I Bought a Time Machine Online
Kurtis Conner
0:00 Hello Canada.
0:00 I'm finishing off my world tour right here in my home country.
0:04 I'm going to Vancouver, Ottawa, Saskatoon, Regina, Winnipeg, Calgary,
0:09 Edmonton, Montreal, and I'm taping another special in Toronto.
0:13 So, two shows there.
0:14 And tickets to those shows are available right now.
0:16 There's still a few tickets available for my US
0:17 shows that are coming up really soon.
0:19 So, go get those if you haven't got those yet.
0:20 All right, enjoy the video, folks.
0:22 One of my favorite movies of all time is Napoleon Dynamite.
0:25 That film had a huge impact on me and straight up I feel like
0:28 I'd be a different guy if I didn't see that movie in my formative years.
0:32 I have always admired Napoleon Dynamite
0:34 mostly because all the characters are ridiculous
0:36 and over the top but at the same time they're all incredibly relatable.
0:39 We can relate to Napoleon feeling like an outsider.
0:41 We can relate to Pedro's determination, Kip's mustache.
0:45 It's all very relatable.
0:46 My favorite character in Napoleon Dynamite and possibly one
0:49 of my favorite characters across all media is Uncle Rico.
0:54 For those of you who have somehow not seen the film,
0:56 Napoleon and Kip's uncle Rico is called in to watch the two
1:00 brothers after their grandmother was injured in a dune buggy accident.
1:03 Says, "When does she go to the dunes?" Uncle Rico is obnoxious,
1:07 rude, self-centered, greedy.
1:09 But throughout the film,
1:10 you find yourself empathizing with this man because it is immediately
1:13 obvious that Uncle Rico is a man painfully trapped in the past.
1:18 Man, I wish I could go back in time.
1:19 Napoleon Dynamite takes place in 2004,
1:21 but Uncle Rico dresses like he's straight out of the 70s,
1:24 and he constantly talks about his high
1:26 school football career and how skilled he was.
1:28 How much you want to make a bet?
1:29 I can throw a football over them mountains.
1:31 And throughout the film,
1:32 he goes on and on about how different his life would be if
1:35 his coach put him in in the fourth quarter of their playoff game.
1:39 Coach would have put me in fourth quarter.
1:40 We'd have been state champions.
1:42 No doubt.
1:42 I'd have gone pro.
1:44 I'd be making millions of dollars and living in a big old mansion somewhere.
1:49 And I think we can all relate to Uncle Rico on some level.
1:51 We all have regrets in our lives.
1:53 And I'm sure there's an event in your life that you can look back on and think,
1:57 "Ah, well, what if this happened instead?
1:58 What if I did this instead of that?" You know,
2:00 like how different would my life be?
2:02 For example, I always wonder what my life would be like if
2:04 I never went to the 2016 Shorty Awards dressed like we'll never know.
2:10 It's interesting to think about, right?
2:12 But obviously, we know we can't go back in time and change the past.
2:15 That's why it's called the past, right?
2:17 It's it's past.
2:18 In Napoleon Dynamite, though, after Uncle Rico's little monologue,
2:21 he gets an idea and he asks Kip an interesting question.
2:24 You ever come across anything like time travel?
2:28 Now, a little later in the film,
2:29 Napoleon comes home to find a makeshift time machine on his kitchen table.
2:34 It's a time machine, Napoleon.
2:35 He bought it online.
2:36 The time machine is crudely put together.
2:38 There are different dials and knobs for power level and desired year.
2:42 It's clearly a piece of junk.
2:44 So obviously Napoleon decides to try it out.
2:46 Not before saying one of my favorite lines in the movie.
2:48 Forgot to put in the crystals.
2:50 And when Kip turns on the time machine, Napoleon is electrocuted.
2:55 This is also when we find out Uncle Rico has already tested the time machine.
2:59 It's a piece of crap.
3:00 It doesn't work.
3:01 I could have told you that.
3:04 Great bit.
3:05 This scene is a seemingly pointless gag in the middle
3:07 of the film that makes me laugh every time.
3:09 Now, I've probably seen Napoleon Dynamite probably a thousand times,
3:14 but I watched this movie recently while I was on tour,
3:16 and this time machine scene, for whatever reason,
3:19 jumped out at me more than usual.
3:21 That one line from Kip really stuck with me.
3:23 It's a time machine.
3:24 You bought it online.
3:25 That line of dialogue burrowed into my brain and it really got me thinking.
3:29 Can you actually buy a time machine on the internet?
3:32 And that simple question led me down one
3:34 of the most bizarre rabbit holes I have ever been down.
3:38 But before we get into all that, let's turn the clocks.
3:40 I think it'd be fun to explore the concept
3:42 of time travel in general and really have
3:44 a firm understanding of it before I actually
3:46 go out and try to find one for myself.
3:48 So, what is time travel?
3:50 Is it when an herb in the mint family forgets to dribble?
3:55 But it's also the act of traveling through time.
4:00 Pretty simple definition.
4:01 And if you didn't know that, I don't know.
4:02 You're a[ __] idiot.
4:03 I think it's[ __] time travel, man.
4:04 It's either you're here, not here, but you go back or you go forward.
4:08 My introduction to the concept of time travel,
4:10 like most people, was from an old iconic movie.
4:13 Pretty much the definitive time travel movie.
4:16 Feel like when people think about a time travel film, they think about this one.
4:19 I'm obviously talking about Black Knight, starring Martin Lawrence.
4:22 You guys remember that one?
4:23 The 2001 film Black Knight.
4:25 Martin Lawrence's character is sent back to medieval
4:28 times by a magical amulet and hilarity ensues.
4:33 Black Knight.
4:34 Others were probably introduced to the concept of time
4:36 travel by a lesserknown film, Back to the Future.
4:40 A film about a young Marty McFly traveling back to the 50s to save his scientist
4:45 friend Doc Brown and ensure his parents fall in love or he will cease to exist.
4:49 Oh yeah, there's also that scene where he makes out with his mom.
4:54 I guess Tom Brady wrote this movie.
4:56 Time travel isn't necessarily a modern concept, though.
4:59 An ancient Hindu poem called the Mahabraata
5:01 tells a story featuring time dilation,
5:04 the phenomenon where the passage of time is
5:06 perceived differently by observers in different frames of reference,
5:10 primarily due to relative motion or gravitational effect.
5:13 And I came up with that definition all all by myself.
5:15 This ancient Hindu poem, a man and his daughter visit the gods for 27 minutes,
5:20 but when they return to Earth, they learn that 116 million years have passed.
5:25 That's literally me when I'm gaming.
5:26 Time dilation is like a dude, I keep wanting to say dalmatation.
5:29 The time dalmation is real, though.
5:31 Time dilation is like a real proven thing, too, which is[ __] crazy.
5:35 And the popular example people use to describe this phenomenon
5:38 is you were to take a set of twins, force one of the twins to stay on Earth,
5:42 and then force the other twin into a rocket
5:44 ship that travels through space like super fast.
5:46 Each twin would be traveling through time at different speeds.
5:49 So when the space twin returns to Earth,
5:51 they would be much younger than their Earth twin,
5:54 also known as the ultimate prank.
5:56 So that right there is pretty much proof that time
5:58 can be manipulated and traversed at different speeds through space.
6:02 But obviously the actual action of like jumping
6:04 forward or backwards in time has never been done.
6:07 Even though some people think it has, but we'll we'll get into that in a second.
6:11 Time is an odd thing though, right?
6:12 If you asked me to describe time,
6:14 it'd be like I wouldn't really know what to say, right?
6:15 It's just it's a thing that we're in, but but like
6:18 also but you can at the same time you can be on it and we also have it
6:22 but it's tomorrow and sometimes yesterday but also right now.
6:25 It's like it's impossible to describe.
6:26 Time is this weird otherworldly concept
6:30 with no really easy way to comprehend it.
6:32 I feel like when something like that exists,
6:34 people kind of just make up their own ways to perceive it.
6:37 But don't worry, there are some highly intelligent individuals out
6:40 there who are able to rationalize time in very interesting ways,
6:43 like this alpha male I saw on Tik Tok.
6:45 So, I measure time.
6:46 I've compressed and condensed time.
6:47 I've bent it.
6:48 My day is 6:00 a.m.
6:50 to noon.
6:50 And I'm not crazy.
6:51 You're crazy for thinking it takes 24 hours,
6:53 just like some dude in a cave did 300 years ago.
6:56 My second day starts at noon and goes till 6 p.m.
6:58 That's day two.
6:59 And then the next day is 6:00 p.m.
7:01 to midnight.
7:02 What I've done now is I have changed and manipulated time.
7:04 I now get 21 days a week.
7:06 Stack that up over a month.
7:07 I'm going to kick your butt.
7:08 Holy[ __] Who's to say this man is not a time traveler.
7:12 He has extended the time that he has just by saying that he did.
7:16 Is that all it takes?
7:17 I don't know.
7:18 It is always a good sign though when
7:19 someone is talking and then immediately after they go, I'm not crazy by the way.
7:23 You are.
7:24 I'm not crazy.
7:24 You're crazy for thinking it takes 24 hours just
7:27 like some dude in a cave did 300 years ago.
7:29 Also, did he think we were all cavemen 300 years ago?
