Trump Reinstates Fitness Test as Polls Reveal Americans Think He's Physically and Mentally Unfit

0:00 -Welcome, everybody.

0:00 Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show." This is it.

0:05 You're here.

0:06 Cheers and applause] Thank you for watching.

0:08 This is fun.

0:09 Today is Cinco de Mayo.

0:11 Yeah.

0:12 Cheers and applause] Cinco de Mayo,

0:15 or as Kash Patel calls it, take your tequila to work day.

0:18 -Oh.

0:19 Laughter] -Well, guys, some news from Washington— This morning,

0:23 President Trump signed a proclamation to officially

0:25 bring the Presidential Fitness Test back to schools.

0:30 Trump is very into fitness.

0:32 Laughter] In fact, whenever somebody asked about the Epstein files,

0:35 he sprints out of the room.

0:37 He really does.

0:38 Laughter][ Cheers and applause] But this is nice.

0:48 Trump said that the fittest kids will get to come

0:50 to the White House and help build the ballroom.

0:52 Isn't that nice?

0:54 Laughter] Trump signed the proclamation in the Oval

0:57 Office alongside a group of children.

0:58 Let's see how that went.

1:00 -It was a rigged election.

1:01 And I said, "Well, I'll do it again.

1:03 I had the ultimate poll.

1:05 I did so well." A Republican— I would say

1:07 that Republicans were not too big in the Kennedy family.

1:10 The Middle East would have been gone, Israel would have been gone,

1:13 and they would have trained their sights on Europe first and then us.

1:17 -Just— Just say 6-7 and get it over.

1:21 Come on, be nice.

1:24 The kids are like, "Well, this could have been an e-mail." Come on.

1:26 Laughter] Meanwhile, a new poll just found that most Americans think

1:29 Trump is mentally and physically unfit to serve effectively.

1:34 Well, at least he's rock solid emotionally.

1:36 Laughter] Speaking of mental fitness,

1:39 Trump just talked about how well he did on his recent cognitive tests.

1:43 Watch this.

1:45 -The first question is very easy and they always

1:46 show the first question— is you have a lion,

1:50 a bear, an alligator, and a— What's another good— A squirrel.

1:55 Okay?

1:56 Which is the squirrel?

1:59 By the time you get to the middle, they're tough.

2:02 Laughter] -The middle.

2:05 Yeah, you get a little tough.

2:06 That's where they ask you to identify your children by name.

2:09 as Trump] I have no idea.

2:12 Laughter][ Normal voice] Well, guys, we're in the 10th week of the war in Iran

2:15 and it hasn't been going well for President Trump.

2:17 Let's break down the situation.

2:19 The Strait of Hormuz is still blocked,

2:21 which has limited a lot of business transactions or as Trump calls them...

2:25 -Business "transhactions."[ Laughter] -Also the military is running

2:34 low on defensive missiles or as Trump calls them...

2:36 -Defensive misses and missiles.

2:41 -Basically, after 10 weeks,

2:43 it's not going the way Trump suspected or, as he says...

2:47 -"Susbested."[ Laughter] -It's been a major test

2:50 for the members of our armed forces, or as he calls them...

2:53 -The members of our armed "forciv." And you understand that very well.

2:58 Laughter] -But Trump still claims we're winning

3:02 despite these obstacles, or as he put it...

3:04 -Despite these "obstas-karen."[ Laughter] -Overall,

3:11 it feels like Trump's presidency [laughs] is losing

3:14 a lot of momentum or as he calls it...

3:17 -"Momemtum."[ Laughter] -But together, America can do anything.

3:22 We just sent four astronauts around

3:24 the moon in that beautiful Orion space capsule, or as he calls it...

3:28 -That beautiful Orion space "capsicle."[ Laughter] -Anyway,

3:37 no matter what happens, you know Trump will still say he deserves

3:40 the Nobel Peace Prize or as he calls it...

3:43 -The Nobel Priest— Well, you know this.

3:46 -I hope that helps.

3:48 Cheers and applause] -Wow.

3:54 -"Capsicle."[ as Trump] A capsicle.

3:59 as Trump] "Capsi-pickle."[ Laughter]-[ Normal voice] Gosh.

