Domani, Deante’ Kyle & Terrell Carter Speak on Toxic Childhoods & Breaking Cycles | For The Fellas

0:00 Excuse me.

0:01 Yeah, my guy.

0:02 Man.

0:03 Yeah.

0:03 To hear the stories that other other people deal with is it

0:06 it it it reminds you of what you you dealt with [music] yourself.

0:12 Today we're celebrating the women who raised [music] us,

0:15 shaped us, and held it all together, like mothers.

0:18 The ones who care so much, give so much,

0:21 and still show up with love every single day.

0:23 I'm your host Brian McIntosh, and joining me on the couch,

0:26 I've got the right black men to have this conversation.

0:33 First up, we got a brother who really built his lane off being himself.

0:36 No filter, no gimmicks.

0:38 Whether he's making you laugh or making you think,

0:40 his content hits because it's real.

0:42 And with his hit podcast Grits& Eggs,

0:44 he's creating space for conversations that actually matter.

0:47 Fellas, it's an honor to welcome the one and only De'Aunte Carroll.

0:50 Thanks for having me, man.

0:51 Nah, I appreciate you being here, black man, for sure.

0:53 You're having an amazing year, bro.

0:54 Congrats on everything.

0:56 Thank you.

0:56 Next, we got an artist who's not just making music.

0:58 [music] He's telling his story in real time.

1:00 Navigating identity, growth, pressure, all of it.

1:03 And doing it with intention, he's carved out his own voice while

1:06 carrying a name that people already recognize.

1:09 And he's proven every day that he's his own man,

1:11 while proving Atlanta ain't never scared with his new project Hot Seat.

1:14 ATL's very own, Don Mon.

1:16 My guy.

1:17 My guy, man.

1:18 It's a pleasure having you, man.

1:19 Congrats on all the new success.

1:20 Appreciate it, man.

1:21 for sure.

1:22 And last but not least,

1:23 we got a man who's been showing us

1:24 what it looks like to bring depth, vulnerability, and presence to the screen,

1:28 while playing our guy Attorney Bonnie

1:29 on the number one show on Netflix right now, Beauty and the Black.

1:32 He's an actor, singer, author.

1:34 Let's give it up for our guy, Terrell Carter.

1:36 Thank you.

1:37 Thank you.

1:43 I think I speak on behalf of the brand

1:45 when I say we appreciate you guys being here.

1:46 I couldn't think of a better group of guys to have

1:49 as we honor Mother's Day and talk about mental health.

1:51 We're very intentional about who we have on this show,

1:53 and I think the way you guys speak positivity and show up for black women,

1:57 I think it speaks volumes to your character and I

1:59 think it shows up in how the black women, man, they love y'all right now, man.

2:01 Y'all are doing y'all thing, so again, appreciate you guys being here.

2:04 Man, thank you for having Nah, for sure, for sure, man.

2:06 Now, we hear all the time that, you know,

2:08 black mothers are always, you know, the strongest person in the household,

2:11 but I think I I think I speak for all black women

2:13 I say they tired of being they tired of being the strongest.

2:16 Black women black mothers black women they

2:18 tired of always being the strongest person, you know what I'm saying?

2:20 And it's a study show that a high

2:22 percentage of black single mothers experience depression.

2:25 And you know, with that so much weight on one person that naturally

2:28 impacts the environment and household in which kids are brought up in.

2:31 And Terrell, I want to come to you cuz, you know,

2:32 you shared your story in your book, The Problem Child,

2:35 about your journey with your mom and just, you know, your mom having you at 11,

2:39 you know what I'm saying, dealing with abuse at a young age.

2:41 Just share, you know, how does one even,

2:44 you know, come out of a situation like that?

2:46 I see you here, bro, you having this amazing career with longevity,

2:49 man, you've done so many amazing things.

2:51 How does one rise out of that and come out on the other side?

2:54 Well, for me, my mom was 11 years old when she had me.

2:56 She was 11 years old, special needs, one leg amputated at birth.

3:00 She was uh molested by my dad.

3:02 He was from the same family and she was 20 6.

3:05 Now, that was a story that I didn't want to tell.

3:07 It was a story that I kept hidden for years,

3:09 you know, I mean, nobody wants to talk about that.

3:11 You know, especially black families.

3:12 Black families, everything that you do,

3:14 you you can do this, but don't go down the street and tell nobody, you know.

3:17 And I realized how important it was for me

3:20 to tell my story because we all got our story.

3:22 We all got our stuff, you know.

3:24 And yeah, black women uh have always been the backbone of our families.

3:27 You know, they have always been been

3:29 the back backbone when I was growing up especially.

3:31 I'm not, you know, there were a lot

3:33 of families that that that the fathers weren't there,

3:36 you know, and and that my moms and grandmoms had to be who they were.

3:39 So, you know, my mom and my grandmother is who

3:43 was there for me and coming out of that, you know,

3:45 I had someone ask me, you know, in an interview before, you know,

3:48 God was the only thing that that that that I

3:50 can actually attest to being the the link

3:54 for me being who I am today because I very well could have been like my mom,

3:58 you know, but to be able to walk the earth and go

4:00 out and and and and bless the people as this man,

4:03 you know, I'm grateful for that.

4:04 But I'm also the voice that that you know,

4:07 my mom was molested like I said and she

4:10 nobody wanted to hear from this special needs 11-year-old baby.

4:14 And ironically here I am the voice that speaks to millions of people,

4:18 you know, that she she was they never wanted to hear from her.

4:21 So, Yeah.

4:22 You even just sharing that story,

4:24 it happens a lot in black families and you know, our grandmas, our grandpas,

4:28 we know, we try to put it in the back

4:30 of our mind and just act like it never happened.

4:32 You know what I'm saying?

4:33 We're just carrying this trauma and it

4:34 gets passed down from generation to generation.

4:36 And Deontay, I know you used to always you

4:37 spoken out about this multiple times on your platform where

4:40 it's like a lot of people we think it's okay

4:41 if we don't talk about it and that's not true.

4:43 Yeah, no.

4:44 I think um that was probably one of the most freeing opportunities for me um

4:51 when I talked about my my like being molested as a young man by older woman.

4:56 I was a kid.

4:57 I don't even want to say young man.

4:58 I was kid.

4:58 I was 8 years old.

4:59 But that vulnerability of being like able to talk around like how,

5:06 you know, like in adolescence sex was weird to me.

5:09 Like I didn't want to deal with that cuz it

5:11 was like my introduction to it was off-putting as hell.

5:15 And so, it didn't make me resent like women at all because as I got older I come

5:22 to find out like the the girl that did

5:23 it to me something somebody did that to her.

5:26 And um you know, that's something that that happened

5:29 in my family a few times that get swept under the rug.

5:32 So, usually you hear about this happening to women and they speak on it.

5:36 Um but they actually support each other

5:39 in those times like that especially like through lived experience.

5:43 But it was beautiful to see a lot of men come out and share their stories, too,

5:46 and be able to be vulnerable like I think sometimes they don't look

5:49 at it like that and we kind of like subvert it to like

5:52 some badge of honor like yeah I lost my virginity at eight

5:55 it's like no that's not no that's not what that was and even

6:00 with my my like I same situation my mother passed in 2019 um

6:05 but you know she had a lot of issues with her womb and things

6:09 like that and having stillborns and miscarriages so she adopted me at two

6:13 days old and like so I don't know my birth mother I never met

6:18 these people and I grew up with she had me since I was

6:20 like a newborn and it's like man that woman saved my life and I

6:24 saved hers cuz she wanted a baby you know what I mean so

6:28 I think her ability to kind of maneuver through her traumas yeah we

6:32 seen it in the house like we seen it especially like when

6:34 her and my dad split up you see stuff like that in the house that's

6:37 just like this tension is always present or and you know they come

6:43 from a different my mom from like she from the city of Atlanta like

6:47 she come up like we don't talk about our feelings we don't talk

6:49 about them everything come off as fighting you know what I'm saying so

6:53 I think feeling that tension on her and then seeing as she got

6:56 older and got sicker being a little bit more vulnerable it wasn't easy

6:59 for her you know what I mean to have to depend on other

7:02 people like she lost her vision um 2014 and like those those things like

7:08 that where she was having strokes it's like her keeping everything in and then

7:13 it's going to eventually like erode you from the inside out and that's

7:16 what what happened with her not to mention you know black people deal

7:19 with sickle cell she had sickle cell anemia so it's like these these layered

7:23 situations that's going on in this house that nobody speaking about you

7:27 know like she if her leg lock up and she got to go

7:29 to the hospital she not talking through like where this come from and what

7:34 causes it and things it's like oh it's just stress it's just stress

7:38 and so it's like when I'm outside acting a fool it's like well you

7:41 stressing your mom out and you know if she gets stressed out it's like,

7:44 but that's not the Don't put it on the kid.

7:46 Like, let's talk about the deeper conversation there and what other

7:50 things she might be stressed over that she may not be discussing,

7:53 but unfortunately, you know, upon her passing, um it was it wasn't like sudden.

