Tulsa King Season 3’s Funniest Moments 😆

0:16 [music]

0:24 What the[ __] is this?

0:26 This is my all electric whip, friend.

0:30 Hell no, this grasshopper green, bro.

0:31 I can't be seen in this[ __] I'm going to get my whip, all right?

0:34 Hey, don't worry.

0:35 Windows are tinted.

0:36 You're good.

0:36 No one will see it.

0:37 Casey is going to see us.

0:39 __] Casey.

0:40 Dwight's orders.

0:41 Money's in the boot.

0:42 This is the ride.

0:43 Let's get it done.

0:46 All right, so babe, when they get here,

0:47 we just going to let me handle all the talking, all right?

0:50 What is there to talk about?

0:52 Here.

0:53 It's not a three-act play.

0:55 You want to get spicy with me right now, Bodie?

0:57 Do I want to get spicy with you?

0:59 All right, look, how about you just play the mute instead of the jester,

1:02 and I'm going to handle everything else.

1:04 You think I'm a jester?

1:05 Yeah, I do.

1:05 Play nice, children.

1:10 Same[ __] car.

1:12 Are you packing?

1:13 Of course.

1:14 All right, Shaw.

1:15 Look like it just got real, huh?

1:23 This[ __] ride.

1:26 Guess what we came for.

1:27 Gentlemen, welcome to Oklahoma.

1:29 How's that?

1:30 Apologize for the inconvenience and the location change and everything.

1:33 These are not even my regular people, so Who gives a[ __] Where's the money?

1:51 [music] Oh, snap.

1:50 Oh, snap.

2:01 All right, you good?

2:04 Hold up.

2:17 The[ __] is this?

2:20 Oh,[ __] Oh, I I I I grabbed the wrong duffel.

2:25 That's That's my duffel for OCC, Oklahoma Comic Convention.

2:28 I'm sure you're familiar.

2:29 [music][ __] the money.

2:30 Yo, what the[ __] is going on, man?

2:33 Honest mistake.

2:35 Look, you're already halfway there,

2:36 so why don't you just follow us back to the shop where the cash is.

2:41 You know the way, right?

2:42 Pat him down.

2:48 Hey, this is [music] not a gift, all right?

2:49 I need my[ __] back.

2:50 Me, too.

2:50 Shut up.

2:52 You, get in our car now.

2:54 You guys, stay with these[ __] [music][ __] in this piece of[ __] car,

2:59 and they better have our[ __] money,

3:01 cuz if they [music] don't, I'll call you, you kill them both.

3:04 Got it?

3:05 Got it.

3:08 They'll be okay.

3:20 Front [music] seat,[ __] So,

3:31 what y'all just going to stand there with guns pointed at me for 3 hours?

3:34 Shut up.

3:35 Your arms are going to get tired.

3:36 I'm strong.

3:55 Pardon me.

3:56 Excuse me.

3:57 Excuse me.

3:57 Pardon me.

3:59 I saw a white What the hell is that?

4:02 That's a horseshoe.

4:03 I know it's a horseshoe.

4:04 You wasn't a[ __] jockey, you idiot.

4:06 They won the Georgia Classic.

4:07 This is all they had.

4:09 And And listen, not to change the subject, but uh we got a problem.

4:15 Okay.

4:16 Here we are.

4:20 Uh-huh.

4:21 Cockerham for manner?

4:24 That there is the still.

4:26 I remember the grain handler used to be out back.

4:29 A lot of fun memories behind that thing.

4:31 I suggest shutting up, Mitch.

4:34 Good idea, Mitch.

4:37 And this is where the magic happens.

4:38 Well, happened.

4:41 Uh broken conveyor.

4:43 I don't know what half that junk is.

4:46 These are the bottling lines.

4:49 Well, what used to be the bottling lines.

4:51 Damn rats.

4:53 Shutter distillery 101.

4:55 Barrels to bung holes to not bottling.

4:58 Bung holes?

