S13 E07: Iran, Viktor Orbán & National Parks Pass: 3/29/26: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

0:24 [music] [cheering]

0:28 Welcome.

0:28 Welcome.

0:30 Welcome to Last Week Tonight.

0:31 I'm John Oliver.

0:32 Thank you so much for joining us.

0:34 It has been a busy week.

0:36 There were no King's protests around the US and the world.

0:39 Whatever this was happened.

0:41 And the White House tweeted, "America will never give up the moon again."

0:45 which is definitely something I was worried about.

0:48 Meanwhile, the Iran war entered its second month.

0:50 Though Trump tries not to use the word war

0:52 for reasons he probably shouldn't be saying out loud.

0:56 I won't use the word war cuz they say if you use the word war,

0:58 that's maybe not a good thing to do.

1:01 They don't like the word war.

1:03 Cuz you're supposed to get approval.

1:05 So I'll use the word military operation, which is really what it is.

1:09 What?

1:09 He He really just talks like a 6-year-old

1:12 speaking stream of consciousness to a stranger.

1:15 And my mom says I'm not allowed to talk about

1:17 my penis with other people even though everybody has one.

1:20 Well, not her and not my sister, but my dad and I both have penises,

1:23 but I can't say that when there are too many people around even though

1:26 everyone knows cuz they have their own penises unless they don't, but I do.

1:31 [cheering] But look, whatever you call this conflict, it has been chaos.

1:33 Last Saturday, Trump threatened to attack Iran's power grid if the Strait

1:35 of Hormuz wasn't opened writing he'd be

1:37 starting with the biggest power plant first,

1:39 which would be a war crime if this was a war, but luckily, we now know it isn't.

1:46 Then on Monday, he said he'd delay those strikes

1:48 for 5 days after very good and productive conversations with Iran,

1:51 discussions they've denied took place.

1:53 He since extended the deadline until April 6th even as Iran's

1:56 continued to bomb US bases and allies across the region.

1:59 Almost 2,000 Iranians have been killed as well

2:01 as at least 13 US service members.

2:03 And Trump's reportedly weighing whether to move

2:05 an additional 10,000 troops to the region.

2:08 It sure feels like we're in an unnecessary war with no end game.

2:12 Though the president's supporters will insist that if you just

2:14 look at things in the right way, it all makes sense.

2:18 Here's why we went in to Iran.

2:21 Uh we had no choice.

2:24 Uh the president didn't start a war.

2:26 Uh he he he he he was trying to stop a war.

2:30 Oh, I get it.

2:31 Sometimes you have to start a war to stop a war.

2:36 The same way you have to spend money to make money or fake it till you make it.

2:39 You know, any of those things that people

2:41 say when they're in way over their heads.

2:44 And look, there'll clearly be more to say about Iran going forward,

2:47 but for now, we can dive straight in with our main story this week,

2:50 which concerns Hungary, a country with over a thousand years of rich history,

2:53 a proud culture, and absolutely no chance of you finding it on this map.

2:57 No chance whatsoever.

3:00 No shade to Hungary, by the way.

3:02 That is all on you.

3:04 Hungary's given a lot to the world from Bela Lugosi's

3:06 to the Rubik's Cube to of course the game Hungry Hungry Hippos.

3:10 Yeah, that that second Hungry has an A in it.

3:12 Always did.

3:14 Wild, huh?

3:15 It's also brought us one of the internet's greatest ever memes.

3:19 Andras, a retired electric engineer,

3:22 was asked to be a model for stock photos 10 years ago.

3:25 The internet discovered them and decided that his smile hides a deep sorrow.

3:30 He became hide the pain Harold.

3:32 A flurry of memes followed and Andras found

3:35 that his face was a laughingstock of the internet.

3:39 If I wanted to draw a lesson from what happened to me,

3:41 I would say life throws all kinds of challenges at you.

3:45 You have to take it as it comes, try out as many things as possible,

3:49 and who knows, you might even become a meme.

3:53 Okay, Harold, but uh I'm not sure you might

3:55 become a meme is quite as aspirational as you think.

3:59 Though to be fair, putting on a brave smile

4:01 despite inner regret is kind of this guy's whole thing.

4:05 He brings that hide the pain energy to all

4:07 his stock photos whether he's answering the phone,

4:10 whisking eggs, painting a wall,

4:12 reading a patient's X-ray, or riding an exercise bike.

4:15 Even when he is Santa and his face is covered by a hat and a beard,

4:19 Harold's eyes still manage to hide the pain.

4:22 Look at that and tell me that Santa didn't just

4:24 accidentally run over an elf and hastily hide the body.

4:27 Now, the reason I want to talk about

4:29 Hungary is it's set for elections on April 12th.

4:31 Voters there will choose a new National Assembly, their parliament,

4:34 which in turn will mean either a new prime

4:36 minister or the re-election of their current one, Viktor Orbán.

4:40 He's been in office since 2010 with an absolute majority

4:43 in Hungary's government for the entire 16 years of his tenure.

4:46 He's actually the longest-serving current head of government in the EU.