7:33 Feel like he should spend one of his 21 days a week to[ __]
7:36 read a book or something cuz what the[ __] I'm not crazy, dude.
7:40 This guy must be a[ __] nightmare to make plans with.
7:42 Hey, man.
7:43 You free Tuesday?
7:44 No, sorry.
7:44 I'm busy.
7:45 How about the day after?
7:46 Wednesday?
7:46 Uh, no, not Wednesday.
7:48 The day after Tuesday, which would be Wednesday for you?
7:54 Yeah.
7:55 And for everybody else.
7:56 Dude, are you dumb?
7:57 It goes Tuesday, Plurp day, Wednesday, Zupy day, and then Thursday.
8:03 What are you saying?
8:03 I'm not crazy.
8:05 Oh gosh, you are lucky I had my anger management class on penis day.
8:09 Penis day?
8:10 Yeah.
8:10 Did you come up with these names?
8:12 Yeah.
8:12 Time travel is an incredibly popular topic in film for obvious reasons, right?
8:16 Time rules all.
8:17 Time is kind of like a jug of Gatorade at your soccer practice.
8:21 It's all you're thinking about.
8:22 It's the most valuable resource and most of us
8:25 don't know how much of it we have left.
8:27 And that's why so many people create stories about time because it is
8:31 one of the few things that we all have a deep direct relationship with.
8:35 Time travel is a great subject for comedy films especially
8:37 because it lends itself to the fish out of water trope.
8:40 A narrative device where a character is placed
8:42 in a new unfamiliar environment forcing them to adapt and learn.
8:46 You know, think of films like Hot Tub Time Machine,
8:48 Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
8:50 Yeah, I even put Blast from the Past and Austin Powers in this category.
8:52 And although time travel is used a lot in comedy,
8:55 there are a lot of like genuinely disturbing and devastating aspects
8:59 to time travel that have been explored in various drama and sci-fi films.
9:03 For example, that scene in Interstellar
9:05 where Cooper realizes 23 years have passed
9:07 on Earth while they were on Miller's planet for only 3 hours and 17 minutes.
9:11 We see that heartbreaking scene of Cooper
9:13 watching his children grow up without him.
9:15 And oh my god, dude.
9:16 Listen again.
9:17 The actual concept of a time machine was popularized
9:20 by the 1895 book titled The Time Machine by HG Wells,
9:25 full name H Home and Garden Wells.
9:27 And since then, the world has become fascinated by the idea
9:30 of a machine that can transport us through time.
9:33 And in the study of time travel, there are generally three main theories of how
9:37 it would work if you traveled back in time.
9:40 So, let's learn about them.
9:42 Welcome to class.
9:43 Let's go over the time travel theories.
9:47 Can you see?
9:48 Kind of.
9:50 How about now?
9:50 Theory number one is the fixed timeline.
9:53 So, this is the timeline.
9:54 Say you wore an ugly outfit um right around here and this is the present
10:00 day and you want to go back to here to sort of, you know,
10:03 stop yourself from wearing a bad outfit.
10:06 Hypothetically, the fixed timeline theory states
10:08 that even if you went back in time, no matter what you did in the past,
10:12 it would have no impact on the future because
10:15 what happened in the past already would have happened.
10:17 A good example of this is uh Prisoner of Aszaban.
10:20 You know, when the stranger across the pond is casting
10:23 all those spells and when they go back in time,
10:24 you realize it was Harry Potter the whole time.
10:27 Another example of this is Futurama where Fry ends up being his own grandfather.
10:32 And in this All right, sorry.
10:33 I got to draw a little hat on this guy's outfit.
10:36 In this theory, if I went back in time
10:38 and told myself to wear a different outfit,
10:41 I showed my old self a picture of me wearing that outfit to be like,
10:45 "Don't wear this." And then I go back to the present.
10:47 Me back then, I probably wasn't going to wear that.
10:50 And then I saw the picture that my future
10:51 self showed me of that and then I was like,
10:53 "Oh, that actually that looks kind of fly." And then I wore it anyway.
10:56 So, like no matter what you it's going to happen.
10:57 That's basically the fixed timeline theory.
11:00 It's pretty cool, right?
11:01 It's it's fun.
11:02 Um, but I think it's the lamest one out of all
11:04 three cuz it's like there's nothing cool about it, you know?
11:06 No free will.
11:07 L.
11:08 All right, theory number two.
11:09 That would be dynamic timeline.
11:11 This one's got to be the coolest one, I think.
11:13 So, let's get a timeline here.
11:15 Me, present day, bad outfit right here.
11:18 This is a theory that states that whatever you do
11:20 in the past has a direct impact on the future.
11:24 So, think of a movie like Butterfly Effect and how changing one simple thing
11:27 in your past has these ripple effects and will
11:30 drastically change the way your life pans out.
11:32 You could go back in time, invest a bunch of money in Apple,
11:35 and then when you come back, you're you're rich AF.
11:38 Or, you know, you go back in time and you get rid of the stupid outfit and then,
11:43 wo, in the future, you're a little happier.
11:46 The only caveat though is if you go back in time and make out with your mom,
11:51 you know, when you come back to the future, you're still a weirdo.
11:54 Sorry, Tom Brady.
11:55 And now it's time for theory number three.
11:57 The multiverse.
11:58 Someone at Marvel just[ __] cane their pants, bro.
12:01 This is the theory that claims that there is an infinite number of universes.
12:04 So, if you go back in time and change something,
12:07 you know, we get rid of this silly hat.
12:09 Doing so would create a uh branching timeline.
12:13 So essentially the the main timeline, the original one stays the same.
12:17 I still have the dumb hat and I'm sad now.
12:20 But then doing so creates a new timeline where the effects,
12:24 you know, actually take place and I'm happy down here.
12:27 So this one's pretty cool,
12:28 but it's also a little scary cuz like if someone traveled back in time, right?
12:33 It's the worst arrow ever.
12:37 If someone travels back all the way here to, you know,
12:39 unal alive, a a baby dictator,
12:44 obviously that'd be pretty cool cuz then in this new timeline,
12:47 that horrible thing never happened.
12:48 Yay.
12:49 But then it's kind of weird because in the original timeline,
12:52 it stays the exact same.
12:53 Like the terrible event still took place,
12:56 but now there's this new timeline created where
12:58 you're just like a like a baby killer.
13:02 So, you know, small price to pay, I guess.
13:04 All right.
13:04 Thank you so much for attending my lecture.
13:05 I hope you have a firmer grasp of the three theories of time travel.
13:09 Now, back to me.
13:14 Now, obviously, time travel isn't possible right now.
13:16 And I don't even know if it's going
13:17 to be possible in the future because if it did,
13:19 I'm sure there'd be people coming back
13:21 from the future and[ __] bragging to us about it.
13:24 Dude, I'd a thousand% do that if I could time travel.
13:26 Uh, you're from back here.
13:28 That sucks for you.
13:28 Ner, I'm from somewhere better.
13:31 But there are people out there who genuinely believe time
13:33 travel is possible in the future and possibly right now.
13:36 And there are a few popular cases out
13:38 there with some intriguing evidence to support their claim.
13:40 So, let's take a look at the evidence.
13:42 So, if you look up time travel evidence
13:44 or time travel proof on Tik Tok, wa hold on.
13:48 Tik Tok.
13:49 Tik Tok like a clock.
13:50 Like the passage of time.
13:51 Holy[ __] This goes all the way to the top.
13:53 I looked up time travel proof on Tik Tok and I found this guy
13:56 who made a 29p part series about his firsthand encounter with a time traveler.
14:02 This dude's coming onto my property to what looks like rob my house,
14:06 but it actually turns out he is a time traveler.
14:08 This guy walks around my backyard, goes to my shed,
14:11 opens the door, goes inside, and disappears.
14:14 The cops came, they went in the shed twice.
14:16 He wasn't in there, and you can see he
14:18 never came back until the next day right here.
14:22 notification on my camera that there's somebody
14:24 in my backyard and this guy leaves my shed.
14:28 But here's the craziest part.
14:30 This looks like the same guy.
14:32 Maybe glasses, whatever.
14:34 Was the other guy.
14:35 He noticeably aged.
14:38 Looks like the same guy but aged.
14:40 So him again.
14:41 And now him.
14:42 Somebody explain this.
14:44 Okay, I will say this whole thing seems a little weird.
14:46 And sure, you could make the argument that these guys do look a little similar.
14:49 Maybe they could be the same guy at different points in their life.
14:52 I don't know, man.
14:53 There's something a little weird about a time traveler looking like that.
14:58 When I think of a time traveler,
14:59 I'm picturing someone either dressed like the men in black
15:02 or like in a legit space suit or something.
15:04 I'm not picturing a dude in a guest t-shirt and long jean shorts.
15:09 Dude, he looks like the type of guy who would yell
15:11 at you on the street about being able to time travel, okay?
15:14 Not actually do it.
15:15 This Tik Tok of his got like millions of views, though.
15:18 And people in the comments were convinced that this man
15:21 that went into his shed is 100% a time traveler.
15:24 That's him, but older.
15:26 Definitely a time traveler.
15:27 Shed is a portal.
15:28 That's the time travel.
15:29 But on the flip side, some people in the comments had their suspicions.
15:32 He is not a time traveler.
15:34 He is a shape shifter or he is a paranormal, but definitely not time travel.