8:00 It was like, you know, the stroke she you kept having strokes so

8:04 eventually your quality of life get worse and worse,

8:07 but the fortunate part is like a a couple of years before

8:10 that we really got to sit down and have like a real conversation.

8:13 Mhm.

8:13 Um I was kind of I was I was getting my stuff together,

8:16 you know, I had two kids at the time.

8:18 I was living in Florida.

8:19 I was working I was stable.

8:20 I was working a great job.

8:22 And we was able to like kind of go through all our Like, you know,

8:27 I I was a very apologetic for you know, the stress that I may have caused.

8:31 You know, it's not easy to watch talk to your son in uh jail

8:35 visitations and like that or see him in court facing 10 years and like that.

8:39 And I think a big part of me changing my life where

8:41 I was seeing like how much stress I was causing her, too.

8:44 Mhm.

8:44 But, um I think when it comes to just like sexual assault and things

8:48 like that, these things have been passed down and over so many generations Yep.

8:53 and kept quiet over so many generations.

8:55 Like, even a situation like that, it's like uh w- s- I you know,

9:01 if I could be frank like she be dead, bro.

9:03 Like, you know what I'm saying?

9:04 Like, that's just how I feel.

9:06 You know what I'm saying?

9:07 Like, that this that that's because Yep.

9:10 you you he coming to the world into trauma.

9:14 You know what I'm saying?

9:15 She got to live with this the rest of her life,

9:16 but not to mention all the people around that's affected.

9:19 You know what I'm saying?

9:19 Like, it's just like drug addiction.

9:21 It's just like everything else.

9:22 Like, one person being extremely traumatized

9:24 in the household affect everybody in the household.

9:27 And you carry that out into the world with you, too.

9:29 Nah.

9:30 Nah, that's real, bro.

9:31 And you know, it it hurts the family unit for black people.

9:33 You know what I mean?

9:34 It's like we it takes us a step back, you know what I mean?

9:36 So, that's why I think I appreciate, you know,

9:39 what you and your family, bro, you know,

9:40 the positive image you guys have always portrayed as a black family unit,

9:44 you know, what I'm saying?

9:44 Even being a blended family, you know, what I mean?

9:46 I think people need to see that.

9:48 And that that has been something that we can

9:50 all kind of gravitate to to and appreciate that.

9:52 And I know even though you grew up, you know,

9:53 you grew up with a you know, a great life, but you dealt with things as well.

9:56 People don't realize like when TI got locked up, you were in like kindergarten,

9:59 first grade, and you're dealing with like teachers making comments,

10:02 kids making comments.

10:03 You're having to deal with this national

10:04 spotlight while I was just trying to navigate.

10:06 You're just trying to learn your ABCs, bro, do your colors,

10:08 and you got to deal with things like that.

10:10 And it was your mother, you know, what I'm saying?

10:11 And your stepmom with Tiny that were there

10:13 for you holding things down while TI was away, man.

10:15 So, I think, you know, to see, you know,

10:17 two women come together and to, you know,

10:19 hold everything down, like that needs to be talked about more.

10:22 So, just share kind of like, you know, what your mom has meant to you or how

10:24 she just kind of helps you get through your days.

10:27 Yeah, definitely a a blended fam- blended family.

10:32 And um it never really felt like that.

10:34 Like even um even even this the stuff that you you listed out,

10:39 like the stuff uh my father being arrested,

10:42 locked up, going through stuff in court,

10:44 it never really affected me like that I could think back at and cuz

10:49 we were so I I went we were so active doing other stuff,

10:54 some would say distracted, but we we had that at our disposal.

10:58 We was in sports.

11:00 We was uh we had all the toys, you know, what I mean?

11:02 We had all the different houses to to to jump over.

11:06 Grandma house, mom house, dad house.

11:09 So, um it never really seemed like it it affected me like that.

11:14 So, I'm still figuring that stuff out.

11:16 And I hate to hear what y'all saying, man.

11:19 I'm I'm truly sorry that about that.

11:21 And that but that's real, though.

11:23 So, so that's why I like conversations like

11:25 this because people really be going through stuff like that.

11:29 And it's a real thing.

11:30 And then like like y'all saying, people don't know how to speak about that.

11:34 Don't know if it's normal,

11:35 like if other people going through it cuz they may see a family like

11:40 mine's on TV or social media or just down the road across the street.

11:45 Maybe a friend may have that family that looks just perfect and it's like damn,

11:50 my family nothing like this.

11:51 Look at them like that.

11:53 I must be weird or my family must be weird.

11:55 I'mma just try to sweep it under the rug.

11:58 I don't think that's realistic at all.

12:00 Like everyone got their everyone got their things and everyone we all

12:04 working through it and figuring it out every step of the way.

12:07 But so so when I hear stuff like that, man, it's a blessing.

12:11 But I also think like I also think about how

12:15 other people may feel seeing such a quote-unquote perfect image.

12:19 Now I only say quote-unquote perfect,

12:21 it's not like I'm trying to say it's some bad stuff, but nothing's perfect.

12:24 No one's perfect, you know what I'm saying?

12:26 So um when I think about that, I love it,

12:30 but I don't want people to get a misunderstanding about it like nah,

12:35 bro, this is um people really go through stuff and it's okay to talk about it.

12:39 So that's why I'm glad I'm here.

12:40 I know that I'm able to provide for my kids.

12:43 Me and my wife provide for our kids like something we didn't have growing up,

12:46 which is two parents in the house.

12:48 Um I would say like my mom dealt when I was like 11,

12:52 and so I lived with my dad through our middle school when they split.

12:55 And like but leading up to that, I

12:58 would say probably like fourth or fifth grade,

13:00 it was just so much tension in the house

13:01 like when they told us we were getting divorced, we were kind of relieved like

13:05 [snorts]

13:05 Yeah.

13:05 But thank you because like [clears throat and cough]

13:08 don't nobody want to be around we love y'all.

13:09 We don't want to be around y'all fighting all the time.

13:11 And then you know, things get a little wicked where it's like

13:16 your parents can only hide it from you for so long till

13:19 the point where it's like now you kind of feel like you

13:21 got to choose sides cuz like I'm like pops might be at work,

13:24 mom and her talking about him like okay, I'm of see where my mom is coming from.

13:29 But then pops come and he pop his part.

13:30 I'm like, Nah, I kind of you know what I'm saying?

13:33 And I don't feel like I got to pick between

13:35 and it's like well I don't want to do that.

13:36 I'd rather y'all just go y'all separate ways.

13:39 Wow.

13:39 And like when I'm with you, let's just focus on our relationship and then

13:43 when I'm with her, let's focus on that relationship.

13:45 But that's not like that's just idealistic.

13:47 That's not realistic.

13:48 Like these folk is hurt.

13:50 They their relationship didn't work out.

13:51 Yeah.

13:52 For whatever reason, you know what I mean?

13:53 I won't y'all deep folk business, but I know.

13:56 And seeing seeing seeing like your family on TV is

13:59 it's the same for me is when I was younger,

14:01 my family was as crazy.

14:03 However, seeing a family like that was like seeing the Cosby show.

14:06 You know, I I I had never seen a family

14:08 like the Cosby show or family like your family.

14:11 But it also reminded me that it must be somewhere out there.

14:14 Like that the that I'm dealing with, I don't have to stay here.

14:17 That there is something out there, you know?

14:18 And anybody that's looking at it saying, you know,

14:20 oh they think they all that then them.

14:22 Excuse me, but that's just that's the difference.

14:24 I was going to answer that.

14:25 It's it's it's a blessing to have what you have.

14:28 And then have a blended family and y'all like,

14:30 you know, it don't matter who blended,

14:31 we going to do this and make it like this and be public about it?

14:35 Man, that's such a blessing.

14:36 And and it and it's something that I'm like I I'm

14:38 honored to like look to to look at that, you know?

14:41 I watched I did I worked with Felicia Rashad on on the on the on Empire.

14:46 She played my aunt and I remember watching her on the Cosby show Yeah.

14:49 thinking, you know, I've never seen a mother that was this or a black

14:53 family that had had generational wealth or anything like that where I come from.

14:58 But it was something that was more inspirational.

15:01 So so so so to see your family and to see how y'all

15:03 are now and Tameka Scott from Xscape is one of my best friends.

15:06 So I know Tiny from that, you know?

15:08 And to just know that that y'all putting that out into the world,

15:11 man, ain't ain't nothing to to be nothing but happy about.

15:15 Yeah.

15:16 I'm glad [clears throat] it's coming across the right way, man,

15:18 cuz I didn't want people to to to see it and and think,

15:22 oh well, this is what I supposed to be in my life,

15:24 nothing like this, so I don't need to talk about it." Yeah.

15:28 Now, I think I think that we need like especially in our community,

15:30 it's like there can't be like gross representation in one extreme or the other.

15:36 I think we always operate in these extremes where

15:38 it's like either things is perfect or they're completely dysfunctional.

15:41 And it's like everything in life kind of exist in the middle.

15:44 You have your moments where like y'all knocking this out the park.

15:47 Yeah.

15:47 But then these areas it's like we need to work on this a little bit.

15:50 And that's just like in individuals and family units and everything else.