4:51 And if you want a quick taste of what kind of leader Orbán's been,

4:54 take this testimonial video that he posted featuring a real

4:57 who's who of people I've called on this show including Netanyahu,

5:02 Marine Le Pen, Javier Milei,

5:04 and a fourth person that I'll let you discover for yourself.

5:07 Security cannot be taken for granted.

5:10 It must be won.

5:11 And I think Viktor Orbán has all those qualities.

5:14 He has the tenacity, the courage, the wisdom to protect his country.

5:19 It is thanks to leaders like Viktor that the camp of patriots,

5:22 defenders of nations, and sovereign people is winning in Europe.

5:27 I fervently support Prime Minister Orbán and the Fidesz Party.

5:30 And I want to congratulate him and also to encourage all Hungarians

5:34 to continue to move forward to protect

5:37 your great culture and your amazing country.

5:40 Yeah, it's none other than Academy Award-watching actor Rob Schneider.

5:44 And that is a pretty weird cameo there.

5:47 It's like if the Avengers movie starred three Avengers and also Rob Schneider.

5:52 But it's not just those celebrities and also Rob Schneider.

5:55 Orbán has a close relationship with many conservatives in this country.

5:58 He's not only been invited to speak at CPAC.

6:01 CPAC itself has been holding a satellite conference

6:04 in Hungary for the past few years where numerous

6:06 US conservatives have shown up arguing that America

6:09 really should be taking a lesson from Orbán's work.

6:13 There are many conservative members of Congress who like me

6:16 want to see Hungary as a beacon in the West.

6:19 Hungary's immigration policies serve as a model to the United States.

6:23 One place where Hungary clearly has led Europe is in reasserting

6:26 its national identity specifically with regard to rejecting mass migration.

6:30 Little did I know I would walk into Budapest and and basically

6:35 see all the of the policies that we dream for in Arizona.

6:39 Okay, well, first, based on that blouse,

6:41 I don't think Kari Lake came from Arizona as much as from 1987,

6:45 but also, if you love Budapest so much,

6:48 please know that you can and should go live there.

6:52 The point is Republicans love Viktor Orbán.

6:55 He's even been officially endorsed in this upcoming

6:57 election by Trump who once praised him like this.

7:01 You know, I was very honored as a man, Viktor Orbán.

7:04 Did ever anyone ever hear of him?

7:05 He's probably like one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world.

7:09 And he uh he's the leader of All right.

7:13 He's the leader of Turkey.

7:15 No.

7:15 No.

7:16 No, he's uh close though.

7:18 You You all thinking of the right planet.

7:20 Though in Trump's defense, Hungary and Turkey are both in the same region,

7:24 both ruled by an authoritarian,

7:25 and both words that a caveman would say while ordering a sandwich.

7:28 So you can see why his brain went there.

7:31 And the lovefest between Orbán and American conservatives is a two-way street.

7:36 In fact, just last Saturday,

7:37 he spoke at the latest CPAC Hungary and outlined exactly

7:40 how he sees himself fitting in to a global conservative movement.

7:46 Since President Trump's win, the Western world has become a better place.

7:54 Gender propaganda and woke ideology have been pushed back.

7:57 People can proudly embrace Christianity as the foundation

8:01 and sustaining force of our civilization.

8:04 What's happening now is the largest political

8:07 realignment in Western civilization in a hundred years.

8:10 The epicenter of this change is the United

8:12 States and its European forward base is Hungary.

8:16 Wow, there is a lot there, but citing the West's largest political realignment

8:20 in a hundred years is pretty striking given,

8:23 you know, what started happening in Europe around a hundred years ago.

8:28 That's right, Winnie the Pooh was first published.

8:30 I don't know what you were thinking about, but you should know things in Hungary

8:35 aren't actually going great on Orbán's watch.

8:38 He's become one of the poorest countries in the EU.

8:40 So it's frankly no surprise that in recent years,

8:43 there've been plenty of protests against Orbán's government like this one.

8:51 dirty Fidesz What's up with the zebra?

8:54 What does the zebra symbolize?

8:57 Uh according to the rumors,

8:58 Orbán uh has an estate in the countryside where zebras were spotted.

9:03 The sign back there that's kind of the center

9:07 of this says Hungary is a dictatorship.

9:11 And then I'm being told O 1 G means Orbán is a sperm.

9:18 Orbán is a sperm.

9:19 Yeah.

9:20 Orbán is a sperm.

9:22 Which I assume isn't an insult and so it just

9:25 means that he tastes slightly better when you eat pineapple.

9:27 Also, that rumor about zebras being spotted is amazing if

9:31 true as all the zebras I've ever seen have BEEN STRIPED.

9:35 BOOM!

9:36 GOT IT.

9:36 BOOM!

9:37 BOOM!

9:37 I GOT THAT GUY SO GOOD.

9:39 THIS SHOW IS YOUR ONLY SOURCE FOR animal puns

9:42 and jokes about drinking semen in frankly too rapid succession.

9:47 Orbán's Fidesz Party is actually been trailing by double

9:49 digits in most polls ahead of this election,

9:51 but they may well still win anyway for reasons that we'll get into later.

9:57 So given Hungary's election is just around the corner

9:59 and just how invested in Orbán conservatives here clearly are,

10:03 we thought tonight it might be worth taking a look at Viktor Orbán.