15:39 Lots of magicians do this very easily, but if anything, he is shape shifters.
15:43 He's not a time traveler, okay?
15:46 He's a shape shifter or a paranormal just like Chris Angel.
15:50 You know how stupid you sound?
15:51 You're not getting it.
15:52 It's not talking to you.
15:53 By the look of his profile pic though, I trust him.
15:55 Uh so yeah, over the next 29 videos,
15:58 this man goes insane over this supposed time traveler.
16:02 He sets up another camera inside of his shed.
16:04 He then develops this weird theory that this man
16:07 is this other man who died in 2018.
16:10 This guy who looks pretty similar to our boy here.
16:13 Crazy part is this guy was obsessed with time travel and you can see 9
16:18 years ago he used to post on blogs talking about time travel and how it works.
16:23 This guy died in 2018.
16:26 First off, super disrespectful to that dead guy.
16:28 But also too, like any old guy who's obsessed with time travel,
16:31 it's going to look exactly like that.
16:33 Anyways, he then goes into his shed and looks for a tunnel or an opening.
16:37 He then asks his neighbors if they've seen this time traveler around.
16:42 And at one point, he actually invites a psychic to do a reading in the shed.
16:46 Is there any supernatural activity happening here?
16:51 Okay, we got a yes.
16:52 Come on, bro.
16:55 All right, that's crazy.
16:56 Is this shed a portal?
17:00 How is it moving on its own?
17:02 So, now we're going to go to the dryer.
17:03 The energy is a lot more expanded.
17:06 There's like more activity, like more bugs and everything, too.
17:09 There's more bugs.
17:10 Yeah, guys, if you got bugs flying around you all the time,
17:12 don't let people tell you that you stink.
17:14 You're just a portal.
17:16 See how the pendulum acts when we put it inside the dryer.
17:19 Cuz if it is a portal, it'll start to act a lot more abrupt.
17:22 Wo.
17:22 Okay.
17:23 Yeah, the portal is in the dryer.
17:25 Wow.
17:26 So, that's where all my socks go.
17:28 We're going to get a car to see the overall energy.
17:35 Magician.
17:36 Holy[ __] The[ __] cowboy guy was right.
17:39 It was a magician.
17:41 Holy[ __] No way, dude.
17:44 This card, if we look at it, it's more of a sense of grief.
17:49 All right, I'm going to go ahead and tip it.
17:52 Okay.
17:52 Also, I I don't know where he found this clumsy ass psychic, dude.
17:58 I don't know if reading tarot cards is the same as 52 pickup, but anyways,
18:02 he ends this time traveler saga by saying that he
18:05 hasn't found any more proof of this time traveler.
18:07 And that one singular time he saw that man was the last time he ever saw it.
18:12 Unfortunately, nothing.
18:13 The biggest movement was that paper falling down.
18:15 And I hate to be a party pooper.
18:17 That's a lie.
18:17 I love pooping on parties.
18:19 Actually, I don't believe this for a second.
18:21 This old guy could have easily just walked out from behind
18:24 the shed cuz we never actually see him walk out of the shed.
18:27 Ring cameras also glitch like all the[ __] time and they're really not
18:31 that good at consistently picking up motion where you want them to pick up.
18:34 So the younger guy could have just left the shed before the cop
18:37 showed up and then it just didn't pick up on the camera, you know?
18:39 And also the one thing that made me doubt this story the most,
18:42 the guy who posted this series doesn't even live at this house.
18:46 This all took place at his Airbnb rental property.
18:49 It is an Airbnb.
18:51 Sorry, man.
18:51 I don't trust anybody who owns an Airbnb.
18:54 The only reason this guy made 29 videos in order to find this guy who
18:58 went into his shed was so he could charge him a[ __] $300 cleaning fee.
19:01 Okay, I'm convinced.
19:02 Yeah, the fine print actually says no time travel allowed.
19:05 So, you owe me $1,000, but a time travel fee.
19:07 This also took place in Florida, so honestly, who knows?
19:10 I feel like if anybody's going to like accidentally discover time travel,
19:13 it's going to be a Florida man for sure.
19:15 you drink enough alligator blood and snort enough[ __] bath salts,
19:18 I feel like anything is possible, dude.
19:20 And you can find a ton of other people
19:21 on Tik Tok claiming that they have proof of time travel,
19:24 other people claiming to be time travelers themselves.
19:27 But this is not a new phenomenon.
19:29 I remember seeing this weird video years ago about
19:31 a time traveler coming back to warn us about the future.
19:34 This picture was taken in the year 218.
19:39 Definitely not a teen boy in a weird mask.
19:42 I'll never forget when I took that picture.
19:45 Time traveler.
19:46 And for decades, people have claimed that they've
19:48 seen time travelers in old pictures and videos.
19:51 For example, this is a picture that a lot of people
19:54 reference when they want to prove that time travel is real.
19:57 Dubbed the timetraveling hipster, this photo was taken in 1941,
20:01 and people think it proves the existence of time travelers
20:04 because this guy here is wearing a hoodie and sunglasses,
20:06 and he's carrying what appears to be a small digital camera.
20:09 He is simply way too chill to be from that era of time.
20:13 I will say he does look a little out of place in this photo.
20:16 And it does look a little strange when you first look at it, right?
20:18 This guy 100% looks like he[ __] bruised his own IPA in his face.
20:22 But upon further research,
20:24 you'd find that the sunglasses he's wearing were available since the 20s.
20:27 Kodak made cameras of that size in 1941.
20:30 And he's also wearing a Montreal Maroons jersey,
20:33 which is a hockey team that operated from 1924 to 1938.
20:36 I think he's dressed just more casually
20:38 in comparison to the old people surrounding him.
20:41 If he had like a pack of Zins in a chain wallet,
20:43 then you know, then I'd be a little more convinced.
20:45 Also, dude, a hipster capable of time travel would be way too powerful.
20:48 They would know about literally everything before it was cool.
20:52 Another common category of time travel evidence are
20:55 old pictures of people using modern tech products.
20:58 For example, there are some people who genuinely think the woman
21:01 in this painting from 1860 is looking at a phone.
21:05 There's this clip from a Charlie Chaplan movie where
21:07 this woman appears to be using a cell phone.
21:09 There's this video from a 1995 Mike Tyson fight where
21:12 a man in the crowd appears to be filming with a smartphone.
21:15 There are dozens of these examples.
21:17 Could this be proof that time travelers exist?
21:19 No.
21:20 Obviously, each one has a perfectly logical explanation.
21:23 This girl isn't looking at a phone because little books existed back then,
21:26 so it's probably a little book.
21:28 At least a Kindle.
21:29 Charlie Chaplan lady can't be using a cell phone because that clip is
21:33 from a 1928 movie and I don't know if they had cell phone towers back then.
21:38 And the Mike Tyson guy was actually using this old
21:40 Logitech camera that kind of resembles a modern smartphone.
21:43 The painting is the craziest claim though, dude.
21:45 Could you imagine if phones existed back in the 1800s?
21:49 Oh, I got a match on Hinge.
21:50 Ooh, well, come on.
21:51 What's he like?
21:52 Okay, he's very handsome.
21:54 He likes going to vaudeville shows and wearing his pants very high.
21:58 And oh no, what's wrong?
22:00 He's holding up the Confederate flag.
22:02 Oh, that's a red flag.
22:03 But yeah, there's also a little bit of blue.
22:05 But hey, at least when the war is over, we'll never see that flag ever again.
22:09 Folks, I have watched dozens of time travel proof videos on YouTube.
22:13 But guys, I have to show you my favorite one because holy[ __] this one
22:18 made me laugh like so goddamn hard and I need to share it with you.
22:21 Okay, the title of this video is
22:22 10 possible evidence of time travel throughout history.
22:26 10 million views.
22:27 And all the claims in this video are a little ridiculous.
22:29 Like this one, for example, where they claim the mohawk haircut didn't appear
22:33 anywhere until the 1939 movie Drums Along the Mohawk.
22:37 So, they cite this 1905 picture of a guy with a mohawk as proof of time travel.
22:42 This haircut only gained popularity in the 1970s.
22:46 So, how on earth did a man from 195 choose such a futuristic hairstyle?
22:50 Okay, so that's obviously hilarious because the mohawk
22:53 style of haircut obviously existed way before 1939.
22:58 And also that doesn't even look like a mohawk.
23:01 I think his barber just[ __] his[ __] up.
23:02 Dude, it's crazy to get a haircut so bad it makes people believe in time travel.
23:07 That sucks.
23:08 Wo, you're from the future?
23:09 No.
23:09 What makes you say that?
23:10 I've just never seen a haircut so ugly.
23:12 I'm sorry.
23:13 I'm sure it's stylish in your time, but right now, oh my god,
23:16 if I looked like that, oh my god, I don't even know what I would do.
23:19 __] kill myself.
23:20 Okay, you're right.
23:20 You got me.
23:21 I am from the future.
23:22 I knew it.
23:23 What's it like?
23:24 Everyone is really nice to me.
23:27 But guys, my favorite piece of evidence they show in this video is this one.
23:31 This footage was recorded during a live football match in Uruguay.
23:34 During a live football match,
23:36 a shadowy figure can be seen running through an aisle at super speed.