4:59 That sounds dirty.

5:01 Did you say bung hole?

5:02 Boss don't like the word bung hole.

5:04 I don't like the word bung hole.

5:05 We got ladies here.

5:06 A little respect.

5:07 A bung hole is a circular incision bored into a sealed

5:12 barrel to allow for the release of its contents.

5:14 That's all.

5:15 Moving on.

5:17 Would anyone else like to share?

5:21 Welcome, son.

5:24 Hello.

5:25 My name is Goody, and I'm looking for an alcoholic.

5:30 Beady-eyed lollipop-guild-looking[ __] Uh well,

5:33 uh Al-Anon meetings are on Wednesdays.

5:36 No, no, no.

5:37 This is the right[ __] place.

5:42 His name is Arnett.

5:44 A weaselly piece of[ __] and I know he's been coming here,

5:46 shooting his mouth off, saying things he shouldn't,

5:49 pissing off the wrong people.

5:54 This skid mark lost his wife, his kids.

5:59 He broke into the count of an associate's casino,

6:04 and stole a [music] half a million bucks.

6:08 He tried to whack our boss.

6:10 Can you imagine this drunken shitbird with loaded gun in hand?

6:16 Why?

6:16 No, people, come on.

6:19 Miles.

6:23 And I thought this was a safe space.

6:29 Anyway, point being, he's AWOL.

6:34 So, if you see this freaking dope, please ask him to [music] return to the fold.

6:43 So, what are you going to kiss and make up?

6:45 Negative.

6:47 Dwight said No guns.

6:49 I'm aware.

6:51 There are some fates worse than a bullet.

6:53 Of course, there are.

6:55 Mirroring his phone, hacking his online identity.

6:58 I'll see everything he sees, know everything he knows.

7:02 Every doom scroll, I'll be there.

7:05 Every keystroke, I'll be there.

7:07 Lost Postmates, Pornhub handy.

7:10 And I'll be there.

7:11 I will control every aspect of his life.

7:15 I will make him suffer so much, he'll wish I did pull that trigger.

7:20 Hey, uh Bill says I got to make peace,

7:24 so uh how's about no[ __] gun in my face no more.

7:30 Bygones.

7:32 Sounds good.

7:33 Whatever Bill says.

7:35 I mean, [music] one should never aspire to shoot their coworker, right?

7:41 All right.

7:45 For real?

7:46 Don't do anything stupid.

7:49 Did you not just hear my plan?

7:55 All right.

7:57 Let's go.

8:00 The[ __] Hey.

8:03 What the[ __] Please enjoy the ride.

8:07 Enjoy?

8:07 Who the[ __] is this?

8:09 Unlock the[ __] door.

8:11 I'm Open the door.

8:13 Hey.

8:14 Would you like to listen to music?

8:17 __] no.

8:18 You selected Nas.

8:20 Nas?

8:21 Who the[ __] is that?

8:22 Seriously, guys, [music] I ain't[ __] around now.

8:25 Open the You know what?

8:29 [music] [music]

8:42 So, why don't you tell me what a spelling and a fed are riding around for?

8:46 I had a feeling that question would come.

8:48 I bet you did.

8:49 Let's just say it's a give and take situation.

8:52 I give him information, and he takes the heat off of some of my businesses.

8:56 So, you're an informant.

8:58 Yeah, that's about it.

9:01 [laughter] I'm not proud of it, but yeah, give and take.

9:03 No.

9:04 The important thing is, you're a local cop, right?

9:08 Doing your job.

9:09 He's a fed, but I've been riding with this guy, and his mind is everywhere.

9:13 He's going through a divorce because he can't do it anymore.

9:17 It's kabosh.

9:18 It's not working.

9:19 It's like an assault with a dead weapon.

9:21 You know what I'm saying?

9:25 What the[ __] So, he steps on the pedal, he lets up.

9:28 He's You know what it is?

9:29 He's out of balance.

9:31 You got kids?