10:06 And let's start with a little history.

10:08 Now, I'll skip past the stuff that we all learned

10:10 in school about Hungary like how it Say it with me.

10:13 Was part of the Soviet bloc for much

10:16 of the 20th century where it operated under a communist dictatorship.

10:21 Exactly.

10:22 We're all on the same page thanks

10:24 to America's famously thorough and globally curious education system.

10:30 But when the communist bloc began to crumble,

10:31 Orbán was in the right place at the right time.

10:33 Here he is in 1989 as a 26-year-old calling

10:36 for the withdrawal of Soviet troops and free Hungarian elections.

10:39 And while I am no fan of Orbán's later work,

10:41 I will admit he was a late '80s snack.

10:45 He's like Mel Gibson there.

10:47 He's got the hair, the intensity,

10:49 and the looming sense that things will eventually take a dark turn.

10:53 Now, after the fall of Soviet communism,

10:55 Orbán took part in talks that eventually led to Hungary's democracy.

10:58 And at the time, he and Fidesz

10:59 were actually a relatively liberal youth movement.

11:02 In fact, early on, only people under 35 could even join the party.

11:06 Just look at one of their early '90s campaign ads.

11:20 Here, and something different.

11:24 A blank slate.

11:29 [music] A new democracy.

11:32 A new Hungary.

11:36 Vote for Fidesz.

11:39 [laughter] Kid I.

11:42 It's got everything '90s kids loved.

11:44 Maps and orange, Dominos, and a bunch of guys who look like they're

11:47 running for the president of a college radio station.

11:49 There was Viktor Orbán, Hungarian Anthony Michael Hall,

11:53 a steakhouse waiter on his smoke break, and of course, virgin John Mayer.

11:58 Back then, Fidesz campaigned on adopting Western

12:01 European economic and political standards and limiting

12:04 the role of the state and the influence of religion on public life.

12:07 But, after Orbán was elected to parliament in 1990,

12:10 he started moving the party to the right.

12:12 He eventually became Europe's youngest prime minister

12:14 in 1998 only to lose after just one term.

12:17 And in his years out of power, he continued moving to the right,

12:22 amping up nationalist populist rhetoric,

12:24 and starting to wrap himself in religion.

12:26 And as he tells it now, he developed a pretty stark philosophy.

12:30 In order to win, it is not enough to know what you are fighting for.

12:37 You also have to know how you should fight.

12:42 My answer is play by your own rules.

12:46 Now, on the surface, play by your own rules is a pretty banal sentiment.

12:51 It's the live, laugh, love for people who haven't been divorced yet.

12:54 But, Hungary soon found out what he meant by that in a political sense.

12:59 Because in 2010, after the global financial

13:01 crisis and a scandal in Hungary's ruling party,

13:03 Orbán was swept back into power with a two-thirds supermajority and immediately

13:08 began tampering with the rules to make sure he never lost again.

13:11 As he put it, we have to win once, but then win big.

13:15 Essentially meaning if he ever gained power,

13:17 he'd use it to fortify his position indefinitely.

13:20 And we only have to win once is one

13:22 of the more ominous things to hear from a leader.

13:25 It's right up there along with trust me,

13:27 you're going to love the Kool-Aid, open the gates,

13:29 papa got to get a closer look at that big old horse,

13:32 and no smoking, what is this, a blimp for dogs?

13:35 Pass me my lighter.

13:37 Sure enough, once back in power, Orbán moved swiftly to solidify control.

13:41 In his first year in office, his government rushed through hundreds of new

13:44 laws and ushered through a brand new

13:45 constitution that was drafted behind closed doors

13:48 and debated in parliament for only nine days.

13:51 There were also big changes to Hungary's election system including

13:53 gerrymandering maps to stack the odds heavily in Orbán's favor.

13:57 As a result, in 2014, his party won 45% of the vote, but 91% of the districts.

14:04 In fact, thanks to that and other tweaks,

14:06 independent observers have deemed Hungarian elections since then free,

14:09 but not fair, which is an interesting combination.

14:12 You are free to vote for anyone you want,

14:15 whether it's Orbán or whoever inevitably loses to him.

14:19 And while changes like those could theoretically have faced legal challenges,

14:23 Orbán's also co-opted Hungary's court system, packing it with loyalists,

14:27 and passing a constitutional amendment that removed

14:29 the court's power to evaluate any new constitutional amendments.

14:32 And when you take all of that together, as this scholar points out,

14:36 it was basically a coup, but a very 21st century one.

14:40 We tend to think of a coup, [music] right,

14:42 as happening with tanks in the streets, you know,

14:45 and the military takeover and the the announcement on radio that, you know,

14:49 all civil liberties have died.

14:52 That's not what autocracy looks like anymore.

14:54 [music] You don't get You don't get phalanxes of tanks.

14:58 You get phalanxes of lawyers.

15:01 That is chilling because if there is one thing

15:03 that is scarier than a tank, it is a lawyer.

15:06 Believe me.