23:42 [Music] The Vic seems to be running through people at an incredible speed.
23:54 Okay.
23:59 [Music] The[ __] does a guy running really fast have to do with time travel?
24:08 He doesn't even say like when this video took place.
24:11 This is just a video of a guy running fast.
24:13 Dude, running actually wasn't invented until 1999.
24:18 So, how was this guy moving so fast?
24:19 Whoever made this video,
24:20 this guy would have a[ __] heart attack if he ever found out about marathons.
24:27 [Music] Oh, call me a time traveler.
24:37 How I be getting the runs.
24:39 As you can see from those examples,
24:40 tons of people out there believe that time travel will be possible
24:43 in the future and that we've already
24:45 been visited from these time tourists or time, whatever you want to call them.
24:50 But what if I told you that there is a large group of people
24:53 out there who genuinely believe that time travel is possible right now in 2025?
24:58 I mean, honestly, it's not that shocking.
25:00 I feel like people believe in like way crazier[ __] these days,
25:03 but it's true though.
25:04 It It is true.
25:04 Right now, you can go online and you
25:06 can find many different ways to travel through time.
25:10 And I want to know if it's true or not.
25:11 I want to learn everything about whatever methods are
25:14 available right now to actually travel back in time.
25:18 I want to be the first person on YouTube
25:21 to successfully document a trip backwards in time.
25:25 Now, I'm aware that's a pretty lofty goal.
25:27 You know what they say, shoot for the stars, and if you fall,
25:29 you pass you fall right through the clouds
25:32 and you fall to your death and and you die.
25:34 and it hurts.
25:35 And I've been thinking about what I would
25:36 do if I successfully went back in time.
25:39 Like where specifically do I go?
25:41 Because if I'm being honest,
25:42 I actually like love everything about my life right now.
25:44 This is all actually like best case scenario.
25:46 So I necessarily wouldn't want to change anything in my personal life.
25:49 But then I got to thinking like if I'm going to be
25:51 the first guy to travel back in time on YouTube successfully,
25:56 I feel like I have a duty.
25:59 I got to poop.
26:00 No, I feel like I have a duty to my fellow human
26:02 beings to go back in time and prevent something terrible from happening.
26:06 Not even a duty, it's a responsibility.
26:08 So, I think I need to travel back to a moment
26:11 in time that truly changed the world as we knew it forever.
26:15 I need to stop a terrible,
26:18 devastating incident that took place one day in New York City.
26:24 Yeah, that one.
26:25 when sadly one morning an airplane dropped me off for the 2016 Shorty Awards.
26:33 Okay.
26:33 Yeah.
26:34 And I walked into that building,
26:36 stood on that[ __] teal carpet in that[ __] ass outfit,
26:39 and the worst photo of all time was taken.
26:41 And I've been made fun of ever since.
26:43 Okay.
26:43 So, that's what I'm going to do.
26:44 But before that, I need to figure out how to do it.
26:47 So, how do we do it?
26:48 So, the first thing I Googled was by Time Machine, and that led me to Etsy.
26:53 And then if you actually search time travel on Etsy,
26:56 the first things that pop up are actually like
26:58 dozens of time travel spells that you can purchase
27:02 and then I think maybe cast yourself or the person
27:05 you buy them from like cast them for you.
27:07 So for the low low price of $170.70, which is also 70% off.
27:14 So the original price was $568.
27:18 Okay.
27:18 The title of this one is Strongest Time Travel Spell.
27:21 Super powerful time travel spell.
27:23 Time travel spell.
27:24 Travel spell.
27:25 Okay, so just a travel spell.
27:28 So a plane.
27:29 It's a plane ticket.
27:30 You get a plane ticket.
27:30 Be[ __] up if someone ordered a time travel spell and they're like, "Okay,
27:34 abracadabra." Thinking that they're going to show up in like 1950,
27:37 but they get transported to like modern-day Boise, Idaho.
27:41 Okay.
27:41 Time travel spell there.
27:42 Like a weird like I think AI artwork there, which is great.
27:46 Uncover the secrets of time with this meticulously crafted spell.
27:50 Infused with ancient wisdom passed down through the ages,
27:53 this spell offers seamless traversal through time,
27:55 ensuring a safe and exhilarating journey.
27:57 Delve into the an ew.
28:02 You want me to travel to the anals of history, bro?
28:07 [Music] Fine.
28:12 Also, the reviews on this page don't really make sense either.
28:15 I've seen a difference.
28:16 I saw a little movement on the clock.
28:19 Yeah.
28:19 Yeah, I bet.
28:20 Let's just I don't know what that means.
28:25 Maybe that's like this text to speech while they were performing the spell.
28:29 So, I was looking through these for an entire
28:32 evening and they were[ __] cracking me up.
28:34 But like the more I looked into them,
28:35 the more sad I got because like when you think about it,
28:38 who's the type of person to purchase a time travel spell?
28:42 Most likely it's someone who wants to go back in time and change
28:45 something awful in their past so they have a better life in present day.
28:49 So like all the real actual reviews for these time travel spells are
28:53 left by people who are like genuinely sad and depressed and just desperate
28:58 for change in their lives and they're convinced that this time travel spell
29:01 is going to be the one thing that finally fixes all their problems.
29:04 I'm looking forward to the results of the magic.
29:06 I hope to avoid several mistakes again.
29:09 Five stars.
29:10 May the powerful magic manifest and make my wish come true.
29:13 Thank you.
29:14 Five stars.
29:14 Good service and I am waiting for the results.
29:17 Five stars.
29:18 And no exaggeration, every single review for every single one
29:22 of these time travel spells is five stars.
29:24 But at the same time, every review is like waiting for my results.
29:28 We'll see if anything pans out.
29:29 Like guys, don't rate it five stars if nothing[ __] happened yet.
29:33 You know, I am convinced the sellers are for sure like, "Oh, by the way,
29:36 like if you don't rate this five stars, then the spell won't work.
29:39 Sorry, but the time travel spell review that really
29:41 stopped me in my tracks was this one.
29:43 Hello.
29:44 Purchase two times to get the enhanced effect.
29:47 I maintain total faith that the results will come true.
29:50 I trust in your enormous abilities, Jessica.
29:53 Help me get back to that date to avoid the problem I told you about.
29:56 And beyond the best review, I will thank you for life.
29:59 I promise.
30:00 Five stars.
30:02 No.
30:03 First off, help me get back to that date to avoid the problem I told you about.
30:07 So sad.
30:08 Absolutely heartbreaking,
30:09 but also purchase two times to get the enhanced effect.
30:13 That sounded weird as[ __] Okay,
30:15 so I checked out the description and what do you know?
30:17 Buy one time, single cast.
30:19 Traveling 100 years in the past or future will become easy.
30:23 Buy two times, double cast.
30:25 This one will show you results sooner and you can time travel easily.
30:29 Okay, so one is easy and one is easily.
30:31 Big difference.
30:31 Buy three times, triple cast.
30:34 Watch 5,000 years in the past or future with this spell.
30:37 by four times.
30:39 This is my strongest spell and it helps you see any event of the past or future.
30:44 That is evil.
30:46 Okay, I'll say it.
30:47 Evil evil behavior.
30:49 Look, man, it's one thing to like prey on people's vulnerabilities and sell
30:52 them a time travel spell so they can fix the mistakes of their past.
30:56 But the gull, the absolute gull to be like,
30:59 "Listen, if you want it to really work,
31:01 you got to buy it four times." Maybe that's
31:03 what happened at the[ __] Salem Witch Trials, dude.
31:06 Everybody was fine with all the witchcraft and spells.
31:08 They were just pissed off for being charged four times for it, you know?
31:11 And it's like, dude,
31:12 if you want to practice witchcraft and spells and[ __] go for it, dude.
31:15 Like, I have no beef with witches whatsoever.
31:18 But I can only assume that like[ __] like
31:20 this on Etsy of like selling these spells to people,
31:23 that's got to piss off like actual witches, right?
31:26 This is warlock behavior, right?
31:27 Like you're just like scamming people for money and[ __]
31:29 I don't think that's what being a witch is about, right?
31:32 Just securing the bag.
31:33 Or maybe it is.
31:34 I don't know.
31:34 Every time you see a witch traveling, they're flying private.
31:37 It's messed up, man.
31:38 You never see a witch on an economy broomstick, man.
31:41 Rich, witch,[ __] All right, these time travel spells are really intriguing,
31:46 but I didn't want to purchase any because I
31:47 didn't want to really like give these people my money.
31:50 I am a man of facts, science, and evidence.
31:54 So, if I'm going to try and travel back in time,
31:56 I feel like I need to do so the old-fashioned way,
31:58 the way home and garden Wells intended, a time machine.
32:02 Welcome to a different part of my office.
32:05 Going to be honest, finding an actual time machine
32:08 was actually a lot more difficult than I imagined.
32:10 Based on the Napoleon Dynamite clip, I thought it was just they ordered online,
32:13 bada bing, bada boom, it's so easy, right?
32:15 It was not.
32:16 When I looked for a time machine,
32:17 it was mostly just replicas of the time machine from the movie adaptations
32:23 of the time machine based on the novel
32:25 The Time Machine by Home and Garden Wells.
32:27 Weirdly, there are a lot of these replicas online.
32:30 I mean, just by sheer volume.