15:54 And I think to the first like premise is just say discussing

15:58 these things and like being open about it even if it's uncomfortable like Yeah.

16:02 Yep.

16:02 The thing is is like even in your discomfort the truth is

16:06 what matters more than anything else like as long as we being honest

16:10 about what's going on and as long as the people have the freedom

16:13 to express how things make them feel it's like it's out there.

16:17 Yeah.

16:17 You know what I mean?

16:18 Holding it close to your chest or holding

16:19 it in and it's like that's destroying people.

16:21 Especially the stuff that makes you uncomfortable.

16:23 That's the stuff that we never talk about.

16:25 Like even being here today it's great that we can like open a door for us

16:29 to be able to say say some things that we don't like to talk about.

16:31 Yeah, for sure.

16:32 Yeah, and that's where the growth come from.

16:34 Absolutely.

16:34 [clears throat] But I had a question, man.

16:36 Now that we're talking about showing the importance of just like

16:42 telling like it is not hiding stuff and we're talking about kids.

16:45 How do you feel like it is when you and your girl

16:49 or the mother of your child have like a disagreement,

16:51 how should that be handled?

16:52 Should the should it be like we go in another

16:54 room and we talk and the kids don't see it or like the kids see it or like how

16:59 should we cuz if cuz if it's too perfect, right?

17:02 The kid may grow up and have

17:04 their own relationship and feel like, "Damn, we arguing.

17:06 I never seen my parents argue.

17:09 I feel like we doing something wrong.

17:10 I'm not supposed to be like how do you how do you feel you should handle that?"

17:13 That's a great question.

17:14 So, I'mma to two things can be true.

17:17 A wise woman once told me that.

17:19 When it comes to argue in front of a child, my son is eight.

17:23 I never forget my son was 3 years old

17:27 and we're out to eat with some mutual friends at time.

17:30 And they was like, "More, you know, how how was your day today?

17:33 You did this." He like, "It wasn't that good.

17:35 Mommy and Daddy was arguing all day." And he three.

17:40 [laughter] Number one, that's embarrassing, right?

17:42 We had a we had this nice restaurant.

17:43 We were mutual friends and family and my 3-year-old like,

17:46 "Yo, my mom and dad they can't get it together.

17:48 They was They was arguing this morning.

17:49 They was arguing in the car.

17:50 They was arguing the whole way to the restaurant." Right.

17:53 Um for a 3-year-old to see something like that, right?

17:55 Like they're not young enough to process like when I was

17:58 16 I saw my parents arguing but I was also 16.

18:01 Right?

18:01 I can I can process it differently and I also know like,

18:03 all right, people people are going

18:04 to disagree but a 3-year-old isn't that mentally,

18:07 you know, formed yet to understand

18:09 the difference and understand like, okay, like yo,

18:11 like mom and dad like arguing all day that's like are they okay?

18:14 And it's like, now he's coming to the side like, "Dad,

18:16 are you okay?" He going with mom, "Mama, are you okay?

18:18 Like is something wrong?" So that I will say when the younger stages I

18:23 think parents should try You should try

18:25 to keep the child's innocence a little bit.

18:27 Even if y'all not even if y'all not together,

18:29 whatever I think it should always be a unified front in front of a young child.

18:33 I'm a big advocate for that.

18:34 Haven't always been perfect at doing that but I I

18:36 feel like I've done a good enough job with my son.

18:38 He's eight.

18:39 He's a happy ass kid.

18:40 He he he has a great personality.

18:42 He loves both his parents, you know what I'm saying?

18:44 But you know, when you get older I do

18:46 think it's okay to kind of show some vulnerability, right?

18:49 Cuz to your point, you don't want your son he never saw his parents argue

18:52 and then he getting one argument with his with his with his with his fiance.

18:56 He like, "Oh, you ain't the one." Cuz my parents never did this, right?

18:59 It's not really realistic.

19:00 So I think understanding that I think it help more men.

19:03 I think that can help help men be more faithful, you know what I'm saying?

19:05 And being and locking in with family and not thinking that every time like,

19:08 all right, bro, we didn't have the kid.

19:10 We not doing what we used to do every night.

19:11 And it's like, bro, my she just had a baby, bro.

19:13 Like, that's not So, you need to see that.

19:15 That was a long answer, but hope I answered it.

19:17 Like what to your point earlier, maneuvering through discomfort.

19:19 Like, understanding Yeah.

19:21 Even when I was young, when she you know,

19:23 the most excited is like when she call you and like, my water broke.

19:27 It's like, boy, it's game time.

19:30 Yeah.

19:30 Only thing you care about is like this this we have a successful birth,

19:33 you know what I mean?

19:34 And we don't think about the body changes they go through.

19:38 Their hormones out of whack.

19:39 Postpartum is a real thing.

19:41 This probably one of the most vulnerable situations.

19:42 Like, she spread eagle in front of strangers and you know,

19:46 all these different complications can happen.

19:48 Like, you know, when my second son when he came out,

19:50 he still had fluid in his lungs.

19:52 They had to pump his lungs like we holding our breath in there

19:55 like And and of course your mind going to go to the worst like,

19:58 is my son going to die?

19:59 Like Yeah.

20:00 All this stuff, you know what I mean?

20:01 And luckily like, you know, doctors they came in and do their thing.

20:04 The way the doctor walked in the room, I was like, now he's straight.

20:07 Yeah.

20:07 He was too confident.

20:08 Like, I'm I got this,

20:10 bro.

20:10 You know what I'm saying?

20:11 But I I I think we don't think about beauty standards

20:15 that exist in the world where they don't feel pretty and they don't,

20:18 you know, like all these ideas like unrealistic ideas of like,

20:21 you got to snatch it back.

20:22 You got to drop this baby weight.

20:23 So, like now it's a lot of pressure like,

20:25 even before their body fully heal that they they

20:27 feel like they need to work out and they

20:28 need to get in the gym and lose the baby

20:30 weight and keep up with all these different things.

20:32 And dedicate my entire life to this new human.

20:37 And try to get this dude on board while he just like cuz he

20:41 don't have to deal with none of the like physical pain that come with it.

20:44 Yeah.

20:44 So, Wow.

20:46 I think like when I was younger,

20:48 I was undermining the seriousness of it because it's like,

20:50 man, I got to work, you know, I I'm trying to provide.

20:53 You know what I'm saying?

20:54 You at home, you ain't got to work, you know.

20:55 And I'm thinking about the the the societal

20:59 part of it of like just being provisionary,

21:01 but I'm not thinking about the emotional part.

21:03 I'm not thinking about her emotional labor.

21:05 I'm not thinking about the fact that she

21:06 don't consider what she can't do anymore

21:10 cuz this baby's so young and dependent on while I get to like just you know,

21:13 under the guise of being a man, I get to still just go go go.

21:16 You know what I mean?

21:17 Her life is on pause, so it's like a lot of these things carry

21:20 over and like sometimes sometimes they come up later.

21:23 Yeah.

21:23 You know what I mean?

21:24 And it's like the mature part is just to be understanding not be defensive.

21:29 Yeah.

21:29 And I used to have a big issue with that.

21:31 Like anything she would say to me, I'm getting defensive.

21:33 Why you coming to me?

21:33 Like I'm doing every I'm trying to do everything You're right.

21:35 Right.

21:35 It's not about doing everything right.

21:37 It's about the fact that like she's feeling these things that she

21:39 may not have expressed in a moment to keep the peace,

21:42 but now it's like she don't got no peace within herself.

21:44 Yeah.

21:45 So it's like well, We finna break all the peace off in here.

21:48 Even yours.

21:49 Yeah.

21:49 You know what I'm saying?

21:50 You're like you're having a good day, guess what?

21:52 I'm finna ruin that.

21:53 You know what I mean?

21:53 You got to deal with it, but it's like it's real.

21:56 Yeah.

21:56 And I think repressing it it's only going to make the situation worse.

21:59 So like even to the point of like you know,

22:01 at a certain point when the baby's young,

22:03 it's like let's let's keep the baby out of it.

22:06 You know what I'm saying?

22:07 But we deal with this from a mature

22:09 perspective of understanding each other's emotions.

22:12 As long as it's like being expressed in that way.

22:17 Yeah.

22:16 Sometimes, you know, facts ain't feelings, but like feelings feel so real, bro.

22:20 Yeah.

22:20 They're like it can distort your reality.

22:23 And that goes for both.

22:24 I think a lot of times we like to Yep.

22:26 donate a lot of emotional to women.

22:28 Like women is so emotional.

22:29 Like men are emotional as hell, bro.

22:31 That's fact.

22:31 We just are taught not to be overt about our expression.

22:36 Like we supposed to keep everything straight to the chest.

22:39 Like ain't nothing bothering me.

22:40 Don't nothing bother me.

22:41 And then you die at 48 cuz you ain't never cry.

22:43 Right.

22:44 Yeah.

22:44 You know what I'm saying?

22:45 Like it's just real.

22:46 Like we got to be a little bit more honest about

22:49 how we feeling about things and and be able to be vulnerable.

22:51 What's like if you can lay down and make a life with somebody,

22:54 why can't you be vulnerable with them emotionally?

22:56 Yep.