15:07 We have a bunch of them for this show

15:09 and they are constantly yelling things like,

15:10 "John, you can't do this." or "John, you can't show that." or "John,

15:14 you can't say with no evidence that Millie

15:15 Bobby Brown helped plan the 9/11 attacks.

15:17 That's defamation and we will get sued." So, luckily, I don't say it.

15:21 Though, I will say she hasn't denied it.

15:24 We admittedly haven't asked, but her silence says something.

15:28 But, it's not just Orbán's control of government.

15:31 Part of the way he's won over the Hungarian

15:32 public is through his control of the media.

15:34 After returning to power, his government created a new agency to impose heavy

15:38 fines for coverage that it considered unbalanced or offensive,

15:41 as well as founding a new state media

15:43 organization called MTVA overseeing all public media across TV,

15:48 radio, and the internet.

15:50 Listen to one anonymous employee there explain

15:52 just how much editorial control Orbán has.

15:56 Every single thing connected to domestic politics is um restricted.

16:01 I mean, you you can't write anything bad about the government.

16:05 Uh uh for example, if something uh is politically sensitive,

16:10 I I get instructions.

16:13 In in in some cases, I have the whole ready-made article,

16:17 so I don't need to do anything.

16:18 No editing, just Ctrl C, copy and paste the whole article, really.

16:23 Um it's unimaginable, to be honest.

16:27 Yeah, those conditions clearly aren't ideal for a news outlet.

16:31 There is a reason they typically don't give

16:32 out the Pulitzer for excellence in control V.

16:36 A study of one public TV nightly news show found that over 6 months,

16:39 there wasn't a single instance of governing party

16:42 politicians appearing on screen in a negative light.

16:44 Literally zero seconds of negative coverage, which just should not be possible.

16:50 Politicians attract negative coverage about everything they do,

16:53 whether it's about their offensive fashion faux pas or their court-ordered

16:57 liability for sexual abuse to pick two equivalent examples.

17:01 And Orbán's reach goes well beyond state media as his allies bought up tons

17:05 of private independent outlets and then centralized

17:08 many of them under a single foundation.

17:10 According to the investigative journalism outlet Atlatszo, since 2010,

17:15 allies of the prime minister have

17:17 been buying up numerous Hungarian media outlets.

17:20 Men like former Hollywood producer Andy

17:22 Vajna and old school friend Lőrinc Mészáros

17:25 are among a group of 14 Orbán allies who collectively bought 11 radio stations,

17:31 20 television channels, and close to 500 online and print organizations.

17:36 Wow, a far-right leader's friends and allies just buying up all

17:39 the media outlets in the country and turning them into conservative sycophants.

17:43 Can you imagine that?

17:45 I sure can't.

17:46 That's definitely not something I've had

17:47 recurring nightmares about for the past month.

17:51 And the RESULT OF ALL THIS has [cheering] been

17:53 Orbán's party currently controls roughly 80% of the media market.

17:57 And this level of influence over laws, courts, elections,

18:00 and the media has allowed Orbán to reshape Hungary virtually unchecked.

18:05 On the international level,

18:05 that's meant being a constant thorn in the EU's side,

18:08 especially when it comes to dealing with Russia.

18:11 Orbán's consistently had the friendliest ties

18:13 to the Kremlin in the European Union.

18:15 In fact, he's long weaponized Hungary's veto

18:17 power at the EU to block Russia-related sanctions,

18:20 tie up financial aid to Ukraine, and repeatedly stall urgent EU decisions.

18:24 And it says something that even a decade ago, this is how the then president

18:28 of the European Commission greeted Orbán at a summit.

18:32 The dictator is coming.

18:41 IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

18:43 [cheering] IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

18:43 And while I do not condone violence,

18:45 there are a few scenarios where I think it's fine to slap someone.

18:50 When you're trying to revive them,

18:51 when you are share and you really need Nick Cage to snap out of it,

18:55 and of course, whenever you have the chance to hit an authoritarian in the face.

19:00 Meanwhile, [cheering] domestically,

19:02 Orbán's reshaped Hungary into what's basically

19:04 a theme park of reactionary talking points.

19:06 For instance, he's railed against Europe becoming a mixed-race society

19:09 and opposes allowing asylum seekers

19:10 into Hungary despite EU and international laws.

19:14 During the migrant and refugee crisis a decade ago,

19:16 Hungary was accused of unlawful detention and violence against asylum seekers.

19:20 And he made a a big show back then of being openly hostile toward them,

19:25 even going so far as to build an electrified border fence,

19:28 which inevitably got this rave review from Tucker Carlson.

19:32 Hungary began building the fence in June of 2015.

19:35 By September, it was done.

19:37 Well, they're serious about their border, you know.

19:39 It's not a high-tech border wall.

19:41 It's a double fence with a road in the middle.

19:44 But, the difference is they're willing to protect it.

19:46 They're not kidding.

19:47 It's their border.

19:47 They control it because they're a country.

19:50 It's also really pretty.

19:52 Pretty?

19:53 Look, there are three things you can rely on in this life: death, taxes,

19:57 and if you build a fence to keep out immigrants,

19:59 Tucker Carlson is going to want to it.

20:01 Although, if he really does want to kiss some electrified barbed wire,

20:05 who am I to stop him?

20:07 Love is love.