9:32 Yeah, I got two boys.

9:33 You do?

9:34 Yeah.

9:35 Do they like the Thunder, the professional basketball team?

9:38 Of course, they love them.

9:38 Favorite team.

9:39 So, do me a deal.

9:40 I've been associated with a season tickets.

9:43 Now, if you could show a little mercy,

9:45 cut this guy some slack, I'll hook you and your sons up courtside.

9:57 Better not be[ __] I've been on the[ __] We all have.

10:02 But I like kids.

10:03 This is real.

10:17 What the hell did you say to him?

10:18 I told him You're the FBI recipient

10:24 of the meritorious award and the shield of valor.

10:29 And he was [music] impressed?

10:30 Very.

10:37 Stop right there.

10:38 Perfect.

10:39 That's the spot.

10:40 Yep, totally invisible.

10:43 Good job, Tyson.

10:45 We definitely won't get caught in this giant

10:48 brushed aluminum dumpster you have us in.

10:53 Sight for sore eyes, I'll say.

10:57 Your eyes are too crystal blue to be sore, Cal.

11:00 I'm not surprised to get your call.

11:02 What can I say?

11:03 Curiosity is the lust of the mind.

11:06 Cal, come on.

11:06 It's me.

11:07 How long have we known each other?

11:09 Before this head of silver.

11:10 And in all that time,

11:11 have you ever known me to be anything but a straight shooter?

11:14 I can't say I have.

11:16 But you are full of surprises.

11:17 So are you.

11:19 I saw your campaign announcement.

11:21 Well, business kind of runs itself now.

11:23 I need something to keep my mind busy.

11:25 And to stave off those lonely nights.

11:27 Thank you.

11:28 I think that you will make one hell of a governor.

11:31 Does that mean I have your vote?

11:33 I'll do you one better.

11:34 I'll help you get elected.

11:36 Huh.

11:36 You don't think I can do it on my own?

11:38 For one thing, I've seen the polls.

11:40 My campaign manager says my numbers are up.

11:42 Your campaign manager needs a campaign manager.

11:45 Another thing, What's that?

11:46 That lonely nights issue?

11:48 Didn't know it was an issue.

11:50 Confirmed bachelor does not poll well.

11:52 And it does not get you into statewide office.

11:55 Let's not forget that Buchanan was a bachelor.

11:57 Ah, yes, he was.

11:59 He was also the second worst president in US history.

12:03 Cal, I've seen you at these events and the vibe is just off.

12:09 Bottom line, and I do mean this in the most loving of ways, [gasps]

12:14 people don't like you.

12:15 Come on, they love me.

12:17 Your mother loves you.

12:18 Your employees love you.

12:20 They laugh at all my jokes.

12:22 You sign their checks.

12:24 The voters, the salt of the citizens of Oklahoma, they do not like you.

12:34 But, Cal, they like me.

12:37 I'm known.

12:38 Urban and rural.

12:40 Oil barons and bankers.

12:43 Ranchers and tech bros.

12:44 I know them all.

12:45 I got connections and I know how to play the game.

12:49 Let me help you.

12:54 What does Dwight get out of this?

12:57 Dwight doesn't know I'm here.

12:59 What do you want?

13:00 My ranch.

13:01 You sell me back your share.

13:05 10 cents on the dollar.

13:07 And in return?

13:08 I will hand you the keys to the governor's mansion.

13:11 Tell me what happens when Dwight finds out.

13:13 You let me worry about Dwight.

13:18 Think about it.

13:28 I'm funny, right?

13:30 I have humor.

13:31 Yes, sir, you're hilarious.

13:33 It is a very specific humor.

13:36 Oh,[ __] You good, babe?

13:40 I'd rather have a bobble in front of me than in front of the bottom of me.

13:49 Yeah, that's a funny one.

13:53 Oh, how long is this ride?

13:55 About 389 miles or so.

13:58 We should have flew, for real.