4:02 Listen to this.

4:03 According to a new report,

4:05 Trump is planning to deport hundreds of bison from Montana.

4:09 Meanwhile, raccoons without penises are like,

4:11 "Take us with you."[ Laughter] Speaking of RFK Jr.

4:17 Laughter] This is going viral.

4:20 He recently posted a photo from the Dulles Airport in D.C.

4:23 this is real— holding a bird that he claimed he rescued.

4:27 Take a look.

4:30 Looks like he's trying to rob a bank with a bird.

4:33 Laughter] Well, you know what they say.

4:36 A bird in the hand is worth two raccoon penises in your pocket.

4:38 Laughter] Switching gears, the Met Gala was last night,

4:45 and there were so many amazing looks.

4:47 Here to rate them is our Tonight Show fashion correspondent,

4:50 Oragon Von Mallamoothe.

4:53 -Hello, Jimmy!

4:55 Cheers and applause] You look astronomically "aboravent" today.

5:00 Shoe with sock?

5:02 How dare you?

5:04 I love it.

5:05 Three maracas.

5:07 Maracas shake] -Thank you?

5:09 -No time!

5:10 The looks are afoot.

5:12 First up, Emma Chamberlain melting into a horrible puddle of daffodil daydream.

5:18 This is floor-length room service.

5:20 And my tiny little belly is about to pop.

5:23 Say yes to the dress, but the dress ain't listening.

5:27 Three maracas.

5:29 Maracas shake][ Laughter] -Wait, wait.

5:34 Is that— Is that good or bad?

5:36 -Sorry, baby.

5:38 Fashion waits for no man and Beyoncé waits for no stan.

5:43 This ooky-spooky lookie has a bone to pick.

5:47 And I say put it back...

5:50 on the shelf so you can hold these flowers.

5:53 Come get your crown, queen, 'cause the Bey in apartment 23 is next on ABC.

6:00 Pop!

6:01 Three maracas.

6:03 Maracas shake] -You're giving everything three maracas.

6:09 -Until now!

6:11 Knock, knock.

6:13 Who's there?

6:14 Colman Domingo.

6:16 Sleeves in May?

6:18 2009 called.

6:19 It said happy new year.

6:22 Two maracas.

6:23 Maracas shake] And one for the road.

6:26 Maracas shake][ Laughter] -Is that a lot of maracas or not very many maracas?

6:33 -Let me make this real simple for you, Jimmy.

6:38 Chase Infiniti— This fleur-de-leur burza-burr and makes it purr

6:43 'cause kitty cat don't sat where the bat don't crack.

6:47 If you want to be my lover, you got to wabba-dabba the rubber-baba mama-llama.

6:53 Three maraca-lakas.

6:56 Maracas shake] -You're not even saying words anymore.

6:59 -'Cause fashion isn't about words.

7:02 It's about feeling.

7:04 Come on.

7:06 Rate my outfit.

7:08 Don't think.

7:09 Just feel it.

7:12 -Three maracas?

7:14 Laughter]-[ Gasps] How dare you!

7:20 -Oragon Von Mallamoothe, everyone.

7:23 -Raba-baba-badaba-laba ba-mama-lama.

7:27 Cheers and applause] -Wow.

7:33 The three maracas.

7:36 Well, I saw that Netflix is launching

7:37 a new vertical video feature to compete with TikTok.

7:40 -Oh.

7:41 -Yeah.

7:41 You can swipe through and watch short-form clips of their content.

7:44 There's even a vertical version of "Is It Cake?" Let's check it out.

7:48 -Ooh!

7:48 -That is cake.

7:50 -There you go.

7:51 -Oh.

7:52 Laughter] And finally, guys, it was a huge win at the Garden last night.

7:59 The New York Knicks took Game 1 against the Philadelphia Sixers.

8:04 Yes!

8:06 Go, Knicks!

8:08 Cheers and applause] Well, we wanted to have some fun with Knicks fans,

8:13 so we sent our writer Dion down there

8:15 and challenged him to get fans to say random words.

8:18 He couldn't say the word himself or directly ask them to say it.