20:09 But but even as migration to Europe has declined,

20:12 Orbán has continued to fearmonger about how if it weren't for him,

20:15 Hungary might be forced to accept millions of refugees,

20:18 who he has falsely characterized as disease-ridden threats to public health,

20:22 extremists planning terrorist acts,

20:24 and agents of a plot to replace native Europeans with foreigners,

20:27 all while reaching for a now-familiar scapegoat,

20:30 suggesting George Soros was masterminding a nefarious

20:33 plan to overrun Hungary with refugees,

20:35 and posting billboards and full-page media ads with the caption,

20:38 "Don't let Soros have the last laugh." And and it wasn't just billboards.

20:43 Orbán's government also passed a law officially called Stop Soros that made

20:47 it illegal to help asylum seekers even just with their paperwork,

20:51 and led a campaign to shut down the Hungarian university that Soros founded.

20:55 Though, what is a little strange about

20:57 Orbán's anti-Soros vendetta is that back in 1989,

21:00 he actually received a Soros-funded scholarship to study at Oxford University,

21:05 where I presume he majored in irony.

21:09 But immigrants and Soros aren't Orbán's only punching bags.

21:12 His government's also gone after Hungary's LGBTQ community,

21:15 something that he bragged about at CPAC.

21:17 To sum up, the mother is a woman, the father is a man, and leave our kids alone.

21:25 Full stop.

21:26 End of discussion.

21:27 We decided we don't need more genders, we need more rangers.

21:32 Less drag queens and more CHUCK NORRIS.

21:36 WHAT?

21:37 THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

21:39 The number of genders has nothing to do with the number of rangers,

21:43 and the number of drag queens has nothing

21:44 to do with the number of Chuck Norris's,

21:46 especially because the most Chuck Norris's you can have is one,

21:50 and that number went down to zero last week.

21:53 And if this is how you are finding that out, surprise!

21:58 [cheering] But it's not just rhetoric.

21:59 Orbán's government officially redefined family,

22:02 which meant an effective ban on adoption by same-sex couples,

22:04 and banned trans people from changing their gender on their IDs.

22:08 In 2021, Hungary even passed a law banning depicting

22:12 or promoting LGBT+ content in schools and the media.

22:15 And if that sounds at all familiar to you, it may be because just 9 months after

22:19 that, Florida's Ron DeSantis signed his version of it,

22:22 focused on classroom instruction, the so-called Don't Say Gay law.

22:26 But perhaps the policy that sums up Orbán's obsessions the best,

22:29 from Christian conservatism to panic over migrants,

22:32 is his relentless focus on Hungary's low birth rate.

22:36 He's tried to increase it by introducing incentives like

22:38 tax exemptions and interest-free loans of about $30,000 for parents,

22:43 which then get canceled if they have three children.

22:46 And that's a pretty good deal,

22:47 but does make giving kids the talk a little more complicated.

22:51 Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much, but also get a sick,

22:56 low-interest loan from the Hungarian government, that's how babies are made.

23:01 Orbán has framed the need for Hungarians to procreate as an existential crisis,

23:06 because to hear him tell it in this ad that his government posted,

23:09 the alternative is for the country to be overrun by migrants.

23:31 Okay, obviously that's yet more great replacement fearmongering.

23:34 But as for you can make fish soup from fish,

23:37 but you can't make fish from fish soup,

23:39 is that folk wisdom, or is that just how soup works?

23:44 I'm just saying, if your nana pointed at a bowl of soup and said,

23:47 "You can't make fish out of that," you'd

23:49 be looking at retirement home brochures that afternoon.

23:52 Also, for what it's worth, that metaphor cuts both ways,

23:55 because I've found with fish soup,

23:57 as with countries, when you add more ingredients, it tends to taste better.

24:02 Otherwise, WHAT YOU HAVE IS HOT [cheering and applause] FISH WATER.

24:06 But Orbán is serious about this.

24:08 He's spent about 5% of Hungary's GDP

24:11 on programs incentivizing families to have kids, but it hasn't worked.

24:16 Hungary's fertility rate recently dipped to the lowest in a decade,

24:19 and their population is still shrinking.

24:20 And that might be because people just don't

24:23 feel optimistic about raising kids in Orbán's Hungary,

24:26 a place where 2/3 of the citizens describe the national education system as bad,

24:30 or where even the conservative Heritage Foundation has put his government

24:33 at the bottom of the EU in its rankings of government integrity.

24:37 And that is the thing about Viktor Orbán.

24:40 For all the fearmongering he's done, all the fences he's built,

24:43 and all the laws he's passed to protect Hungary from the threat of migrants,

24:47 gays, and George Soros,

24:48 he's fundamentally failed when it comes to the basics of good governance.

24:53 Funding for schools and hospitals there has gotten so dire,

24:55 he had to sign an executive order

24:57 to ensure medical facilities were stocked with toilet paper.

25:00 Although, to hear his health secretary tell it,

25:02 any complaints that people had about that were completely unreasonable.

25:07 In an operation as big as the Hungarian hospital system,

25:10 which is 3 million square meters and has

25:12 tens of thousands of people visiting every day,

25:15 I consider it a mathematical impossibility that there should

25:18 be toilet paper in all hospital bathrooms at all times.

