged Heated Rivalry on Air Force One.

11:23 And you are sweaty.

11:27 [applause] You want to take a shower on my plane?

11:29 And it wasn't just a UFC fight this weekend.

11:31 Trump also carved out some time to hit the links and hit on women.

11:36 She's in great shape.

11:39 Great shape.

11:39 Look at her.

11:40 YOU WANT A PICTURE?

11:45 COME ON OVER HERE.

11:46 IS SHE IN GOOD SHAPE OR WHAT?

11:51 Uh you're all members, right?

11:52 Come on, let's go.

11:53 Yes, sir.

11:54 your husband?

11:54 Uh and she was never seen again.

11:56 What goes on?

11:58 We have thousands of soldiers at war right now.

12:00 His peace talks went nowhere.

12:02 He's out golfing again.

12:03 An attractive woman just runs up to his cart.

12:05 I don't know what the Secret Service thinks.

12:07 He checks her out.

12:08 He pulls over, fixes He's as horny as a mountain goat.

12:11 He gets off that thing.

12:13 Says she's in great shape three times.

12:17 [laughter] Leaves the kid in the cart to go give her a squeeze.

12:20 And by the way, the child riding with him is his grandson,

12:23 Donald Trump the third.

12:25 Donald Trump the third and Donald Trump the turd take [laughter]

12:30 taking some swings on the links.

12:33 [applause]

12:32 I'm trying to imagine my grandpa doing that, and the image is not coming up.

12:36 Oh, and then he slipped into the golf course

12:38 dining room to meet up with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis,

12:41 who when he Trump sat down next, he gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

12:48 [laughter] It's legal in Florida because they're cousins.

12:51 And Melania doesn't mind at all.

12:52 It's been 4 days now since the first lady shocked the world

12:56 and went in front of the camera

12:57 to distance herself from the Trump-Epstein files.

13:01 Originally, Trump said he didn't know his wife was making a statement,

13:05 but a spokesperson for the first lady said Trump

13:07 was told she was going to make a statement.

13:09 So then the report said that her spokesperson updated the statement to say

13:13 it was unclear if he knew what Melania would be making a statement about.

13:18 And now we It would all be so much easier

13:20 if Trump and Melania had each other's phone numbers, but [laughter]

13:24 there are a lot of theories online as to why

13:26 Melania suddenly disavowed her ties to Jeffrey Epstein.

13:30 I've read all of them many, many times.

13:32 I've been I've been doing a deep dive

13:33 into this like it's a subreddit on Severance.

13:35 And [laughter] a federal judge today dismissed Trump's $10 billion lawsuit

13:40 against the Wall Street Journal for their story about

13:43 the now infamous birthday message he claims he did

13:46 not write or draw to celebrate Epstein's 50th birthday.

13:49 He sued the Wall Street Journal for $10 billion,

13:52 but that got thrown out because in order to sue for defamation,

13:55 you have to prove the newspaper published the story with malice,

13:58 which they obviously didn't.

14:00 Rupert Murdoch owns the Wall Street Journal.

14:02 This is like um Frankenstein to Trump's monster here, okay?

14:07 And so now Trump plans to refile the lawsuit.

14:10 Trump has been smacked down by so many judges now,

14:13 it might actually explain all the bruises on his hands.

14:16 But his ongoing abuse of the legal system [applause] will continue.

14:21 And while we still don't know what's up with Melania,

14:24 the focus this weekend shifted briefly to another bickering couple.

14:28 This one was in attendance at the Brooklyn Nets game.

14:30 If you watch our show with any regularity regularity,

14:33 you know that from time to time I mispronounced the word regularity.

14:37 You know that from time to time we check

14:40 in on the endless stream of strange coming out of the Sunshine State.

14:43 But tonight we switch that to New York.

14:45 A little something for the lip readers in our audience.

14:47 Our first ever edition of this week in Brooklyn.

14:54 It's the final road game of the year.

14:56 Our producer, Brian Woodrum.

14:58 Our director, Todd Kinsey.

15:01 [music] Quinn, I'm always heartened especially when we come to the New York area

15:05 with how many Pacers [music] fans are here in Knicks and Nets country.

15:09 No no doubt about it.

15:10 I mean I well, I I think in in in just

15:13 some some sense of both of us being realistic,

15:17 I think the Coldplay couple has met its match.

15:21 Hey, we got a great show tonight.

15:22 Henry Winkler is here.

15:23 We have music FROM OUR AND WE'LL [cheering]

15:26 BE RIGHT BACK WITH MARK WAHLBERG, SO stick around.

15:31 [music]