32:32 One of them has to be working, right?
32:34 A broken clock is right two times a day.
32:36 So guys, I really had to try extra hard
32:38 to find one that suited my idea of a time machine.
32:42 And who knows if I found one,
32:43 but I'd like to go through some honorable mentions because in my search,
32:47 I came across some gold.
32:49 Literally, one of the time machines I found is literally just a gold cube.
32:53 That's it, dude.
32:54 Just a gold cube.
32:56 Like Minecraft.
32:57 I couldn't get my hands on one of these, unfortunately.
32:59 I couldn't really find one for sale anymore,
33:01 but they used to go for around $200 on Amazon and eBay.
33:05 And the item description says,
33:06 "This time machine is made of a special material secret.
33:09 It has to be custommade and blessed." It's a little
33:12 wild to not even say what the material is, though, right?
33:15 That's It's a little crazy.
33:16 At least give us a hint, you know?
33:17 You can't just be like, "I'll never tell." Like,
33:19 imagine buying like a bag of chips and you
33:21 look at the ingredients and it's just like,
33:22 "It's actually none of your beeswax." But I found
33:24 this video of this father and son who purchased one.
33:27 And when they got it, dude, they didn't even get a gold one, which sucks.
33:29 But they ripped the paper off of it, and it's just like a plastic box.
33:33 And according to Atlas Obscura, this golden box is a uh Wiccan/pagan device.
33:39 So, it's a little alarming that these people are just freaking
33:42 ripping it apart and[ __] playing with its corpse and stuff.
33:45 I would not do that, dude.
33:46 You and your family will be cursed for all.
33:50 I don't know what kind of material.
33:51 Gold, blue, just fully got radiation poisoning there.
33:54 100%.
33:55 Also, this channel hasn't uploaded in like 3 years,
33:57 so far as I know, I'm correct.
34:02 Sadly, in this video, it shows that the time machine uh doesn't work.
34:05 But the listing did say that belief
34:07 in the time machine is of paramount importance.
34:10 So much so that it claimed that you shouldn't even bid
34:13 on the time machine if you don't fully believe that it will work,
34:16 which is kind of a genius business tactic if you ask me.
34:19 If someone complains and says it doesn't work,
34:21 you just be like, "Sorry, you didn't believe hard enough.
34:23 That's on you." In other news, guys,
34:24 if you buy tickets to my upcoming tour dates, you will gain the ability to fly.
34:33 And if you don't, you just didn't believe hard enough.
34:35 I also found this astral projection time travel machine helmet,
34:40 psychotronic technology,
34:42 which is quite literally a hard hat with a wire poking out of it.
34:45 I'm not really sure about the mechanics of this one, but I mean,
34:48 the time stamp on this picture says 2014, and looking at it in 2025.
34:53 Holy[ __] Holy[ __] it worked.
34:56 There was a lot of them, guys.
34:57 There was some schematics for me to build some at home.
35:00 There was one that was, you know, a little gimmicky for children.
35:03 And after hours and hours of scrolling for time machines on eBay,
35:07 just pages and pages.
35:08 I got through so many goddamn pages.
35:10 A time machine finally popped up that caught my eye.
35:13 The flux capacitor.
35:15 Temporal flux generator.
35:17 Original design by John Bajak.
35:19 Rare.
35:20 This is what I'm picturing in my head when
35:22 I think about a time machine you can buy online.
35:24 It's got dials for past, future, a switch for flux capacitor.
35:29 I hardly know her.
35:30 And then it looks like some sort of button for charge, whatever that is.
35:33 Dude, incredible.
35:34 I don't know who this John Bejac guy was in the eBay listing,
35:37 so I researched the name.
35:39 And it says online that he was a philosopher
35:42 of computing who published a book titled Cyber Wisdom.
35:45 He also apparently created and shared schematics
35:48 of a time machine that you can build.
35:50 He publicly shared those with people and I guess people have
35:52 been building those ever since and then subsequently selling them on eBay.
35:55 I also found out that this John Bjak person sadly passed away.
35:59 But you know it's comforting to know that his life's
36:00 work is still seemingly living on in the time travel community.
36:04 So let's read the eBay listing for this time machine.
36:06 $380 US.
36:08 Damn.
36:09 Okay.
36:09 In 1990, John Bjac copyrighted not patent
36:14 secret his invention of a flux capacitance time
36:17 travel circuit and he even provided the schematics
36:19 for it to keilet and it works.
36:21 He says it's amazing it never made the front page of the newspaper.
36:24 Yeah, shocking excerpt point transducer output toward
36:27 the person or thing you want changed.
36:30 That thing such as a clock or piece
36:32 of shelving will begin oscillating between past and future.
36:35 I noticed time stretched thinner and thinner until I
36:37 noticed time seemed to stop while it was turned on.
36:41 It's turned on.
36:42 Okay.
36:42 Freaky ass time machine.
36:44 Jack was on a relate how his TV exploded,
36:46 reassembled itself, talked to him, and threatened him.
36:50 Apparently, his time travel business can be dangerous.
36:52 By his own admission,
36:53 Jack was taken to a psychiatric hospital after the time travel experience.
36:56 Damn.
36:57 And now you get the opportunity to experiment by yourself.
36:59 Nice, guys.
37:00 I knew the second I saw this picture that this was a time machine for me.
37:03 So, I ordered it today.
37:04 It is June 15th.
37:06 I ordered this time machine 3 weeks ago, and I have yet to receive it.
37:10 If only I had the time machine now,
37:12 then I could fast forward through time to when I get the time machine, you know?
37:17 Nothing else I can really do except wait.
37:18 So, I guess I'll just hang out until it shows up.
37:27 Uh during the 3 weeks of waiting for my time machine to arrive,
37:31 I unfortunately fell deeper into this time travel rabbit hole or wormhole,
37:36 I guess you could say.
37:37 I fell deeper into this worm's[ __] I
37:39 did a lot of reading on the r/timetravel subreddit, and I found a lot of stuff.
37:43 There's a lot of crazy like anecdotes from people, personal theories,
37:47 but I want to show you this AMA from a so-called timetraer from the year 2372.
37:53 Some highlights include them saying that there's going to be an artificial super
37:57 intelligence named Gira and Gira oversees and controls every single thing we do.
38:04 They also say that everybody has guaranteed housing, which is pretty cool.
38:07 But then they also said uh since almost everyone is physically attractive now,
38:12 cheating is far less common.
38:14 Nice.
38:14 No more ugly people, man.
38:16 Thank God.
38:16 And it was really funny cuz like right after that someone
38:18 asked them like what life is like in the year uh 2372.
38:22 And in response they say I'll be honest I come from paradise.
38:27 So much so that I've considered ending my life because I can't stand it here.
38:31 Yeah.
38:32 Take a number pal.
38:32 It is also pretty crazy to say that you want to end your life
38:35 right after you say that everyone in your time is like way more attractive.
38:39 You know you think he wants to end
38:40 his own life cuz there's so many ugly people here.
38:43 That's got to be the funniest reason to want to take your own life, dude.
38:46 Everyone's so[ __] ugly, man.
38:48 This suicide note just says, "Yuck, you're all chopped.
38:51 See you." This time traveler also claimed that Donald
38:53 Trump is going to be impeached in 2026.
38:56 So, let's go.
38:57 And if that happens, guys, come back to this video,
38:59 leave a comment, please let me know.
39:01 Please inform me because if that happens,
39:03 I actually might believe the rest of the stuff he said.
39:05 I spent a lot of time reading posts on the r/timetravel
39:08 Reddit and it's actually baffling how big the time travel community is.
39:12 And the coolest thing about it was like everybody
39:14 seemed like so it was like weirdly supportive and collaborative.
39:18 There's definitely a healthy amount of skepticism
39:20 in the community which is definitely important.
39:22 But still, for the most part,
39:23 I feel like everybody in that community is just very curious and fascinated
39:27 by the concept and they want to see it achieved one day.
39:29 Like every video I see on YouTube
39:31 of someone testing out their[ __] time machine,
39:33 all the comments are just like people giving their like
39:36 tips and tricks and like here's how it worked
39:38 for me and stuff and it's like it's truly
39:40 crazy that there's this many people passionate about time travel.
39:44 A thing that's never actually been like 100% proven.
39:47 I guess it's no different than people believing in God and[ __]
39:50 and like going to like Bible study because that's never been proven,
39:53 but people lose their mind about that[ __] right?
39:55 At least with time travel, you get to play with little doohickeys.
39:57 Maybe I'd start going to church if they had a couple thingabobs.
40:00 All right.
40:00 Where the dads at?
40:02 And the eBay listing for the time machine
40:04 that I purchased mentioned a man named Steven Gibbs.
40:07 So I looked him up and he had a pretty huge impact on the time travel community.
40:11 He published a book titled Plans for Time Travel Machines that Really Work:
40:16 Revised and Updated Edition: How to Move Through Time and Space.
40:19 Really just rolls off the tongue.
40:20 So I bought this book and it is something.
40:26 It's a heavy read for sure.
40:28 The beginning mentions a run-in that Steven Gibbs had with the quote
40:32 unquote time police when he went back to 69, 1969.
40:37 That is, if time travel does exist,
40:38 that's got to be a year where lots of people go to 69, which is funny.