25:21 To this day, I maintain that this is a mathematical impossibility.

25:25 Well, I've heard some bad talking points in the past,

25:30 but it's mathematically impossible for our hospitals

25:33 to have toilet paper is right up there.

25:36 I'm really only surprised he didn't go on to suggest hospitals just hang

25:39 a sign in every bathroom reminding people

25:41 that using their socks IS ALWAYS AN OPTION.

25:44 And it is not a great sign for Orbán that some

25:46 of his heaviest-handed tactics now do seem to be backfiring.

25:50 Take this story from last summer.

25:52 Viktor Orbán's government banned LGBTQ public

25:55 gatherings in March, including this one.

25:59 But that ban only seems to have galvanized countless Hungarians.

26:04 They took part in the parade despite the risk

26:06 of being identified by the authorities using facial recognition software.

26:11 I object to any restriction of rights.

26:14 Everyone should be free to choose a partner,

26:16 and I condemn any restrictions that crush

26:18 freedom of assembly and other freedoms, and that's why I'm here.

26:22 I felt the government would make it impossible for this to happen,

26:25 and that there wouldn't be many people.

26:26 It's a fantastic feeling that it's a much bigger crowd than ever before.

26:29 Yeah, that is amazing, and a pretty colossal backfire from Orbán.

26:34 After all, if the Rob Schneider movie The Chosen One told us anything,

26:37 it's the harder you try to oppress people through fear,

26:40 the more they'll rise up against you.

26:42 Now, full disclosure, I don't know if that's really the moral of that film.

26:47 Like everyone else on Earth, I haven't seen it, but what are you going to do?

26:51 Watch it yourself TO FACT-CHECK ME?

26:53 NO WAY.

26:55 SO, LET'S JUST SAY that's the message of the film, and move on, shall we?

27:00 So, what happens next?

27:01 Well, despite the increasing opposition to Orbán in Hungary, the truth is,

27:06 in this election, the playing field is still tilted strongly in his favor.

27:09 And even if he somehow ends up losing the game that he's carefully rigged,

27:14 it's worth knowing his main opponent, Péter Magyar,

27:16 isn't exactly the reformer that you would dream of here.

27:20 He's a former member of Fidesz who's railed against Orbán's corruption,

27:23 but still shares plenty of his right-leaning views.

27:25 And even some Hungarians who say they plan

27:28 to vote for him don't seem thrilled about it.

27:31 I think more and more people want change.

27:33 Mr.

27:33 Magyar, he he used to be a member of Fidesz.

27:36 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

27:37 Do you worry that he might be too similar?

27:39 40 years later, we will see.

27:42 Um to be honest, if there would be a good uh left-wing party,

27:47 I would vote for them, but there is not.

27:49 So, I will vote for Magyar Péter.

27:51 Mhm.

27:52 So, he's not completely on your level when it comes to everything.

27:56 my taste exactly.

27:58 Yeah, he's clearly not thrilled about voting for Magyar,

28:00 but he's willing to push that discomfort down, and put on a happy face anyway.

28:04 If only there were a Hungarian meme to capture that sentiment perfectly,

28:09 but I guess I guess we'll never know.

28:12 But the thing is, regardless of what happens on April 12th,

28:15 Orbán's stranglehold on power should be alarming for us here in the states,

28:19 because he has clearly been an inspiration to American conservatives,

28:23 to the point that J.D.

28:24 Vance is apparently planning to visit Hungary

28:26 to show support for Orbán ahead of their election.

28:29 And that is because for them, Orbán is not a cautionary tale, he's a blueprint.

28:35 To put it another way, if Orbán is a sperm,

28:37 think of Trump as the baby the sperm if you know what,

28:40 forget that, it's a disgusting image.

28:42 Let's reset and try again.

28:43 Look, it's not just me sounding the alarm here.

28:47 People like this Hungarian politician have been trying to warn us for a while.

28:50 You must be familiar with the fact that there are many

28:52 US conservatives coming here to learn from Orbán's style of governance.

28:58 Why do you think that is?

28:59 Well, I don't know why that is, but I know that it's dangerous.

29:02 You should take care of your democracy,

29:04 because fortunately enough, you have your checks and balances.

29:07 If somebody is able to switch them off, you would also slide down.

29:11 This is what happened to Hungary, and I really hope that your system,

29:14 the 200-year-old American democracy, which I admire,

29:17 is strong enough to withstand any such threat.

29:20 Yeah, he's right.

29:21 The fact is, we are lucky to have the checks and balances that we do.

29:25 But we would do well to watch for warning

29:28 signs of what happened in Hungary starting to happen here.

29:31 You know, small things like, I don't know, stacking the courts,

29:33 or shameless gerrymandering, or fearmongering about immigrants,

29:37 or presidential allies buying up the media.

29:39 You know, anything you might spot like that.

29:42 And look, it is not a perfect one-to-one.

29:44 Orbán's takeover was organized and methodical,

29:46 while Trump has the attention span of a coked-up hummingbird with a head injury.

29:50 But they're not worlds apart, either.