22:58 You know what I'm saying?

22:58 Like that's as vulnerable as it gets.

23:00 I agree.

23:01 Creating life.

23:02 Yeah.

23:02 You know what I'm saying?

23:03 Yeah, no, no.

23:04 I'm curious, man.

23:05 My dad had me at 60.

23:06 So, I'm curious, man.

23:08 You know what I'm saying?

23:08 I know you know we're close to 60, you know what I'm saying?

23:10 But, you're a OG in the game.

23:11 Is kids something that you still want in life?

23:13 because of the way I was born,

23:15 I I I I had to, you know, even doing deep therapy, you know,

23:18 which took me a little sometime to get to because,

23:21 as I said, you know, I I just, you know,

23:23 it wasn't that I didn't think things were wrong or things were could be fixed,

23:26 but, you know, just growing up in the way that we grew up,

23:28 especially I was, you know,

23:29 my generation is a little bit before y'alls is that we didn't talk about it.

23:33 So, it took a long time before I just said,

23:35 "It's time for me to break down and go to therapy to get rid

23:39 of some of this that I I didn't have anything to do with." You know,

23:42 I can't just sit around and say the trauma that I dealt with, you know,

23:45 and my mom you know, my dad did this and my dad did that, you know,

23:48 even though these were things that I had nothing to do with, you know,

23:51 you were carrying those things around.

23:52 So, you weren't able to, you know, my sense of love was warped.

23:56 My sense of relationship was warped.

23:58 I mean, how could I even figure out I I what I grew

24:01 up watching was what I what I took out into the world, you know?

24:05 So, I had to figure that out.

24:07 And what I just decided was it wasn't that I said I I didn't want children,

24:10 but I didn't want children in a life that wouldn't be able

24:14 to be the dad that you be you guys being right now.

24:17 And I didn't want to bring a child into this world that would

24:20 go through the things that I went through wanting to have that manly,

24:24 masculine figure there, you know,

24:27 where my grandmother was a wonderful grandmother,

24:30 but she was a you know, she wasn't a good father.

24:31 She wasn't supposed to be.

24:33 You know, you're not you're not held accountable by a grandmother.

24:36 You know, and and that sounds really great crazy, but as a man,

24:40 there were things that someone asked, they said, "You came out still good.

24:42 I mean, you you're like this and you won all over the world." Yeah, I did,

24:45 but there were things that just sitting down

24:47 with with y'all is like I feel like I'm I'm

24:49 like seven excited because I got guys just talking

24:53 about that I've never I've seen men do usually.

24:57 And I'm this at this point in my life.

24:58 So, you know, having children for me, you know,

25:01 it was so many things that I wanted to work

25:02 through in my own life along with being an entertainer

25:05 where I'm all over the all over the place

25:07 and and and just as maybe the time would have come, you know, here we are again.

25:12 I'm at you know, the show is no more.

25:13 I'm running around again.

25:14 So, no, I don't want to bring any any child

25:16 into the world that I can't give the child what I didn't have.

25:19 your stepmom, Tameka, on the Tameka Hall Show and she spoke about you know,

25:23 you know, the record that you released in In Her Defense.

25:26 We don't have to get into the antics,

25:27 but the record that you're releasing in In Her Defense and how surprised

25:30 and how much she appreciated that for you to kind of you know,

25:33 speak out and do that.

25:34 And we usually don't see people do that especially you know, you know,

25:37 it's a stepmom and you you know,

25:38 you you going you going to war like it's your own mama, man.

25:41 Just speak to like the dynamics you guys have,

25:43 but also I'm curious what's the dynamic between you know,

25:45 your mom and your stepmom, Tameka.

25:48 Right.

25:49 It really was simple cuz it bothered us all.

25:53 It bothered us all.

25:54 Um And I know she said she didn't really care too much about it,

25:58 but we were bothered.

26:01 We were for sure bothered.

26:02 And um I'm an artist, so I'm speaking on the record.

26:06 I'm an artist, so I I allow things to move my pen.

26:10 I I don't really speak much like like

26:13 in personal like my day-to-day life about my emotions,

26:17 how I really feel about stuff.

26:19 And I so I use music as that.

26:22 Music and it's been working for me.

26:23 Music is like my therapy, so why would I not speak how I feel in my music?

26:28 And I I think it came across like you know what I mean,

26:30 we were really all bothered by by the situation.

26:34 But but that's that, but my parents and Tameka

26:39 really the whole family has a like I said before,

26:41 it really didn't feel like a blended family.

26:43 Like everyone was friends, cordial.

26:46 We we done went out together.

26:47 We done um Nothing was weird.

26:49 Nothing It like there was just like a separation.

26:52 You know what I mean?

26:53 That that I could think of.

26:54 So and that's that's um respectable.

26:59 Now that I'm older and I got my child,

27:00 I'm like I see how easy and then I got friends

27:02 that got kids and they co-parent and they got their problem.

27:05 I see how easy it is to for it to go all

27:08 the way left and to see my family just always chose to stick together.

27:12 Whether they may have problems or not, like we never seen it.

27:15 So it's like to to see them always choose to stick together

27:18 and be cool when it could have went and left so easily.

27:21 I commend them for that.

27:22 Yeah, nah nah and I saw the interview with your dad and you know

27:25 y'all were going through this conversation talking

27:27 about life and you was like yo, dad you really a good dude.

27:31 And this and this tipped the king now like I saw him

27:33 I don't know if he was expecting you to say that and you

27:35 could see him pause for a second and take it

27:36 to the back and it's kind of like papa the grandpa that went

27:38 his whole life without saying like I love you or hearing I

27:41 love you and then to hear his grandson say that, you can

27:43 kind of see that in his face in that moment how much

27:45 he appreciated his son that he raised for you to say that.

27:48 You know what I'm saying?

27:48 So that was hard.

27:50 Hard.

27:50 Yo yo you like you we like y'all having a mid conversation you was like yo,

27:53 like you really actually like a good dude.

27:55 Like you a good dad, you know what I mean?

27:57 Bro I know that like meant a lot to him.

27:59 Yeah.

28:00 That was man I think I I I ain't telling

28:02 him this but I think that's one of my best interviews.

28:04 Not to just think about it from that standpoint but because

28:07 that was my first situation where I could really be like comfortable.

28:11 I feel like people not really trying to pick apart and trying

28:14 to clip and clip some stuff like this my dad right here.

28:18 And we could really like um I think in that interview we broke

28:22 down different walls and we had

28:24 the opportunity to uh explore different relationships.

28:28 You know what I'm saying?

28:28 We cracking jokes, laughing and stuff.

28:31 But um that that was a dope time for real.

28:34 Um shoot we need to do it again.

28:36 He need to do it with the whole family for real.

28:38 Yeah, nah nah.

28:39 Speaking of the whole family man like listen man that show

28:41 man we grew up watching you guys grow up man

28:43 and it's like it's beautiful to see and like I remember

28:45 like baby may maybe Major was like always a star growing up,

28:49 you know what I'm saying?

28:50 Like he was just always getting into something.

28:52 Now now on TikTok it's like he 18 now.

28:54 Grown man, bro.

28:55 How is Major doing?

28:56 I feel like he's like one where he's

28:58 not really out in public like that like y'all.

28:59 Like how is Major doing?

29:00 Like what what he got cooking up at 18, man?

29:02 Yeah, he always been that way, too.

29:04 Like he even filming the show like we had to chase Major down, put on the mic.

29:10 And then one time they was lit cuz they was listening to see

29:13 where the kids at in the house based on uh where the mic at.

29:17 They said, "Damn, sounds like some running water wherever Major at." Yeah.

29:20 Major put his mic in the toilet.

29:22 He put his mic in the toilet, flushed it.

29:24 He said, "I ain't filming no more." But no

29:27 But we when we film we always have a good time.

29:30 Yeah.

29:30 But um he's always chose to like not be in the light.

29:35 But that's him.

29:37 But right now he's actually doing plays.

29:39 He's he's doing plays at his school and um he's he's acting in the theaters.

29:44 That's what he loves to do and he's great at it.

29:47 Yeah.

29:47 But man, yeah, he stays to himself.

29:50 He he loves that though.

29:51 He he loves like choose the the choice that he has to not be in the light.

29:56 Cuz like you said, man,

29:57 he's Baby Major and to the world's eyes like he is the star

30:01 and it's like people he he know how how loved he is to the world.

30:05 But he also like he loves his peace, you know?

30:08 Nah, nah, it's hard.

30:09 Nah, I love that answer, man.

30:10 I love that answer.

30:11 What I also appreciate about the interview

30:12 with your dad is where he shared the story.

30:14 It was like you 18 and you decided you was going to move out.

30:17 And he wasn't going to give you no money.

30:19 And at the time they were still doing the reality show.

30:21 And yo, they offered you like a six-figure deal.

30:24 They was like, "All right, bro, you don't even got to be in every episode.

30:26 You could just pop in, pop out how you

30:28 please." And he was like you was like, "Nah,

30:30 I don't want to do that no more." He was like,

30:32 "I want I want to be respected for my artistry.