8:20 Let's see how it went.

8:22 This is "Repeat After Me." -Jimmy,

8:27 we're down here at the world's most famous arena,

8:29 and we're going to talk to some of the fans about the NBA semifinals.

8:33 Let's go.

8:34 What do the Knicks have to do to be victorious tonight?

8:37 -I mean, they got to keep playing like they were playing the last game.

8:41 You know, KAT no fouls.

8:42 Hopefully another triple double.

8:43 -That's correct.

8:44 And what game are they playing?

8:47 -They're, uh— I mean the game— It's the best one.

8:52 -What about the literal name of the game that they're playing?

8:55 -Basketball.

8:55 -It all starts on the defensive end.

8:57 -I love how confident you are.

8:58 They got to stick on 'em, right?

9:00 -Yeah, they do.

9:01 -Like that, uh— Like, um— Oh, what is it?

9:03 That material that really sticks?

9:05 -Like glue.

9:06 -Like glue, but it makes a sound when it sticks.

9:10 -Velcro.

9:10 -KAT needs to go off.

9:12 KAT needs to play with that New York, that defense.

9:15 -I'm so glad you said "go off" because "OFF," you know, "OFF" that you spray.

9:20 -"OFF," yeah, the mosquitoes.

9:22 -Your wife just went to where?

9:24 -Paris.

9:24 -What's that bread that they make there?

9:26 -I'll tell you what it is.

9:27 Focaccia.

9:27 -The Sixers give me the— the— What is

9:30 it called when you get the— -Heebie jeebies.

9:32 -There's like an ocean animal that I'm thinking of when

9:34 I do this with the flaccid play, you know?

9:36 What is that— What is that in the water all the time?

9:40 The...

9:40 -What, a jellyfish?

9:42 -Yes, exactly.

9:43 -Knicks are hot, baby.

9:44 Yeah.

9:45 -Compare their hotness to something else.

9:46 Like maybe something you cook with.

9:48 -Buffalo wings.

9:49 -But what kind of a device might you cook them in?

9:53 -Um...stove.

9:55 -Stove.

9:56 Grill.

9:56 Oven.

9:57 -The one that blows real hot.

9:59 -Hot.

9:59 -Like, what kind of appliance blows really hot?

10:01 -Oven.

10:03 -Barbecue.

10:04 -Grill.

10:05 -One that blows directly down onto the food and cooks it.

10:08 -Microwave.

10:10 Microwave.

10:11 -Let's go, Knicks!

10:12 -You know, I feel like— One more thing— I just feel like a victory would be,

10:15 like, what is the phrase I'm looking for?

10:17 It's like...

10:18 Maybe you remember it, uh, from like Colonel Sanders.

10:21 You remember they would say of the chicken, it was...

10:23 -Finger lickin'?

10:24 Finger lickin' good.

10:25 -Yes.

10:25 -Let's go, Knicks.

10:27 -And what is the best thing to have to eat alongside of that Philly cheesesteak?

10:32 -A beautiful, beautiful Coca-Cola.

10:34 -You don't know what's going to happen next.

10:36 Like on that— Well, I can never think of the name of it.

10:38 That one show on HBO.

10:40 It's a series.

10:40 It's crazy.

10:41 There are hotels and stuff.

10:42 -Oh, "White Lotus." Is that what you're— -Yes, that is exactly.

10:46 -What way is "White Lotus" like the New York Knicks?

10:48 -To a soft drink, what would you compare them to?

10:51 -Coca-Cola.

10:51 We're the best in the game.

10:53 -Now if you had to compare them to a green soft drink, what would it be?

10:56 -Mountain Dew.

10:57 -All right, so actually, I won two free tickets.

11:00 -And you just bounced over here from there?

11:02 -Right over here.

11:03 -Yeah, like, just like,

11:04 what's that noise that it makes when you bounce down the street?

11:06 -I was like, "boing, boing, boing!" You know?

11:08 -That's crazy, man.

11:09 That's all from the Garden.

11:11 Back to you, Jimmy.

11:12 -Not bad, Dion.

11:13 Nine out of 12.

11:15 Cheers and applause] We have a great show.