29:53 And I'll say, if the right is looking to Orbán as a model,

29:56 the rest of us could do a lot worse than

29:58 to look to those Hungarians in the streets for inspiration.

30:02 Because they're Everyone who's ever fought for American democracy,

30:06 failing to resist authoritarianism would be a huge slap in the face,

30:10 and unfortunately, not the undeniably fun kind.

30:14 And now, this.

30:16 And now, some disgusting new ballpark food for baseball's opening day.

30:22 The Miami Marlins are serving up the machete.

30:25 It's a 2-ft wide tortilla with melted mozzarella,

30:29 Oaxaca cheese, carne asada, salsa verde, and cilantro.

30:33 Yum.

30:34 The Schawarma Bomb Sundae,

30:36 funnel cake [music] fried strawberry Uncrustable covered

30:40 in fruity cereal and served with ice cream.

30:42 This is our double diamond waffle fry with cheese sauce, lardons of bacon,

30:47 mushroom, beef short ribs braised in red wine,

30:50 fontina cheese, and some crispy onions.

30:52 The Behemoth Bat Flip, 2 lb of meat and onions and egg, and holy moly.

30:57 I don't know how you're going to eat it, but I challenge you.

31:00 Crab mac and cheese hot dog.

31:04 Burger topped with entire Vienna sausages.

31:07 Nachos on a stick.

31:08 Barbecue brisket on a mac and cheese waffle.

31:10 A chow [music] mein burrito.

31:12 Hempler's jalapeño cheddar bowl.

31:14 It's got Hempler's jalapeño cheddar sausage bites [music]

31:17 with sautéed peppers and onions on dirty Cajun rice.

31:21 It's topped with Cajun cream sauce.

31:23 You can't tell me, if you get that, you're going

31:25 to be able to stay in your seat for nine innings.

31:29 You can't You can't You're going to make it two innings,

31:32 and you're going to be like, "I'll see you in an hour." Moving on.

31:37 Before we go, a quick word about branding.

31:39 In Trump's second term,

31:40 he's continued his famous love of slapping his name and face on things.

31:43 Just this week, we learned he'd be the first

31:45 ever sitting president to put his signature on our currency,

31:47 and that is just the latest thing he's

31:49 awkwardly added himself to, from the Donald J.

31:52 Trump United States Institute of Peace, which is bold,

31:56 to the Kennedy Center, which is now called the Donald J.

31:59 Trump and the John F.

32:01 Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts, to even this.

32:05 The annual National Parks Pass is getting a new look.

32:07 As you can see, the America the Beautiful card features

32:10 a photo of President Donald Trump near an image of George Washington.

32:15 Well, that is not ideal.

32:16 You don't expect a National Parks Pass

32:18 to feature spooky live-action Statler and Waldorf here.

32:21 And look, I get what they're going

32:24 for by showcasing America's first and final presidents together,

32:27 but Trump making himself and famed cherry tree enemy George Washington

32:32 the faces of our national parks is weird for a number of reasons.

32:34 First, Trump seems to hate them.

32:37 He's made steep cuts to the Park Service,

32:39 which has now lost 24% of its permanent employees.

32:42 But also, the passes have previously focused on the natural beauty of the parks,

32:46 like this one featuring an image of a redwood forest,

32:49 this one featuring a frog with bedroom eyes,

32:51 and this one featuring a roseate spoonbill,

32:54 that bird that always looks like a regular duck attending the Met Gala.

32:58 The point is, the parks passes were about the parks.

33:02 And there's actually a lawsuit right now

33:03 arguing that Trump's face can't be on there,

33:06 as federal law requires the main America the Beautiful Pass to feature

33:09 the winning photo of the National

33:10 Parks Foundation's annual public lands photo contest.

33:13 That is an argument seemingly backed up

33:16 by the announcement of last year's winner, which says,

33:18 "This photo by Akshay Joshi will be featured on the 2026 America

33:21 the Beautiful Annual Pass." And does not go on to say, "Unless, that is,

33:26 the president feels like replacing it with a shot

33:28 of him getting a prostate exam from George Washington." Now, now,

33:32 the winning photo is on the more expensive pass for international visitors,

33:36 but the cheaper one for US residents now has Trump slapped on it.

33:40 And while that winning photo is clearly better,

33:42 if you'll just permit a quick digression here.

33:45 If you look at the runners-up from that contest, I'd argue they both got robbed,

33:49 because second place went to this iconic Big Bird bonking Little Bird,

33:54 and third place was this absolute masterpiece,

33:58 a bear moments after the photographer said, "Now,

34:01 let's take a silly one." But obviously,

34:05 any of these three would be a better choice

34:07 for a pass than this image that looks like you asked AI,

34:10 "What would Ebenezer Scrooge look like today?"

34:12 And it's not just me who thinks that.

34:14 People buying these passes have sometimes been unpleasantly surprised,

34:17 like this motorcyclist who filmed himself buying a pass at an entrance booth,

34:21 and then showed his real-time reaction.

34:23 Last year, when I bought a park pass,

34:24 it was like a cool picture of like a lizard or something on it.

34:27 So, I bought this one, and I'm all like, "Oh,

34:30 this is going to be my park pass for the year.