40:42 So, Steven here in his book says that anybody can time
40:47 travel once they understand the simple equation R1 R2 equals T.
40:53 Oh, sick.
40:54 Joking.
40:54 That is not a GTA cheat code.
40:57 R1 stands for first point of resonance and R2 stands
41:00 for second point of resonance and T as in Troy.
41:04 As in Troy.
41:05 Yeah.
41:05 And just so you know, because I had to look this up as well,
41:08 a point of resonance is the natural frequency at which an object
41:11 or system vibrates with maximum amplitude when
41:14 subjected to an external force or vibration.
41:17 Steven then talks about the use of quartz crystals.
41:20 So, I guess that Napoleon dynamite scene was pretty accurate.
41:23 Note, when working with quartz crystals,
41:25 it is a good idea to ask the Lord to bless them.
41:28 To do this, walk into your closet and close the door.
41:32 Then ask Jesus Christ to bless them while you pray over each of the crystals.
41:36 Then with some salt water, sprinkle your crystals three times,
41:39 blessing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
41:42 If you do this for all your crystals, then nothing evil can affect them.
41:46 Nice.
41:46 He never says to come out of the closet, though,
41:50 which I guess is good cuz God hates when people do that.
41:53 And this isn't the only reference to God/ Jesus
41:56 when you look into the history of time machines.
41:58 Spirituality and religion is like way more prevalent in the time
42:02 travel community than I thought it was going to be.
42:04 Like, when I think of time machines,
42:06 I'm straight up thinking of just like a mad scientist type guy, right?
42:09 With like a crazy looking machine and it's just all science, right?
42:13 I'm not picturing the[ __] Poe, you know?
42:15 And I don't know too much about Christianity,
42:17 but I assume the act of time travel would be like blasphemous, right?
42:21 God created time, right?
42:23 And has like a specific plan for everybody.
42:25 So going back and changing the past, you're pretty much like playing God.
42:29 And that's[ __] up, man.
42:30 The only person that should be playing God, Morgan Freeman.
42:33 Or maybe it was God's plan, Drake.
42:38 Maybe it was God's plan for that for that person to go back.
42:41 I don't know.
42:42 Who knows?
42:42 My favorite part of this book though is when he goes off the rails
42:45 a little bit and starts talking about the other technology that he's developing.
42:50 In his book, he claims that by using one of the barerium oxide
42:54 bar magnets that you can buy directly from his catalog, if you place,
42:59 now stay with me here, if you place a pack of cigarettes on top of that magnet,
43:04 the cigarettes will then become safe to consume.
43:09 Huh?
43:10 You know, I really would like to try that out,
43:11 but I feel like that would take a really long time to see the results.
43:14 Okay, I don't know.
43:15 Guys, comment below if I should develop
43:17 a lifelong cigarette addiction to test that out.
43:20 I'm not going to go through the whole book because that would take[ __] hours.
43:23 But I recommend you guys give it a read
43:25 because there are some wild tidbits of information in there.
43:28 Tidbits.
43:28 I said tin bits.
43:30 Sorry.
43:31 You can take the Canadian out of Canada,
43:33 but So, just give you guys a little update.
43:36 My time machine is currently being held in customs right now,
43:40 so I should hopefully have it soon.
43:42 But I figured it'd be a good idea to prepare myself mentally
43:45 for what I can expect if I do successfully travel back in time.
43:48 And like I said, there's tons of people out
43:49 there who claim that they have personally traveled through time.
43:52 And if I'm going to do it,
43:53 I need to find out what it's like from them firsthand.
43:55 Which brings us to our next topic, Project Pegasus.
43:59 In my search for a real time traveler,
44:01 I stumbled upon a man named Andrew Bashago.
44:03 a man who has made several public claims that he was actually used by the CIA
44:08 in a series of secret time travel
44:10 missions and Mars expeditions called Project Pegasus.
44:14 And this all took place when he was a child in the8s.
44:17 I watched like a 2-hour presentation he did on YouTube
44:21 and the amount of detail he gave was actually[ __] mind-boggling.
44:25 So either this actually happened or he has the most
44:27 like vivid active imagination of all time and he's pretty
44:30 much spent his entire life like raising awareness and trying
44:34 to get the government to reveal their time travel secrets.
44:37 He was so passionate about this mission in fact that he
44:39 was actually running for president back in 2016 and I was
44:43 able to see what his website looked like in 2016
44:46 by using the wayback machine and it's the[ __] greatest thing ever.
44:49 So let's have a look.
44:50 Let's get into the mind of a real time traveler.
44:52 Andrew D.
44:53 Bashago, one man in the name of truth.
44:55 Andrew D.
44:56 Bashagago was a prominent figure in the truth movement.
44:58 For more than 10 years, he has shared with the American people the true facts
45:01 of our great nation's accomplishments in time travel and Mars visitation.
45:04 He has done so as one who served bravely in the two secret US
45:07 defense projects in which time travel on Earth
45:09 and Voyages to Mars were first undertaken.
45:11 As a result of his courageous advocacy as a crusading lawyer,
45:14 Oh, he's a lawyer, too.
45:16 Oh, sick.
45:17 A hell no.
45:18 Look at my lawyer, dog.
45:19 I'm going to Mars.
45:21 Uh, Andy is credited with ending the time travel and Mars
45:24 coverups by the US government on behalf of the American people.
45:27 Oh[ __] he did it.
45:28 All right, let's go.
45:28 And on this site, he had 100 proposals
45:32 that I guess he would enact if he became president.
45:35 A lot of them are about time travel and the government revealing their secrets.
45:38 But his 16th proposal is protecting the Sasquatch species.
45:42 Sasquatch exists.
45:44 I know.
45:44 I'm the first US presidential candidate since Theodore
45:47 Roosevelt to declare publicly that I have encountered Sasquatch.
45:50 This gives off the same energy as that clip of Soulja Boy.
45:52 The first rapper with the iPhone.
45:54 Oh, what the[ __] Theore Roosevelt's
45:56 encounter occurred when a Sasquatch was scared
45:59 into his campsite one night when he
46:00 was on his great North American ape expedition.
46:03 I encountered an adult male Sasquatch and his young
46:05 son when I was camping at Lake Sakandaga Sakandaga.
46:09 These nuts in the Aderondax in 1966.
46:12 The Sasquatch have meal DNA that is
46:15 human and petrineal DNA from an unknown primate.
46:18 The president should protect the Sasquatch
46:20 by putting them on the endangered species list.
46:22 Finally, a president who has their priorities in order.
46:25 I know the current president doesn't give a[ __] about Sasquatch.
46:28 Dude, if the American government in 2025 encountered Sasquatch,
46:31 it'd be like that scene in Strange Wilderness.
46:34 Oh,[ __] And I know you're thinking like,
46:37 this is such a weird thing to include in your proposals for presidency, right?
46:41 But I mean, this guy compared to the guy
46:43 who actually won the election in 2016, I don't know.
46:47 I feel like I trust this guy way more.
46:49 Let's see another one.
46:50 Developing an ET contact policy.
46:52 According to a space physics textbook used
46:54 at the US Air Force Academy in the 1970s,
46:57 57 extraterrestrial species are visiting our planet.
47:00 Four ET species, the small grays, the tall grays, the reptilians,
47:05 and the Nordics are known to be visiting our planet frequently.
47:07 We need to not only achieve transparency about the ET situation,
47:10 but also to develop an ET contact policy that is subtle, nuanced,
47:14 and recognize that the ET species that can reach
47:16 us across interstellar space might include those that are benevolent,
47:19 neutral, and hostile to our interests as Earthlings.
47:22 Let's[ __] go.
47:24 I am all for this.
47:25 Trump talking about illegal aliens, boring, racist, dehumanizing, xenophobic.
47:31 This[ __] talking about illegal aliens, cool as[ __] wicked, badass.
47:35 Need I go on?
47:36 And if you think this guy is a little out there,
47:38 would it change your mind to know that he was friends with Barack Obama?
47:42 Yeah.
47:42 Well, according to Andrew Bashaga, when he was a child,
47:45 he traveled to Mars during a Project Pegasus
47:48 mission with none other than a young Barack Obama,
47:51 who he says used to be named Barry.
47:53 When did you first meet Barack Obama?
47:56 I met Barry Storo.
47:57 And forgive me if during this broadcast I refer
47:59 to the president as Barry because that's how I knew him,
48:02 you know, when I first met him when I was 18 years old.
48:04 And uh this Wired article about his claim says between 1981 and 1983,
48:08 Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice
48:11 by way of a teleportation chamber called a jump room.
48:15 Vashago, a fellow chronaut, told the website Exopolitics that he saw Obama walk
48:20 back to the jump room from across the Martian terrain.
48:23 To acknowledge his comrade, Obama is said to have told Bashago,
48:26 "We're here." Apparently with some sense of fatalism.
48:29 Oh, you think this guy's lying?
48:30 You don't think Obama actually went to Mars?
48:32 I believe we can send humans to orbit Mars and return them safely to Earth.
48:36 And a landing on Mars will follow.
48:38 And I expect to be around to see it.
48:40 We've been there before.
48:41 And think about it, man.
48:43 Barack.
48:44 Barack.
48:46 What's on Mars?
48:48 Barack.
48:48 And is it Obama or Obama?
48:52 Obviously Baracks at Mars.