14:00 No, I don't want to fly because I like

14:02 to be able to move around and come and go.

14:06 Can I ask you a favor, like get rid of this music?

14:09 It's really It's driving me crazy, Cal.

14:11 I'm sorry, sir.

14:12 I don't understand this[ __] at all, really, okay?

14:15 You could say that.

14:16 I shall do.

14:17 I shall do.

14:19 Oh, yeah.

14:19 This That music, is that what they call it?

14:23 Of course, suicide.

14:24 No, Cal, I'm about to throw myself out the window.

14:26 So you're in this?

14:27 Yeah, we're going to miss you.

14:28 Yeah, you will.

14:32 How you doing?

14:33 Hi.

14:34 Name on the reservation?

14:35 Enrico Caruso.

14:36 Ah, very nice to meet you, Mr.

14:38 Caruso.

14:38 I'm only going to be here a day,

14:40 so this should cover it and a couple bucks for you.

14:45 Oh.

14:47 Thank you.

14:47 Mhm.

14:49 Uh, can we get a phone number?

14:50 No, you can't.

14:51 But you can give me the key.

14:53 Yeah, sure.

14:57 Here you go, sir.

14:58 Enjoy your stay.

14:58 Thanks.

14:59 Thank you.

15:00 I'll take that.

15:02 Why are you so slow?

15:07 Come on, man.

15:08 What's with the strut?

15:10 Do you have a bad back or something?

15:12 gangster lean, huh?

15:13 So, who is this Caruso?

15:15 Caruso, maybe the greatest Italian opera singer to ever live.

15:20 And you got to broaden your horizons.

15:22 Man, my horizons already broadened, if you know what I mean.

15:25 Keep dreaming.

15:25 Yeah.

15:26 So, where do we meet tonight?

15:28 Downstairs.

15:31 How you feeling about it?

15:32 Depends on a few factors.

15:34 Yeah, like what?

15:35 What factors?

15:36 How much is he going to lie and is the truth going to slip in there by accident?

15:40 I mean, I saw some photos of the guy,

15:42 you know, he seems a little worn out, a little weak.

15:45 Weak?

15:48 Yeah.

15:47 You know, what a guy looks like and is is worlds apart.

15:52 The mob, now, they ain't what they used to be,

15:55 but he's been running this goddamn thing for over 26 years.

15:59 And you don't do that being a nice guy.

16:01 And most of his enemies quietly end up in cement.

16:07 So, where you get the name from, huh?

16:09 Mhm.

16:10 So, nobody want to[ __] with him, why you want to[ __] with him?

16:15 You own a mirror?

16:17 Yeah, so?

16:18 Are you going to like what's coming back at you?

16:21 Let's see that walk again.

16:24 You like my walk?

16:26 It's great.

16:28 No, wait.

16:29 Wait.

16:29 Wait.

16:29 You stay here.

16:30 I got to be discreet.

16:31 In that suit?

16:34 Yeah.

16:33 Hey, boss.

16:35 They got metal detectors.

16:36 Problem.

16:37 Here.

16:39 See?

16:40 All right.

17:07 Ooh, ooh.

17:08 Let me get you to come right here, sir.

17:09 Mhm.

17:10 Turn around for me, please.

17:13 Must be the brass balls.

17:20 You want to remove your belt, both of them, sir?

17:23 Kind of small.

17:27 It's like a house pet.

17:29 She good enough?

17:30 Yeah, what are they going to force you to do a keg stand?

17:32 You got the badges, right?

17:33 Of course.

17:35 Oh,[ __] Oh,[ __] How you come up on this, bro?

17:41 I know a motivated seller.

17:42 Yeah, they they they look real as[ __] Of course, they are.

17:47 All right, she comes right here.

17:57 What's the word?

17:58 Six guys in the common area playing Xbox.

18:00 A couple of tied, the other two just look pretty lame.

18:03 Basement is past the kitchen on the left.

18:08 No dog.

18:08 Good.

18:10 You finally ready to do this?