30:34 I don't want people to see me as a reality

30:35 TV star anymore." And he was like uh he's like,

30:38 "You know what what caused you to have the delusion?" I thought that's

30:41 a good word cuz when it comes to our career and what we do,

30:43 you really have to be delusional about this You have to believe,

30:47 yo, whether it's plan A, B, or C, it's me every outcome.

30:51 You know what I mean?

30:52 You really got to believe that.

30:53 So, I just I'm curious to mindset at 18

30:55 where it's like you're turning down a six-figure bag, you know what I mean?

30:58 To go pursue what you did.

31:00 You still on business cuz here you are now dropping a new project,

31:02 you're going on tour, sold-out tours.

31:04 Just speak to the mindset.

31:06 Yeah, man.

31:08 Like I said, delusion cuz any any sane person,

31:13 for real for real, would say I'm going to do both.

31:15 Just like he said, he said, "I'm going to get the bag and I'm still going

31:17 to do me at the same time." I just said,

31:20 "Nah." Something told me, bro, I It's my time is up with this.

31:23 Like I don't need to do this no more.

31:24 And if I do do it, it's going to work against what I really

31:27 want to do." And me feeling that, knowing that, it wasn't a hard decision.

31:32 Like I know I'm going to be okay.

31:33 I'm going to work out.

31:34 I know my love for for music is going is going

31:38 to take me wherever I need to go want to go in life.

31:41 So, it wasn't a hard decision.

31:44 But a sane person, from looking from the outside in, would say, "Yeah, man,

31:48 I'm going to take the money and I'm going to do this on the side as well." So,

31:52 yeah, it was it was delusion, for sure.

31:54 Yeah, nah, nah, man.

31:55 Determination, delusion, all the D words.

31:58 [laughter] But you're doing it though, man.

31:59 You're doing it.

31:59 And you know what I'm saying?

32:00 To come to you, I think that's a good segue, bro, like,

32:02 you know, a year ago, you were still driving trucks and doing this part-time.

32:06 It was like, you know,

32:06 you got your stability and the podcasting was a passion project.

32:10 You took a leap of faith, rolled the dice, and was like, "Nah,

32:12 like I'm quitting the job and I'm going

32:14 all in on this, bro." And this past year,

32:16 bro, you you have one of the biggest podcasts out.

32:18 You know what I mean?

32:19 Like this is one of the biggest podcasts out.

32:21 Whether you're white, black, Chinese, it don't matter.

32:23 Like, yo, Rickey Smiley is one of the ones.

32:26 Yeah.

32:26 Sold out.

32:27 Sold out.

32:27 Sold out.

32:28 Sold out tours, [laughter] by the way.

32:29 You know what I'm saying?

32:30 You know what I'm Nah, really sold out, bro.

32:34 [laughter] Nah, man.

32:35 money been on the show.

32:35 His dad pops been on the show.

32:38 Um I would say this, too, what's real uh is that how y'all

32:43 embrace people when y'all really rock with them.

32:45 Like, I never felt uneasy when I come around.

32:48 You know, it's like you know, I grew up listening to this man.

32:51 One of my favorite albums just made 20 years today,

32:53 like like this past week, King album.

32:56 So, naturally, I'm ner- I got nerves,

32:59 but it was like shut down immediately, like, "Nah, bro.

33:01 Like, you over here for a reason.

33:03 You know what I'm saying?

33:04 You you welcome in here." So, you going to kill all that.

33:07 And then the whole family's like that.

33:08 So, that's been a beautiful thing for me, bro.

33:11 Especially like transitioning,

33:13 I come from blue-collar work to like media full-time,

33:17 like owning a media company,

33:18 operating a media company independently, doing my thing.

33:21 So, it's like been like a 180 for me.

33:24 But, um you know, I had a plan, bro.

33:27 I had a I was like, "I this number, I'mma hit this number,

33:31 and then I'mma transition out the job, and I'mma do it,

33:33 and it's going to be smooth,

33:34 and it's going to be and that ain't just how that just not how it work.

33:37 Like, life just forced my hand,

33:39 where it was like I was at this gig, and um of course,

33:43 like, shout-out to all my patrons, subscribers,

33:45 all my folks out there, you know what I'm saying?

33:47 Hold me down.

33:48 But, I was like, "Okay, this is a monthly income that it can come in like a job,

33:54 and I can make it bi-weekly, so I can formulate I'm I'm I'm still

33:57 trying to implement these structures I'm used to.

34:00 And the gig I was at, it was like we had six truck drivers.

34:04 I'm one of six.

34:05 Everything runs smooth with six.

34:06 One dude got fired.

34:09 One dude quit.

34:11 Another dude put in his 2 weeks.

34:12 This all happened in the course of 3 weeks.

34:15 Wow.

34:15 And so, I'm like 2 months away from like I like scaling-wise,

34:19 I'm like, "I'm 2 months away from being able to quit this job.

34:22 I'm not comfortable if I walk away right now." And they was like,

34:27 "Yeah, man, you know, it's going to it's going to be summertime,

34:31 you know, business going to kick back up.

34:32 We down to three drivers.

34:34 We really going to depend on you.

34:35 It's going to be some long days.

34:37 And I had to make a decision about whether I'm going to go do

34:40 what I want to do or I'm going to dedicate my time to this job,

34:44 which if I leave, they can replace me.

34:46 But if I don't leave, I don't know what my future going to play out.

34:50 So I had to take that leap like, okay,

34:51 I'm not comfortable, but I don't want to be working long days.

34:55 Like I want to do this.

34:56 So like I was like, it.

34:58 I was like, look, y'all not going to depend on me.

35:01 Y'all going to depend on somebody else cuz I quit.

35:04 Yeah, no 2 weeks, no nothing.

35:05 And I felt bad because this go against all

35:07 my like uh bringing like always leave a job,

35:10 don't burn a bridge, woo woo woo.

35:11 But I'm like, y'all burning my bridge with myself.

35:14 Depending on me, I'm going to work from 6:00 a.m.

35:16 to 7:00 p.m.

35:17 every day.

35:18 I ain't going to want to do no podcast no more.

35:20 And every job will replace you two 2 minutes before after you done it.

35:24 And that's it.

35:24 It ain't going to be no 2 weeks.

35:25 It's going to be 2 minutes.

35:26 Get the out of here.

35:27 So You'll have somebody in your desk and in your seat at your driver's seat.

35:31 I jump when I jumped out the window, I'll be telling folks like,

35:35 I ain't even build a parachute on the way down, bro.

35:37 I just started flying.

35:38 I ain't even know I could fly.

35:39 Jumped out the like, oh I got wings, It's lit.

35:43 And it's been it's been up ever since.

35:45 But it also just let me dedicate my full time to it,

35:49 which allows you to enhance the quality of the product,

35:53 be a lot more efficient and hands-on with the thing,

35:56 even doing live shows and getting out and touching

35:58 people and doing meet and greets and like

36:00 really taking these numbers that you see online

36:03 and analytics and actually putting faces to them.

36:05 It's like that changed the whole experience for me.

36:09 Like we on tour right now.

36:11 It's like I feel so at home on stage.

36:13 It's just like, man, bro, I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

36:17 It's one of It's beautiful, bro.

36:18 I would think like there is some delusion in there, but I don't even know.

36:22 Like bro, I just I believed it even before I seen it.

36:25 I believed it.

36:26 You know what I'm saying?

36:27 So when other people When other people didn't understand what was going on like

36:32 Yeah.

36:32 You know, like even with this turning down the money it's like bro,

36:34 I've done turned down so much money Yep.

36:36 on my to stand on my morals.

36:38 It's like but it's me.

36:40 I don't work you know, I think it's the most important thing is that you know,

36:45 I could tell my kids I got it honest bro.

36:47 I don't talk to myself more than I don't talk to anybody else bro.

36:50 You see what I'm saying?

36:51 Like it's been times where I was homeless in a real way.

36:54 Yeah.

36:55 Like I it was I was it was this apartment

36:58 complex I knew I could get in a pool house.

37:01 So, I'd go in a pool house and then

37:02 I'd just go like they got dressing rooms in there.

37:04 I'd go in there lock the door.

37:06 I'd just go in there sleep.

37:07 Like sometimes I'd bring like one of the pool chairs in there

37:10 like one of them patio joints that lay out just sleep on it.

37:13 And it's like bro, and I used to tell myself like man, I'm 19 years old bro.

37:17 I should not be homeless.

37:18 But I made the decision to be here.

37:21 Like I I didn't want to hear what my mom was talking about at the house.

37:24 So, it's like she's like well, you can't do this in my house.

37:26 I was like I guess I'm not going to be here then.

37:28 You know, what I'm saying?

37:28 This is a decision I'm making.

37:30 And so I was like bro, this is just part of my story bro.

37:32 I'm not going to be homeless forever.

37:34 This is just part of my story.

37:35 And it's like that's the only way I could sleep.

37:37 Cuz other than that I'm just like depressed.

37:40 You know, what I'm saying?

37:40 And a lot of people that I know are depressed and be homeless they rely

37:44 on drugs to put them to sleep or or alcohol to put them to sleep.

37:47 It was just like bro, I'm not going to be here forever.

37:49 Like I know I'm not bro.