48:55 Always wake up.
48:56 I tried reaching out to this Andrew dude um
48:59 several times so I could interview him for this video,
49:01 but he never got back to me.
49:02 I don't know if he has access to his Gmail on Mars.
49:05 But I found someone even cooler, dude.
49:07 I found an author named Eric Bowen on the time travel subreddit who
49:11 claimed to have come face tof face with two time travelers in his life.
49:14 So I talked to him for a little bit recently
49:16 and we had a great conversation about all this stuff.
49:18 He's never personally timeraveled,
49:19 but he told me about two separate times in his life
49:22 where he's experienced these instances best described as time echoes.
49:26 This is what he sent to me before we actually spoke.
49:28 My own first memorable encounter with the time
49:30 traveler and I believe in divine personage
49:33 came while I was working at Astroorld amusement
49:35 park in Houston in the summer of 1980.
49:38 There was this girl, a regular visitor who would come and sit
49:41 next to me aboard the train where I worked.
49:44 Listen to me talk with a gentle smile and occasionally chat.
49:47 She seemed, I would guess, about 12 years old.
49:52 19 years later, I ran into that same girl at the same park.
49:55 still apparently about 12 years old.
49:57 I had an age today.
50:00 We didn't speak, but she waved at me and then ran right past me.
50:04 That wasn't the only time echo.
50:06 That same summer of 1980, I was carrying an expensive school camera in downtown
50:10 for a photo shoot and wandered into a rough part of downtown.
50:15 I was accosted by two thugs who wanted the camera.
50:18 I was rescued by a pleasant,
50:20 somewhat stocky man in an LTD who picked me up and gave
50:23 me a ride back to my car along with some fatherly advice.
50:27 Again, I didn't think too much of it at the time.
50:31 19 years later, I saw him again.
50:33 Same guy at the restaurant I had a short-term job at as a waiter.
50:37 Again, hadn't aged a day.
50:39 Two separate encounters with two different people.
50:42 And 19 years later, those same people show up in his life without aging a day.
50:48 Pretty weird, right?
50:48 And you can be skeptical all you want, you know?
50:50 But I believe it cuz what do I know?
50:52 What literally what do I know?
50:54 Nothing.
50:54 I don't know anything.
50:55 I don't know a damn thing about time travel.
50:57 Okay.
50:57 So, I asked him a question about my upcoming trip to the past.
51:00 If I do use this time machine, do you have any uh advice for me?
51:03 If you develop a time travel machine or if you
51:07 get the opportunity to be taken on a time travel journey,
51:12 my first advice would be don't try to make too big of a change at once.
51:17 I'm not saying don't make any change,
51:19 but don't make a big change because like I say,
51:22 there are some big players in this game
51:24 and you don't want to spook them prematurely.
51:27 Okay, that's good news.
51:28 The only thing I'm changing is the outfit
51:30 that I wore to an internet award show in 2016.
51:32 So, I think I'll be a okay.
51:34 I had a great time talking to Eric and he was a really sweet guy.
51:36 So, I'm going to put a link in the description
51:38 where you can buy his novel, Guardian Angel.
51:41 So, yeah, if you want to go support an independent author,
51:43 uh, go check out his book, man.
51:44 Show some love.
51:44 You know what?
51:45 After all this, I feel like I am mentally,
51:47 physically, and spiritually ready for my journey through time.
51:50 The only thing missing is my actual time machine,
51:53 but the shipping estimate says it should be here tomorrow.
51:56 So, fingers crossed.
52:00 Let me tell you, man.
52:01 I had quite the morning trying to get my hands
52:05 on my[ __] time machine that I ordered, dude.
52:07 So, here's what happened.
52:07 I had the time machine sent to a PO box,
52:10 and it was sent by the National Postal Service of Mexico,
52:14 which online it says that they don't ship to PO boxes,
52:18 and I didn't look that up until after I ordered it, which was my fault.
52:21 So, I was already really worried about it not ever showing up.
52:24 And then I got an email saying that the delivery failed.
52:27 So, I was like, "Fucking sick, Greg.
52:28 I guess I'm never getting this time machine.
52:30 I have to reorder it or something and have
52:32 it delivered to like an a home address or something.
52:35 But I figured I'd check my PO box anyway.
52:36 So I drive over to my freaking PO box and what do you know?
52:41 It wasn't there.
52:42 It was not delivered,
52:42 which was annoying cuz on my way there it said delivery attempted.
52:46 So I was like, what?
52:46 Well, which is was it attempted or was it failed?
52:48 So whatever.
52:49 I I leave my PO box defeated.
52:51 I'm driving home and then I get a phone call from a random number.
52:55 So, I answer it and it's the dude who
52:57 was working at the post office and he's like, "Dude, the second you left,
53:00 a package from Mexico showed up with your name on it." Right on time.
53:06 Machine.
53:06 So, I[ __] turn my ass around, drove back to the PO box, and guys, I got it.
53:20 Hey guys, it's time machine time.
53:22 I[ __] got it.
53:24 I got it.
53:25 So, yeah, it was quite the uh the mixup
53:27 to get this, but let's um let's rip this open.
53:29 Man, I don't have a box cutter or anything.
53:31 I can use keys.
53:32 By the end of today,
53:33 that Shorty Awards picture is not going to exist on the internet.
53:38 Trust me, it'll be gone.
53:40 I will say this is very light.
53:43 Like, it's like not even a brick weight.
53:47 A brick weight.
53:48 The secret to the universe in my hand.
53:53 Whoa.
53:55 There it is.
53:56 Also, it's pretty interesting on the box.
53:58 They labeled it educational electronics kit so
54:00 they could get it through customs, I guess.
54:02 Yeah, they sent me some files on on eBay that I should pull up.
54:06 The seller like sent me some some instructions,
54:10 but they didn't really make any sense.
54:11 It also said on the eBay listing that I had
54:13 to purchase my own like AC adapter or DC adapter.
54:18 I hope this fits.
54:20 It doesn't.
54:21 Um, a lot of these are just like scans of weird books.
54:25 Some about a[ __] crystal and[ __] I feel like I was
54:28 sent the wrong one because this is What the[ __] is this?
54:32 Ael travel connection time travel unit
54:35 into a copper plate that's next to your navl
54:38 and then the other cord into an alligator clip into a water pipe.
54:44 The[ __] Or another one.
54:45 Alligator clip into a metal rod buried a foot at last over grid point.
54:50 Like, bro, I don't even know what that[ __] means.
54:52 I think I was sent the instructions
54:54 for another product he has called the space-time modulator.
54:58 So, I'm going to have to just go through the flux
55:01 capacitor thing with um the way that it said on eBay,
55:06 which was like you point it at stuff and then it'll change.
55:09 I also think at least the one in like Napoleon
55:12 Dynamite had like years that you like dialed it to.
55:15 This is just like past, future.
55:19 Like what if you turn the dials all the way to normal perfectly?
55:22 Like wouldn't that just like make it to present?
55:24 And this is a button.
55:26 Okay, I should have brought like a[ __] fire extinguisher.
55:30 Well, there's there's I'm in my podcast studio, so I'm I've got like sprinklers.
55:35 So, um I guess is that a sign?
55:56 Okay, so that just happened.
56:01 I will say it is a little weird.
56:03 I've been doing this podcast video for like 3
56:05 years now and uh nothing has fallen off the wall.
56:09 But the second I flipped this switch,
56:10 I thought this was a time machine, not a freaking poster fall down machine.
56:14 What the hell?
56:14 All right.
56:15 Well, that was[ __] weird.
56:18 What do you guys think is the setting for 2016?
56:21 So, how about future all the way down past?
56:24 This is probably right now.
56:26 So, this would be the beginning of time and that would be I don't know,
56:29 probably like around there.
56:30 2016 around there.
56:31 Okay, dude.
56:32 Imagine if this worked.
56:35 That'd be so[ __] crazy.
56:37 The secret, the biggest like scientific mystery solved on my YouTube channel.
56:42 And like I said in the e in the eBay thing when it
56:44 said like he pointed at a TV and it[ __] started talking to him.
56:48 I got a TV in the back, too.
56:50 So, we'll we'll see how that goes.
56:51 I'm going to plug this in and see what happens.
56:55 All right, we got the cord here.
56:57 And I guess I plug it into somewhere here.
57:00 Is that even in?
57:02 Is it in?
57:03 All right.
57:05 [Music] Is this working?
57:10 He This was the the the cord he told me to get.
57:14 [Music] What the hell?
57:25 Hold on.
57:25 What is 9V+ T, bro?
57:28 Is this supposed to go into like a battery?
57:30 Oh, you attach it to a battery.
57:33 It told me to get this other thing.
57:35 All right,[ __] be right back, I guess.
57:38 I'm back with the goods.
57:40 It's pretty impressive that a uh something as powerful as time travel.
57:44 All you need is a[ __] little battery that you get from the dollar store, dude.
57:49 It was like two bucks.
57:50 Pretty good deal.
57:50 Also, I was thinking this actually gives me a good
57:53 opportunity because I was caught up in the moment, you know?
57:54 I wasn't really thinking.
57:55 I didn't really bless this.
57:57 So, I uh I want to make sure nothing evil happens um like in the book said.
58:02 So, what's up?
58:08 What's up, dude?
58:10 What's good?