34:31 I wonder what cool picture's on it." And it's And George Washington and lizard.

34:39 [laughter] Oh, man, you know, no no love or hate towards anyone specifically,

34:44 but I just thought this was funny, like man, uh you know,

34:49 I I would have preferred like a cool scenic nature, animal, or something,

34:55 [laughter] but this is funny, too.

34:57 Excellent.

34:57 And kudos to that guy for rolling with what had to be a disappointment.

35:01 You think you're going to see a cool lizard, only to get Trump instead.

35:05 That sucks in any context.

35:06 IF YOUR FRIEND SAID, "HEY, come to the garage,

35:09 I trapped a cool lizard under a bucket,"

35:11 but it turned out to be DONALD TRUMP INSTEAD.

35:14 OH, MAN.

35:16 OH, MAN.

35:19 I WAS I WAS really looking forward to that lizard.

35:24 [laughter] And it seems there are plenty of park regulars annoyed

35:26 at having to carry around his face in their pocket,

35:29 cuz some of even come up with ways to cover it up, like this woman.

35:32 Really just want to embrace what people are already expressing everywhere,

35:37 that they want to see nature on their National Parks Pass.

35:41 Jenny created stickers out of some of her paintings.

35:44 grizzly bear sitting here looking at Denali.

35:46 The stickers are the dimensions of the America the Beautiful Pass.

35:50 The back has different segments that come off, so it's broken up into segments,

35:55 so they could leave And they're designed to be peeled off in different ways.

35:58 So that when it's adhered to the front of the pass,

36:01 you could flip that up and show the diamond underneath.

36:04 Yeah, it's pretty clever.

36:05 Sometimes, you've got to get imaginative when you're trying

36:07 to cover something up or make it more palatable.

36:10 For her, it was stickers,

36:11 and for the producers of Snakes on a Plane, it was having Samuel L.

36:14 Jackson re-take his lines for a clean version like this.

36:17 I have had it with these monkey-fighting SNAKES ON THIS MONDAY-TO-FRIDAY PLANE.

36:22 YEAH, IT'S IT'S pretty monkey-fighting smart.

36:26 Now, possibly in response to people putting stickers on their passes

36:30 like that, the Department of Interior suddenly updated their rules,

36:33 explicitly flagging stickers and other coverings

36:36 as alterations that could invalidate the pass.

36:38 Though, interestingly, stickers have never caused an issue before,

36:42 with one park worker saying, "I've personally accepted passes that people put

36:46 stickers on, because they just like stickers,

36:48 and it's never been a problem," which seems fair to me.

36:52 Other designers are now selling non-sticker-based solutions,

36:54 like this sleeve that, what do you know,

36:57 turns out to fit just perfectly over the card.

37:01 THESE SLEEVES ARE APPARENTLY selling pretty well on Etsy,

37:04 and getting reviews like,

37:05 "This is perfect to obscure that face I do not need to see." And look,

37:09 there is something inspiring about seeing people

37:11 find a way to enjoy their experience at national parks without having to look

37:14 at the guy who's actively trying to ruin them.

37:16 And if you want to, you can still buy

37:18 any of the things that I've shown you tonight.

37:19 But if, for whatever reason,

37:21 you want to adorn your pass even further, perhaps we can help here,

37:24 because we've designed some stickers that you can download for free

37:27 that can cover up either Trump's face or the entire image.

37:30 First, we contacted the photographer who took that excellent bear photo,

37:35 and they have very kindly let us turn it into a sticker,

37:37 which honestly works pretty well on that pass.

37:41 [cheering] Now, if you want to respect this year's presidential theme,

37:45 but would like a different president to do

37:47 that, we've made stickers of all our wax presidents' faces,

37:50 and I've got to say, Jimmy Carter's in particular looks great on there.

37:54 If you want some wildlife, you can print out a sticker of Mr.

37:57 Nutterbutter, or if you, like that motorcyclist, would prefer a cool lizard,

38:01 why not try a sticker of one of our earliest mascots, the Russian space gecko.

38:04 Again, they each fit pretty nicely on the pass.

38:08 Finally, if you would prefer a vista to cover the whole image,

38:11 how about this one from when we sent our mascot Marshmallow the polar

38:14 bear with a broken penis to Alaska to bet on an ice-melting contest,

38:18 or of course, this gorgeous rendering of what two [cheering] wild

38:22 animals get up to when you simply allow nature to thrive.

38:26 I would argue it's the perfect image to hold your rights

38:30 to visit all America's national parks for the next 12 months.

38:33 All of these stickers to cover Trump's

38:35 face are available for you at johnolivergivestrumphead.com.

38:38 Actually, no, hold on.

38:39 No, no, no.

38:40 No, no.

38:41 I don't I do not like the way that sounds.

38:44 It feels wrong to me.

38:44 Cuz we're giving out multiple heads, aren't we?

38:46 So, it should be johnolivergivestrumpeads.com.

38:49 That is much better.

38:50 That is our show.

38:51 Thank you so much for watching.

38:54 [cheering] We're off for the next couple of weeks.

38:55 Back on April 19th.

38:56 Good night.

39:02 [music] [bell] [music]