37:51 It's just a part of the story bro.

37:53 And it's like man, one day I'll be able to look

37:55 back on this like Like look look look where I came from.

37:58 Yeah.

37:58 You know, what I'm saying?

37:59 But now I can actually do that.

38:01 Yeah, right now.

38:01 Which is crazy.

38:02 You know, what I'm saying?

38:03 I want to circle back because I remember in the iconic scene of Diary

38:06 of a Mad Black Woman where you're singing it's about to skin you hear me.

38:09 And I saw an interview where it's like yo,

38:11 you like that's first of all that's a classic moment in like cinema history.

38:14 Like I think everybody can remember where they were at when they first saw

38:17 that film but specifically that scene is probably

38:19 the most memorable scene from that movie, right?

38:22 And it's like "Yo, you were you were

38:23 really like singing to your father right there." Yeah.

38:25 Cuz you know, you cuz he he wasn't there.

38:27 Can you just speak straight to that moment?

38:29 Well, you know, first of all,

38:30 it's funny because I was doing the Tyler Perry plays at the time.

38:32 I wasn't even sure I did the demo for another

38:34 singer that was supposed to do the do the thing

38:36 and I was just on set while they were

38:38 doing it and whatever happened didn't work out, you know,

38:40 with them and he and and Tyler came to me and was like,

38:42 "Look, I had long cornrows at the time." He said,

38:45 "Look, you going to have to play this pastor role that can you do it?" Yeah.

38:48 And it was like 5 minutes before the whole thing happened and I was like,

38:51 "I don't want to cut my hair.

38:52 I don't want to I don't think this is going to work out for me." And you know,

38:54 the movie became number one, the song became number one and it it changed

38:57 the whole course of everything that I dealt with, you know,

39:00 thank God that I I went along with it.

39:02 But it was it was bigger than anything that I I thought.

39:05 Not just to say, "Oh,

39:06 I was in this movie." But it it it changed how I thought about myself, you know,

39:10 the the the it changed the it it was the the the opening point of, "Damn,

39:16 I I really did leave and what I I said

39:19 I wanted from God really starting to happen." You know, I really started to see,

39:24 "I left these people that were doing absolutely nothing, a crazy situation,

39:28 my mom being molested, me being all of this and walked out the door and said,

39:32 'I'm getting ready to go out and be on TV and go

39:34 out and be an entertainer.'" And it really is starting to Like,

39:37 you don't understand that that situation.

39:39 It you know, it was a different situation than than you had where I didn't have,

39:44 you know, there was nothing there positive.

39:47 Nothing positive.

39:48 So, to walk out and see the positivity in just

39:51 what it was that I walked out and did, that's what that was to me.

39:55 You know, that's what Father, Can You Hear Me?

39:56 was to me.

39:57 And it was me really singing to uh you know,

40:01 God saying, "You know, I know you hear me." Yeah.

40:04 You know, I know I I I know you hear me and at that point,

40:07 I think I was maybe 20 years old at the time and I had thought to myself,

40:12 "There is nothing I can't do.

40:14 There's nothing I can't Man, after sleeping Excuse me.

40:19 No, no, you good.

40:20 Man, Yeah.

40:21 to hear the stories that you know that that that other other people deal

40:24 with is it it it it reminds you of what you you dealt with yourself.

40:29 So, to hear that and then to hear how you think now and to hear how,

40:32 you know, we we we able to share here, man, it it is just a blessing to me,

40:35 but but to to say I can walk out and I could do

40:40 this, so the hell with the fact that I had to sleep in the shed.

40:44 Yeah.

40:45 You know, when you when you come out of that shed,

40:49 you come out of that shed with the the thought of Oh,

40:52 wait, that was the first night.

40:53 That was the second night.

40:55 I can walk across this Earth.

40:57 Ain't nothing I can't handle now.

40:59 Yeah.

40:59 There's nothing I can't You can put me anywhere.

41:01 It ain't about just the glitz and glam and the shiny ass suit.

41:05 It's like this is where I am today, but if all of this left me tomorrow,

41:09 I can walk out of here and be like, "Okay,

41:10 I'm going to build this up and give me 1 week.

41:12 Give me 2 weeks." Yeah.

41:13 Because there's nothing that I can't handle because of what, you know,

41:16 that I know that you have dealt with as well, you know?

41:18 And it's just different than what you dealt with.

41:21 It ain't better and it ain't worse cuz there's no scales of pain.

41:24 We always deal with what we deal with where we are,

41:27 and it's just as important no matter what life you in.

41:30 Nah, man, I love that.

41:31 We three different generations on this couch

41:32 like three different generations of men, bro.

41:34 Yes.

41:35 Then our brothers no matter what life experience was, Yeah.

41:38 it all led us being right here, bro.

41:40 Yes.

41:40 This is real thing.

41:41 But the man I want to come to you, too, bro, and what you doing with the music,

41:44 bro, like, you know, again, you know, it's it's a different time we living in.

41:47 Hip hop has changed a lot,

41:48 and we're seeing a lot of theatrics in hip hop right now.

41:51 A lot of acts.

41:52 So, for you to come humble, well-spoken, well-mannered,

41:56 um you don't got to be the loudest person in the room.

41:58 Most rappers coming in, they're the loudest person in the room.

42:00 They got the same bling.

42:02 It's like, "Bro, you you worth a million dollars, bro.

42:03 You coming in here super chill, bro,

42:05 and will rap your ass off with the best of them." I think, you know,

42:09 it's good for the younger generation right now to see

42:11 that cuz we're not seeing that right now in hip-hop,

42:13 especially with a lot of the new the new artists that are coming in, right?

42:15 It's a lot of theatrics with it, man.

42:17 So, for you and what you represent for the community,

42:19 my son could look up to you and be like, "Oh, all right.

42:22 He He's rapping.

42:23 He's going He's taking care of his kids.

42:24 He's doing this." Cuz there's there's a stereotype

42:26 with hip-hop that's not what you what you're portraying.

42:30 Um just speak to like was that always the mindset when

42:32 you wanted to kind of carve your own lane in this industry?

42:35 100%.

42:36 It always Maybe I wasn't thinking about it like to that extent

42:39 like seeing it like that, but I always just ask questions and just

42:43 ask myself questions and and what you're saying like not the loudest

42:48 one in the room or not not a bunch of jewelry, not flashy.

42:51 Like I I was looking at my father and he he just has that loud personality.

42:57 That's just him.

42:58 That's not a rapper gimmick.

42:59 That's That's just him.

43:01 like that.

43:01 Yeah, he really I see you Rollie Pollie.

43:03 He really like that real life.

43:04 Off the Off the record, yeah.

43:06 Yeah, but so I grew up seeing that and seeing all the expensive clothes,

43:10 the jewelry, the watches, the chains.

43:13 And I'm like I had to ask myself certain

43:15 questions like do I feel weird not having that?

43:19 Or do I me wanting to be a artist, do I picture it looking like that?

43:24 Why?

43:25 Okay, I figured that out.

43:26 So, now I'm like will I make other kids feel the same way?

43:30 So, now I'm like I don't want to do that.

43:33 I don't want to do that cuz I seen that's not that's not what it actually is.

43:38 Yeah.

43:38 It's not um What I mean by that is like I'm saying that's not what it's about.

43:42 Yeah.

43:43 It's about the message you putting out,

43:44 the impact you got on the community, the world.

43:47 And I and I learned that from him, but I me thinking about it made me realize,

43:52 you know what I mean, other kids was going to think about it.

43:55 So, that it wasn't a hard decision for real for real.

43:58 And that's dope at 25 you even got that mindset to think about that, right?

44:01 Like when you think about it, y'all,

44:02 the reason I wanted to have Gucci and this and that, bro, cuz I seen Hov.

44:05 I seen Hov and and whoever else y'all y'all they they had it on on the yacht.

44:09 I'm like, "Yo, I need that Gucci.

44:10 I want the yacht." Cuz we we the people that we're idolizing had that.

44:13 So, it's going to be a younger generation who

44:15 already my cu- my my little cousins love you, bro.

44:17 Like, you know what I'm saying?

44:18 Like, they they tripping out right now that she watched the show.

44:20 So, like, you it's a younger generation that's

44:22 going to grow up on you and they're

44:23 going to have the minds that you have cuz you were who they idolized, bro.

44:26 So, like, when you a lot of times we're not thinking about that.

44:28 You know what I'm saying?

44:29 It's like, you know, if you're artist,

44:30 you're a rapper, you you're doing these things like,

44:32 bro, it's a million people about to they'll crash out about you, bro.

44:35 And they going to follow whatever you do.

44:37 You know what I'm saying?

44:37 A lot of times we're not taking

44:38 that into consideration with how we walk in public, man.

44:41 So, I think I think it's commendable what you do, man.

44:43 And the relationship you got with your pops is amazing, man.

44:45 But also I want to touch on I saw the interview and you know with the industry

44:49 that we're working in, a lot of times

44:50 we have to spend away from our children, right?

44:52 And I think that's been something for me

44:53 that I have that I battle with a lot is,

44:55 you know, me and my son's mom, we have a great co-parenting relationship.