18:11 Yes, let's do it.

18:12 I want to go with you.

18:13 What what?

18:13 No way.

18:14 You did your part.

18:15 This is ours.

18:28 [music] Ready?

18:28 __] yeah.

18:28 One, two, one, two, three.

18:38 Police, show me your hands.

18:39 Get your[ __] hands up.

18:40 Hands up.

18:41 Hands up.

18:42 Get your[ __] hands up.

18:43 No, it's very criminal.

18:44 So, you like that, huh?

18:45 Get on your[ __] knees.

18:46 Don't you[ __] move.

18:48 Get on your[ __] knees.

18:52 Yo, Sugar, GET YOUR[ __] HANDS UP.

18:54 AND ON YOUR KNEES.

18:57 STOP TRYING THEM.

18:59 MOVE.

19:00 MOVE.

19:01 TYSON?

19:02 It's Ben.

19:03 We Criminology 101, freshman year.

19:06 __] you're a cop now?

19:07 __] get the[ __] up.

19:08 Get the[ __] up.

19:09 What a contraband act.

19:11 Huh?

19:13 [music]

19:20 Very good.

19:21 Is all of it [music] in, huh?

19:22 Everything?

19:24 Yeah.

19:27 I'm glad we went to school together, man.

19:29 I spared your ass today.

19:32 [music] We ain't going in jail.

19:39 Are we like under arrest?

19:42 You didn't read us our rights or anything.

19:44 Listen up,[ __] face.

19:45 You don't want to end up in jail.

19:47 Your skinny ass will get rearranged day one.

19:49 Maybe we can come up with some sort of agreement to you're

19:51 in, and keep you and your boys out of the system, huh?

20:21 We good.

20:22 We good.

20:24 We good.

20:25 What's my cut?

20:26 Already?

20:28 I appreciate the moxie, but that's not how this works.

20:30 This is like a thousand heads.

20:32 Yo, what's Smith's?

20:32 What's What's the name of the bar you work at again?

20:34 Is it Smith/ Smith?

20:36 She's going to work up a sweat selling all that.

20:38 Great, but what's my finder's fee?

20:40 Relax, we'll work something out.

20:43 All right, look.

20:44 I'm taking 50% of the cash.

20:46 The pills, that's you, too.

20:47 I want nothing to do with it.

20:49 Dwight'll take me apart if he ever found out.

20:50 Hey Smith, I need to know, can can you really sell this[ __] fast?

20:53 I know every bartender and DJ in the city, every club and rave.

20:57 I can sell this[ __] in 10 minutes, but I want 50% of the gross.

21:01 That's how it works.

21:02 50%.

21:03 What kind of business classes did you take?

21:07 Boys, this is my man Rick at the Cricket.

21:09 The Hound Dog of Hound Dogs.

21:12 He's going to take care of us.

21:13 Hell[ __] yeah.

21:16 All right, what's your preference?

21:19 All this 50 cal is pretty.

21:22 We ain't taking out[ __] fighter jets.

21:24 Party pooper.

21:25 You got any hand grenades?

21:27 I do.

21:27 Tear gas, 10 canisters?

21:29 Indeed.

21:30 Night vision goggles?

21:31 That I am out of at the moment.

21:33 We'll just get some black tactical gear, various sizes, we'll be set.

21:37 You got it.

21:37 You could invade Iraq with this[ __] Now,

21:39 we're just going to Dixie Land Delight.

21:42 Let's blow it up.

21:50 Hey, can I ask you something?

21:53 Yeah, of course.

21:54 Have you ever done anything like this?

21:56 No, not really.

21:59 No?

22:00 Uh-uh, no.

22:02 Why?

22:03 I was going to ask for some advice.

22:06 Ain't got none, really.

22:08 You know, um I usually take people out one by each.

22:13 But, I'm looking forward to this.

22:15 How about you, Jim?

22:17 Taser lights, please.

22:19 Yeah, I got it.