58:10 It's me, Kurt.
58:12 Um I know I've I've openly talked bare[ __]
58:15 on you for probably like I don't know 25 years.
58:18 So, I'm sorry for all that, but you know,
58:21 you are you you got to forgive me for that.
58:23 You have to.
58:24 I just want you to bless this and the father, son, holy spirit.
58:27 I want to make sure everything is safe and and no harm is done
58:30 unto me and you keep it that way and I and things won't get ugly.
58:34 Okay?
58:34 If anything bad happens.
58:36 All right, we'll take this outside.
58:39 Amen.
58:41 Battery engaged.
58:47 Charge.
58:50 The light turned on.
58:54 It beeped 2016 awards.
59:05 Teal carpet.
59:13 Imagine the the[ __] poster goes back up.
59:16 What if I say it while holding holding down?
59:19 No, I was I never wore that outfit.
59:24 [Music] Bro, what if it's like Wizards of Waverly Place?
59:37 I have to say something that rhymes.
59:38 Um, on Valentine's Day, you'll find some Cupid[ __] Take me back to 2016
59:46 and make it so I never wore that stupid fit.
59:51 Okay.
59:51 Actually, I don't feel anything different, but I don't know.
59:55 Let's Let's check.
59:56 I'm going to Google Shorty Awards Curtis Connor.
59:59 Guys, this is a moment of truth.
1:00:03 [Music] [Music] It's a piece of crap.
1:00:26 It doesn't work.
1:00:26 What if I just hold it down for like for[ __] ever?
1:00:29 Okay.
1:00:41 I'm[ __] DJing here, dude.
1:00:44 __] Okay.
1:00:45 Well, there's that thing with the TV, right?
1:00:47 You can He said in the in the eBay thing he pointed
1:00:49 at the TV and it like started talking to him and[ __] [Music] Come on.
1:01:00 [Music] What if I crank it up to future?
1:01:10 It's set all the way to future.
1:01:15 Well, the thing didn't work.
1:01:16 I'm still wearing this outfit.
1:01:18 Unless I'm so wrapped up in the theory that I'm in a dynamic timeline.
1:01:22 What if I just prove that that theory is wrong?
1:01:25 If I would have gone back and changed it,
1:01:27 this would have been a different picture.
1:01:28 I would have been wearing like a nice normal suit.
1:01:29 So, it's either the fixed timeline or I
1:01:33 just created a new branching timeline from this one.
1:01:37 There is a universe out there now where I'm wearing a normal outfit.
1:01:46 I'd say today was a big success.
1:01:55 Hey guys, I I know this is a shocker,
1:01:58 but the battery powered time machine I bought from Mexico didn't work.
1:02:03 Big I Karumba moment.
1:02:04 Maybe I should have purchased it four times for the enhanced effect.
1:02:06 And I know this video is long as hell, and I apologize for that.
1:02:10 But when I got the idea for this video,
1:02:12 I didn't want to just order the time machine off the internet,
1:02:15 try it out, and just take the piss out of it for no reason.
1:02:18 Because I think the actual concept of time travel
1:02:21 is such like it's such an incredibly human idea.
1:02:24 And I knew if I actually looked into it further,
1:02:27 I would learn a lot about other people and possibly even myself.
1:02:30 Life is like an endless onslaught of mistakes,
1:02:33 fuckups, and missed opportunities.
1:02:36 And I know for a fact and each and every one
1:02:37 of you has their own 2016 Shorty Awards in their life.
1:02:42 Okay?
1:02:42 So, I totally understand why people devote their entire lives trying
1:02:46 to figure out how to travel through time so they can
1:02:50 fix a mistake they made or maybe they want to go
1:02:52 back and see a person they lost just one more time.
1:02:55 That makes perfect sense, dude.
1:02:56 The fact that we're all not doing that all the time is actually[ __] crazy.
1:02:59 We're all the weird ones.
1:03:00 Okay, I'm not crazy.
1:03:02 You're crazy.
1:03:02 And if you were wondering like what's
1:03:04 actually inside the time machine, don't worry.
1:03:07 So was I.
1:03:08 For all I know, inside of here is just a thing that makes a beep noise.
1:03:11 Well, I mean technically that is all it did.
1:03:13 So So I guess that's a little true.
1:03:15 But I was very curious as to what was actually inside of this thing.
1:03:18 So I started to remove the four screws that held everything together.
1:03:22 And I got one screw out.
1:03:23 Ow.
1:03:24 But then I noticed the other three screws were like stripped.
1:03:28 So I had a really hard time uh actually getting them out of here.
1:03:31 So, I left my podcast studio and I had
1:03:32 this idea to do this like office space parody.
1:03:35 You know that that scene with the the copier or the printer,
1:03:38 whatever the[ __] and they like beat the[ __] out of it.
1:03:40 I was going to do that with this, but when I brought it
1:03:42 home and started to like crack it open in my backyard with a hammer,
1:03:46 I realized something.
1:03:47 If I do that, I am no better than that father
1:03:50 and son who got radiation poisoning from the magic golden cube.
1:03:54 I'm going to be honest, I don't think I'm supposed to see what's inside of here.
1:03:57 I really don't.
1:03:58 I'm going to hold on to the belief that this is actually a working time machine.
1:04:02 Because if I crack this thing open and it really is
1:04:05 just a machine that goes beep when you press a button,
1:04:07 then that would mean I actually did not create an alternate timeline where
1:04:12 I did not wear that hideous outfit to the Shorty Awards in 2016.
1:04:16 So, as long as this is closed, I'm not in those clothes.
1:04:20 As long as this is closed, I'm not in those clothes.
1:04:24 Say it with me now.
1:04:26 As long as this is closed, I'm not in those clothes.
1:04:30 And now that I say that out loud, I think I finally understand God.
1:04:34 Okay, straight up, I I understand religion now.
1:04:38 Okay, you know, the thing you believe in, it may not make sense.
1:04:41 All logic and reasoning may be telling you otherwise,
1:04:44 but sometimes, man, you just got to have faith.
1:04:47 Obama went to Mars.
1:04:49 Magnets make cigarettes healthy.
1:04:51 It's all real, bro.
1:04:51 And earlier in the video, I didn't understand the correlation between
1:04:55 religion and time machines, machinery, right?
1:04:57 But now I get it.
1:04:58 God created angels to be his messengers and then
1:05:01 he created man in his own image, right?
1:05:03 Also, sorry, quick sidebar.
1:05:05 You can't be like super religious and have
1:05:07 a problem with pronouns at the same time.
1:05:09 Okay?
1:05:09 Cuz super religious people have no problem capitalizing
1:05:12 the H whenever they refer to God as he, him, his, you know, so if they can do
1:05:17 that, I think they can handle a simple they, them.
1:05:19 Okay?
1:05:19 Sorry, back to what I was saying.
1:05:21 God supposedly created angels to worship him and send out his messages.
1:05:26 Bro, all computers do all day is worship us and help us send out our messages.
1:05:32 Not to be insufferable and reference a Tumblr post I saw.
1:05:35 But every time a computer is courteous or kind
1:05:37 to you is because it was programmed to be that way.
1:05:40 I hope you think about how angels too
1:05:41 were made to serve and worship their creator.
1:05:43 And I hope you want more for them too.
1:05:45 And when God was done with the angels, he then created man in his image,
1:05:49 just like how we are making AI
1:05:51 communicate with like humanlike qualities and tendencies, right?
1:05:55 And now, I'm not saying we're all God necessarily.
1:05:59 I'm just saying that Morgan Freeman is God.
1:06:02 I want the final message of this video to be a positive one.
1:06:05 So, I'm going to send it back to Eric
1:06:06 from earlier in this video because he said something
1:06:09 really nice during our conversation that honestly took me
1:06:11 by surprise from like an avid time travel fan.
1:06:14 If you could go back to one moment in time, where would you go?
1:06:18 That's a tough one because I mean obviously I'd
1:06:22 like to go back and take the Union Pacific tours in 1956 or 1957 or so when you
1:06:29 take a train all around the Western United States.
1:06:32 I'd like to uh take a voyage on the Queen Mary and the uh SS United States.
1:06:38 And there's so many things I'd like to do, but if I had to pick one right now,
1:06:43 I would just say um I am looking forward from here.
1:06:47 I'm not really looking to the past.
1:06:48 I want to see how this plays out.
1:06:51 Well, I want to see what happens next.
1:06:53 Let him cook, dude.
1:06:56 Guys, we're all traveling through time every second we're alive.
1:06:59 How cool is that?
1:07:00 Don't look back and be sad about the bad outfits you publicly and proudly wore.
1:07:04 Look forward to the fact that you learned
1:07:07 a lesson and you'll never wear those bad outfits again.
1:07:10 Life is a time machine, bro.
1:07:11 And it's free.
1:07:12 The[ __] I spent like $300 American dollars on this thing.
1:07:15 You know how much that is in Canadian?
1:07:17 Like a billion.
1:07:18 So, I guess the final message of this video is
1:07:20 if you're sad about something bad that happened in your past,
1:07:23 don't worry because this stayed closed.
1:07:28 So, as far as I know,
1:07:29 there's a universe out there where nothing bad has ever happened to any of us.
1:07:34 So, yeah.
1:07:34 Good night and uh you're welcome.
1:07:40 [Music]