44:58 We switch every week.

44:59 So, I get one week, she gets one week.

45:00 We have a great schedule.

45:02 Um but I'd be lying if I say like I still I always wish I was kind of with him,

45:05 having him around, especially your boy.

45:07 You know what I'm saying?

45:08 But as a man, we got to we got to leave and provide.

45:10 Like, that's the heavy is the head that wears the crown.

45:12 How are you navigating that as a new father, you know, pursuing your career,

45:15 you're having this amazing run right now,

45:17 but still making sure you're taking care of home with your little one?

45:20 Yeah, I mean, I hate having to leave the house.

45:22 100 I hate having to leave the house and then my my daughter,

45:25 she's at the age where it's like she know that I'm about to leave.

45:29 Like, okay, he didn't took it he came home from the gym and took a shower.

45:32 He didn't ate some food.

45:33 He know we know he about to leave.

45:35 And now she's like she's starting to say,

45:38 "No." And she's starting to realize she she like

45:41 asking for help cuz she know I'mma come help instead

45:44 of instead of having to leave or get on the phone

45:46 or take a she she know how to do it.

45:48 Yeah.

45:49 She like, "Help.

45:50 Help." Cuz she just want me to come help and just be there.

45:52 So, I'm starting to realize that she's trying to keep me there.

45:56 And so, I I hate having to leave,

45:57 but I'm understanding and I'm I'm every day I'm

46:01 understanding that they going to know when they get older.

46:04 Like my my kids they going they going to know.

46:07 And cuz they going to get in their own relationships and they going to have

46:10 their own kids and they going to see that this is what we got to do.

46:14 Like dad or however I don't know how how people

46:18 like to do it but dad got to leave to provide.

46:21 And it's just like that.

46:23 So instead of me thinking about it negative man like I said

46:27 at the beginning I just try to be present when I'm there.

46:30 Yeah.

46:31 Like I'm I'm more I'm more zoned in on being present more than anything.

46:36 Yeah.

46:36 And it taught me to cherish them moments and and it also taught

46:40 me not to play around when I'm when I'm supposed to be working.

46:43 Like a lot of people could just [sighs and gasps]

46:46 I'm outside the house let me have a good

46:47 time while I'm look like I'm supposed to be working.

46:50 But nah the quicker I could complete these missions that I

46:53 got in front of me reach these goals the more

46:55 time I could spend in the house the sooner we could

46:58 maybe maybe I won't have to leave the house as much.

47:00 But yeah all that stuff man and it taught me to to love

47:05 my child and just my family in general while I'm there.

47:08 Yeah.

47:08 Cuz I'm gone so much.

47:10 Damn.

47:10 Nah I love that answer man that's a great answer man.

47:12 I do want to circle back on your mom I want

47:14 to give you congratulations man I know after the beast she's cancer

47:16 free I know she was dealing with that man so just

47:18 want to say man we're praying for the family bro and that's [clears throat]

47:21 that's a beautiful my mom has dealt with breast cancer twice and beat

47:23 it through man so just happy to see that bro and everything.

47:26 Yeah and now everything that you represent.

47:27 Deontay I know you spoken out about how like now your your kids like

47:31 what he's old enough he know where it's like all right I know daddy gone

47:35 but he working and see he even got your back where he's telling your little

47:37 one like don't you like this Hello Kitty like let's get ready for the podcast.

47:41 So just just sharing now you're in this new area of your life

47:43 and your career and how you showing up for your loved one and your kids.

47:46 I think it's it's beautiful that how things come full circle.

47:51 When I was over the road trucking Mhm.

47:54 they had already had this concept that I had to leave to provide.

47:57 Yeah.

47:57 So, it's a different thing now.

48:00 I I used to be so depressed having to leave them, bro,

48:04 because it's like, "Damn, yo, like but I know what it's worth.

48:07 I always think about the bigger picture." And we

48:10 would FaceTime and we'd talk all the time.

48:12 Like, they was old enough to have phones and things like that.

48:14 My baby wasn't, but my two oldest boys, they was.

48:17 So, it was like, you know, one after a while, you know, with kids,

48:20 once you check in a few times, they're like, "Bro, I'm playing a game.

48:23 I'm chilling.

48:24 Yeah.

48:24 I know you good.

48:25 I'm good.

48:26 I'll let you in a minute." Yeah.

48:27 And it's like, they got their friend circles and stuff.

48:29 But like, even now that they're older, it'd be cool.

48:31 Like, my son, he'll come to the studio with me.

48:33 Um you know, my daughter My daughter done been

48:36 to a couple different shows with me and so forth.

48:37 They actually coming to my show tonight.

48:39 Um so, it's like finding ways to get them involved

48:42 or at least make sure that they can be there.

48:44 Yeah.

48:44 But then also, it's a different thing

48:45 now where they understand how visible I am.

48:48 Like, their teachers know me and like that.

48:50 So, it'd be cool.

48:52 They're excited that like to them, it's like,

48:55 "Man, my pops is living his dream." Yeah.

48:57 "That mean I can live my dream." Mhm.

49:00 And like, um and I'd be telling them all the time like,

49:02 "You can do whatever you want.

49:04 And if I can assist you in that, I will.

49:07 You know what I mean?

49:07 Like, I'm I'm all for some nepotism, bro.

49:10 But like, you got to be good at what you do.

49:12 You know what I mean?

49:12 But I think [clears throat] another thing is is that they know when I leave,

49:16 I'm going to do something I love.

49:18 Yeah.

49:18 And I'm coming right back.

49:19 Yeah.

49:20 I'm not mandated to be out 3 weeks.

49:22 I'm going to go 2 3 days, knock this out.

49:24 I'm coming right back.

49:25 We're going to go skating.

49:26 Yeah.

49:27 You know, I [laughter] I get to cook again.

49:28 You know what I'm saying?

49:29 Like, that was another thing like, cooking is such a like That's therapeutic,

49:33 but it's also like such a familiar practice just to sit

49:35 around the table and eat together and things like that.

49:38 I get to do that a lot more.

49:39 So, it's like the it's a necessary part of it.

49:43 Like, you know, especially in entertainment, you know, y'all you know,

49:47 even without you having kids, it's it's your own home, having to leave it.

49:51 Just the place where you're are the most comfortable,

49:53 not sleeping in your own bed, not showering in your own shower.

49:55 Those are just things that we do as a sacrifice for the things we love.

49:59 Like we do what we love and we do it for the people we love.

50:02 So it's like a whole different thing, you know what I mean?

50:05 But I I'm grateful as hell, you know what I mean?

50:07 Yeah, no, no.

50:08 And you made a good point.

50:09 Like spending the time with your child with intention, you know what I mean?

50:12 Not sitting there being on the phone when your little one right beside you.

50:15 It's like, "Yo, that's not actually spending time." You there,

50:18 but you ain't there, you know what I'm saying?

50:19 You know what I'm saying?

50:20 You ever see somebody be like, "Yeah, my pops was there, but he won't there.

50:22 He was always on the phone, doing this." You not really mentally checked in.

50:26 Kids can notice the difference.

50:27 So I think it's doing it with intention, man.

50:29 And you know, Terrence, the amazing year that you're having,

50:32 I know you got You said you got like 10 nieces and nephews, man.

50:34 I know it's been amazing for your family

50:35 and friends to see you having this amazing one.

50:38 You already had an amazing career,

50:40 but now you having this conglomerate moment, dog.

50:42 Like you know what one of the biggest

50:44 shows on television right now with this character, man.

50:46 Just share like what the what the conversations with your loved ones have been.

50:50 Oh, man, you know, it's like I I just didn't I got when I got I

50:54 I I did a show Empire before I did this and I thought that that was like,

50:57 you know, I was like, "I'm on Empire, you know,

50:58 this is it." But they were already in the third season and everything.

51:01 There has never been a show that I've done that's been, you know,

51:04 and working with Tyler Perry has always been that number one-ish stuff,

51:07 but it was always more like, you know,

51:09 the things that he's done or you still were in a different way.

51:12 But to play a character on Netflix that was that that they're

51:15 just pumping out like this and it's been number one,

51:18 you know, on Netflix, but then it was number one in the world.

51:20 You know, the show was to watch it in other languages and other things.

51:23 So that to talk about it, you know, people you know,

51:27 I've never like I said, I've never been called Barney.

51:29 I've never been called the character name, you know, outside of my name.

51:32 But you know, it's amazing, man.

51:34 It's again that that full circle moment of me being of sleeping in the shed.

51:39 I'm saying, "Wow, I walked out of you Are you sleeping

51:42 in a shed and you on tour doing this?" So I'm I'm, you know, at that point.

51:45 And so to be able to say is I honestly,

51:47 there's a lot of of conversation that's that's unsaid because it's kind of like,

51:52 you know, a lot of, you know, even back with my family,

51:54 I don't really have many many many many family members.

51:57 But when I left, it was a lot of them telling me not to go.

52:00 You know, so, to be able to do this and to be able to be here,

52:03 there's really a lot There's nothing else to say.

52:05 Yeah.

52:06 You know, so, you know, it's more with the people and and and loving the people

52:09 that have loved me and supported me throughout the years.