11:16 Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen.

11:18 Yeah, up steps that one and only in the flesh♪♪ Senegalese,

11:22 Sierra Leonean, fresh to death, big homie♪♪ And perhaps the best,

11:25 y'all know me from somewhere♪♪ Now respect the Questo♪ -Ah!

11:30 Very good.

11:31 Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.

11:33 -I want to mention some exciting news.

11:35 We have some big guests coming up— from the Rolling Stones, Mick Jagger,

11:38 Keith Richards, and Ronnie Wood will all be here on the show.

11:42 Cheers and applause] Mick— Mick is on tomorrow night,

11:46 Keith is on Thursday, and then Ronnie is on next Wednesday.

11:49 They have a new album out July 10th called "Foreign Tongues." It's fantastic.

11:53 We'll be talking to them about that.

11:54 Lots of fun stuff planned.

11:56 I cannot wait.

11:56 It's Rolling Stones Week on "The Tonight Show." The Stones!

12:00 Cheers and applause] "Foreign Tongues." That was a great game last night.

12:05 Uh, sorry, Roots, but...

12:07 -Agh.

12:08 Laughs] -Roots are from Philly.

12:10 But the Knicks won 137-98.

12:14 Cheering] 137.

12:15 Yeah, it was great!

12:16 I went to the game.

12:18 I was lucky enough to get tickets to the game.

12:20 So, I went last night, and it happened again.

12:22 They gave me— they upgraded my seats.

12:24 'Cause I'll take any seat, I'll go anywhere.

12:26 But they go, "Oh, you want to sit courtside?" I go, "I'm okay." They go, "Yeah,

12:29 you should do it." I go, "I'm fine." They go,

12:32 "No." Then they put me— they put me next to the team.

12:34 Audience oohs] It's stressful.

12:36 It's—[ Laughter] I don't know what to do.

12:39 I'm hearing play calls.

12:40 I'm hearing the coach yell at the players

12:42 and they're yelling at— I mean, it's too inside.

12:44 I don't like it.

12:45 It frightens me.

12:45 And I'm right next to them.

12:47 They're standing right there, like...

12:48 -Make you feel tiny.

12:49 -Yeah.

12:49 They're big athletes.

12:51 Yeah.

12:51 Even the referees are big.

12:53 I mean, the referee's, like,

12:54 butt was in my face for, like, the whole game, right there.

12:57 I mean, I was just, like, sitting there like,

12:58 I don't want to get in anyone's way or do anything.

13:00 So, I don't make eye contact.

13:02 I don't look at the Knicks because they've all been on the show.

13:04 Jalen Brunson's been on a bunch of times, KAT has been on a bunch of times,

13:08 Josh Hart has been on the show many times.

13:11 Super fun guy, and cool.

13:13 But I don't want to distract him and have him go like,

13:15 "Hey, how you doing?" You know?

13:16 But Josh Hart is just fun and he's cool.

13:19 So, he came up to me and was like, "What's up?" Shook my hand...

13:23 Laughter] I didn't want anything to do with it.

13:25 Just go play the game and win.

13:27 And so, anyways, the game is playing,

13:29 they're winning, and then this happens to me.

13:31 Watch this.

13:32 -Three minutes left in this third.

13:34 Look at Josh Hart.

13:36 You know, he's always known as a jokester,

13:38 and goes right up to the ultimate jokester, Jimmy Fallon, and says "Yeah,

13:41 let me let me help you out with that." Unties his shoe.

13:44 That was a quick retie by Fallon.

13:46 Cheers and applause] -He untied my shoe.

13:51 It's the best move ever, dude, he leaned down,

13:54 I thought he was fixing stuff on his— He went down and just untied my shoe.

13:58 Laughter] And walked off.

14:01 Man, it just made me laugh.

14:03 And now, I'm just going to know,

14:04 from now on, I'm just going to wear cowboy boots to the Knicks games.

14:07 Yeah.

14:07 Go, Knicks!

14:08 Thank you, Josh.

14:09 Guys, stick around.

14:09 We'll be right back with "The Tonight Show" "Four Shot Jackpot"!

14:13 Here we go.

14:13 This is good.