52:12 You know, and my mom, you know,

52:13 all all of my my my my immediate family members are deceased.

52:16 So, it's kind of me just kind of enjoying

52:18 that that the presence of all of that, you know.

52:20 Nah, nah, nah.

52:21 We've had Julian on the show.

52:23 Uh you know, he's talked about his role as Roy on the show,

52:25 you know what I mean?

52:25 It's like, what you guys have been able to build in the community,

52:27 man, it's it's amazing to see, man.

52:29 That show That show is one of the ones, man.

52:31 It's going crazy, man.

52:32 I appreciate that.

52:32 I know we're at time, so I'll just kind of quickly go around the room.

52:35 Just share one thing that you're doing moving forward just to help,

52:40 you know, the younger generation to help heal unheal that traumas.

52:43 Uh you know, me, it's just telling the story that I I like I said,

52:46 I I I hit I told my I wrote my book.

52:48 I brought copies for all y'all that I love

52:51 I love to share with y'all my book Problems Child.

52:53 Need that.

52:53 Need that, brother.

52:55 With the fellas and everybody.

52:56 I got I have one for you as well.

52:57 Come on now.

52:57 I appreciate that, my boy.

52:58 Absolutely.

52:59 Yes.

52:59 So, you know, sharing my story and telling the story of what I went through,

53:05 which which which opens the door for everybody

53:07 to deal with what they're going through,

53:08 you know, wherever you are in life, whatever your family situation is.

53:11 It's to not keep that a secret and to realizing that nobody has walked

53:15 the path that I've walked and to show a younger generation that, you know,

53:19 I can Yeah, people can give you advice.

53:20 Yeah, people can say, you know, what what they've been through.

53:24 But every your your your your your walk is delusional.

53:27 It needs to be delusional and your walk is your walk.

53:30 And to be an example,

53:31 not because I I want to leave this wonderful legacy of Terrence Carter.

53:35 You know, I don't even think that that is that important.

53:38 I don't think my name has to be that that important.

53:40 A hundred years, they may or may not even talk about any of us sitting here.

53:43 However, you know, I'd love to be somebody who's just enough light

53:47 to open a door for generations that that that are talking about me.

53:50 And if they are talking about me later on, to say, you know, wow,

53:54 I can now walk through and do this because I

53:56 saw this guy who came from this and ended up here.

54:01 Mhm.

54:01 Nah, nah, nah, I love that.

54:02 Deion, so I come to you.

54:03 Um I think more than anything it's just

54:08 it's cool to be intelligent and informed and smart

54:11 and it's also [clears throat] it's also kind

54:15 of cool not to be understood all the time.

54:17 As long as you understand yourself.

54:19 I think more than anything is to open up

54:22 people to challenging things that are being presented to them,

54:26 examining things, researching things,

54:28 breaking things down into the root of things and figure out root causes.

54:32 I'm really big on cause and effect, so I want to know like where things started.

54:36 Um and I think that the young dudes that come after me it's like yeah,

54:41 man, you know, I don't I don't been to jail, I don't sold the drugs,

54:44 I don't did all the street but I

54:46 I still landed here where I'm advocating for trades,

54:49 I'm advocating for people to find the things that they good at.

54:52 You could skip all the and just go straight to the trade,

54:54 go straight to the thing that is good at that you

54:56 good at and like find the things that you passionate about.

54:59 Yeah.

54:59 I would have been having these conversations whether I had a podcast or not.

55:02 Yeah.

55:02 I'd have been interested in these things either way.

55:05 And I think with my the thing with my kids

55:06 is that there's just an understanding that one,

55:10 I want to understand what role I'm playing in their behavior.

55:12 Yeah.

55:13 You know what I mean?

55:13 I think when kids are acting out or whatever,

55:15 they being defiant, you play a role in that as a parent.

55:18 I also just give myself grace as a parent

55:20 that like I'm going to get some things wrong.

55:22 You know what I'm saying?

55:23 But I need to be able to account for those things

55:26 and not look back with rose colored glasses like,

55:28 no, I ain't never did no like that.

55:29 Like, you did.

55:31 And it's okay.

55:33 [laughter] You was imperfect as a parent, but they,

55:34 you know, you imperfect as a human, too.

55:35 And it's like, you know,

55:36 as long as your kids can mature to the place where they can

55:39 have those conversations with you about where they felt like you fell short.

55:43 Like me and my wife do this thing

55:44 where we do like monthly check-ins with them like,

55:47 "What would you grade me as a parent this month?" I don't got a few F's.

55:50 Really?

55:50 Wow.

55:51 I don't got an F before.

55:52 Wow.

55:53 And it's like, I got an F cuz you was messing up, though.

55:56 You You was messing up in school.

55:58 You can't use a computer.

56:00 I get the L.

56:00 Okay, that's fine.

56:01 You know what I'm saying?

56:02 But I also examine those things.

56:04 It's like, what could I have done better in that situation?

56:06 Was I too short-tempered?

56:08 Did I not give him or her enough time

56:10 to explain themselves and what they was going through?

56:12 You know, you play a role, so you just want to It's just about improving.

56:15 You know what I mean?

56:15 And I think for the people that come behind me,

56:17 it's like Yeah, man, anything is possible.

56:20 Like when you start when you turn that belief into yourself,

56:23 when you start believing in yourself, you start loving yourself in a real way,

56:26 um then you find out what self really wants, and then you just go for that.

56:31 Yeah.

56:31 No, man, I love that answer, man.

56:33 I love that answer.

56:33 Same.

56:34 I love What I What I was going to say was asking questions.

56:37 I'm an advocate of asking questions,

56:40 and I feel like it it it helps uh me personally,

56:43 but I feel like it would help anyone like [gasps] [sighs]

56:47 realize I mean, perspective.

56:48 Realize uh does this really affect me?

56:51 And I like the um the F situation.

56:54 Really, that F is not a a literal F,

56:56 but that led you to asking yourself them questions.

56:59 Yeah.

56:59 Um and and whether you do therapy or not or whatever,

57:03 I feel like if we ask ourselves enough honest questions,

57:07 we could we could get to the root of the problem.

57:10 You know what I'm saying?

57:10 If we willing to be honest.

57:12 And um I like uh my father was the same way.

57:17 He would sit and explain.

57:19 I probably only got like two whoopings from him because I didn't really need it.

57:22 The fact of him saying he was disappointed and we seeing that, that was enough.

57:26 But the the two whoopings that I got, he would sit and have a like a hour,

57:32 hour and a half discussion,

57:33 make sure we know what we did and why it wasn't right.

57:38 And um he would make sure that we understood that.

57:41 And but but then he would say he'll tell us how

57:44 many how many times he going to he going to hit us.

57:46 Like, all right, give me give me 10.

57:48 But it's like it's not nothing crazy.

57:50 We could see that he really don't want to do this.

57:52 Yeah.

57:52 And that's what hurt the most.

57:54 That's what hurt us the most.

57:55 Like, damn, pops don't even want to do this.

57:56 Pops cool.

57:57 Yeah.

57:58 But um I think it's important to to understand what's going on.

58:03 And I feel like we get a lot of understanding from asking questions.

58:06 Yeah.

58:06 So I would I think that's that's my answer.

58:08 Nah, nah, I love that.

58:09 Also love too like, you know, it's T.I.

58:11 too.

58:11 That's the king, you know what I mean?

58:12 Like he's showing you know what I'm saying outside

58:14 he with somebody else he giving a whole different energy,

58:17 but at home it's like he got that patience and that grace.

58:19 I just think that's that's a dope fun fact to know about your pops,

58:22 you know what I mean?

58:22 So nah, man, man, this is dope, man.

58:24 I I appreciate you guys being here, man.

58:26 This is what For the Fellas is about, man.

58:27 It's bringing black men together just to have real dialogue,

58:30 man, and conversations, man.

58:31 I think a lot of people watching

58:32 this that follow you guys will appreciate this dialogue.

58:35 And it's going to help somebody get through them days, man.

58:36 Absolutely.

58:37 That's the point of this, man.

58:38 It's just we really just trying to have conversations that somebody

58:40 can get insight and motivation to help get through their day, bro.

58:43 We seen that and what we seen with you guys,

58:45 the millions of fans that you guys have,

58:47 people love y'all and they follow y'all, man.

58:48 Appreciate you guys being here celebrating a special episode

58:51 for all our mothers out there, our black mothers.

58:53 Heavy on the black mothers, Mama Mac.

58:55 We love you.

58:55 All the mothers out there in the world, we love you guys.

58:57 We appreciate you guys and everything that you do for black men.

59:00 We would literally be nothing without you guys.

59:02 I think that's safe to say.

59:04 Absolutely.

59:04 Absolutely.

59:05 And to all the mothers out there Happy Mother's Day.

59:08 I'm Deionte Kyle.

59:09 I'm Demani.

59:10 I'm Terrell Carter and this is For the Fellas.

59:19 How you doing?

59:19 This is Terrell Carter and you are watching For the Fellas on BET.

59:24 Soldier.

59:28 [laughter] Bro season is easy.

59:30 That's the problem.

59:32 [laughter]